PrevertOne
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2009
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Just dropped https://www.literotica.com/s/love-in-an-elevator-pt-01 Enjoy and thanks for reading 
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But it could be tightened:In straightforward, cut to the chase manner, Alexa was all of six foot, one hundred and eighty pounds of rock hard, double D'ed, long-legged, broad-shouldered, redheaded, Amazonian muscle; with a man eating, ball-breaking, clit- munching, pussy tribbing carnal philosophy.
Could simply be:Interns, office workers, certain colleagues on her level, were off limits. She'd worked her Golden Ratioed bubble ass too hard, achieving her level of success, to have it wrecked by workplace harassment claims.
Interns and other lower-level colleagues were off-limits. She’d worked too hard for her success to risk losing it over a harassment claim.
The story is written to match the series of pictures posted on Deviantart by the listed artists in the title. The characters they presented gave off that impression. Basically, it's sex fantasy built around impossible characters.Unless the narrator is a character and is talking in a real voice, you want to keep the narration tight and straightforward. When you say something like, "It should be mentioned, some of the grovelers loved groveling before Alexa", I wonder: why does it need to be mentioned? Why not simply say: "Some of them loved to grovel. Plus, they knew this was a factor in which partners she chose."
This is a fun paragraph:
But it could be tightened:
Alexa was a straight up sex goddess—a six-foot-tall, one-hundred-and-eighty-pound Amazon of rock-hard, double-D'ed, long-legged, broad-shouldered, redheaded magnificence; with a man-eating, ball-breaking, clit-munching, pussy-tribbing carnal philosophy.
Your story might read better if you used slightly simpler language. For instance:
Could simply be:
This way, when you want to use colorful language, you can put it in the mouth of your characters. You want them to have all the personality, not the anonymous narrator.
In terms of the story—bet or not, walking around nude in the office is a good way to get instantly fired and escorted off the premises. It would have been good to explain why this was allowable in this company. That Alexa didn't even mention it until after she asked about the report indicates that people tend to show up nude frequently around there. Is that the case? If not, why is she acting so casually? Is it part of a general code of conduct? If you are going to set up something that violates our expectations, you need to help the reader know why it's happening, otherwise it breaks the suspension of disbelief.
The story is written to match the series of pictures posted on Deviantart by the listed artists in the title. The characters they presented gave off that impression. Basically, it's sex fantasy built around impossible characters.