Love, Fear and Loss -- Understanding Others

[BeachLovers]

I once heard it said that the secret to understanding other people is that every person
(1) Loves something
(2) Fears something
(3) Lost something

If you can understand these three things about someone, you can learn better how to deal with him/her in any context -- social, business, romantic, etc. Of course, whether to use this knowledge for good or bad is up to you.

What about you? What do you love? What do you fear? And what have you lost?

 

[Cathleen]

Excellent questions BeachLovers, I'm glad you posted a thread. I am going to have to ponder about these. So often I will go to the 'universal sameness' of us all - the human condition. Your thoughts/questions take that to the next level of intimacy I think - really excellent idea.

I'm having a 'doing nothing I don't want to do' day and at the moment my mind (for a change) is taking it slow and easy - almost to the point of I need a nap after sleeping for 9 straight hours!! I still can't believe that happened.

Thanks for creating the thread and especially for a nice topic.

 

[Quoll]

Excellent topic, but at 3.am I will ponder and procrastinate and return.

 

[SweetErika]

I once heard it said that the secret to understanding other people is that every person
(1) Loves something
(2) Fears something
(3) Lost something

If you can understand these three things about someone, you can learn better how to deal with him/her in any context -- social, business, romantic, etc. Of course, whether to use this knowledge for good or bad is up to you.

What about you? What do you love? What do you fear? And what have you lost?

I've thought about this for awhile, but I'm going on instinct...

I love... It may be corny and typical, but I'd have to say my husband. I could go on and on about the reasons why, but I'll leave it at he encompasses everything love is to me. I can envision the pain and grief of losing every possession, other people I love, and even myself, but I just know I'd recover if he's there to give and receive love.

I fear... Pain. Giving or receiving, emotional or uncontrollable physical, it scares the hell out of me.

I've lost... trust. And as much as I think about it and work on it, I don't think it's something that I'll ever fully find again.

 

[EJFan]

this really IS a fascinating question... put me in the category of ponder & return with the others. this'll take some thought.

 

[cymbline]

I once heard it said that the secret to understanding other people is that every person
(1) Loves something
(2) Fears something
(3) Lost something

If you can understand these three things about someone, you can learn better how to deal with him/her in any context -- social, business, romantic, etc. Of course, whether to use this knowledge for good or bad is up to you.

What about you? What do you love? What do you fear? And what have you lost?

Love something- Dave Matthews Band

Fears something- My emotions

Lost something- The ability to trust people.

 

[Ricwilly]

I love DJ.
I fear old age.
I lost my youth.

 

[Eilan]

Good topic!

I'll get back to you on this one.

 

[AppleBiter]

I love him.

I fear flying.

I lost my virginity, long ago and far away.

 

[Leeleigh]

I once heard it said that the secret to understanding other people is that every person
(1) Loves something
(2) Fears something
(3) Lost something

If you can understand these three things about someone, you can learn better how to deal with him/her in any context -- social, business, romantic, etc. Of course, whether to use this knowledge for good or bad is up to you.

What about you? What do you love? What do you fear? And what have you lost?

I love..... my friends.. They are the most important people in my life

I fear..... rejection... We all do

I lost..... the one person I love the most on this planet.. forever shut out to me now.

 

[Denae]

I love my "soul" sisters, my mother, my grandmother, and my pets. I love: seeing elderly couples holding hands, hearing birds chirp, and Sunday mornings.

I fear becoming too reclusive. I fear losing control.

I've lost the ability to freely love another man.

 

[BeachLovers]

Good to know I'm not the only one....

....who had to think a lot about these questions. And I started this one!

Love.....my children, watching them grow, and my wife, and all she does for others

Fear.....that I have unrealistic expectations for mysef and others, which sets us all up for failure

Lost.....a parent at too young an age

 

[jacuzzigal]

Good thread. Thanks for posting it.

I love myself, which was a battle hard fought. I love my family and friends and some special people. I love the ocean and I miss it.

I fear losing myself again, but I know I can't hide from the world to protect myself forever. I also fear that I have far too great expectations of people and am not really a good person to live with because of it.

I've lost myself, loved ones... almost lost my ability to keep going. But I'm still here.

 

[Quoll]

Too many possible answers, but these are the ones that are forever foremost in my mind.

I love my wife.

I fear losing my wife.

I lost both parents by the age of 15.

 

[Seduce]

One may answer this questions literally, or search for some deeper meanings.

Lets say I love everyone and everything that concerns my private life - my husband, my children, parents, and so on......
My greatest fear is of loosing any of them, besides that I dont really fear much of anything.
I lost virginity of my mind, I dont think that life is so wonderful and world full of lovely things waiting just for me anymore...... although its normal for my age I do miss those feelings.

 

[boston_bbw]

I love the idea of being in love, family, pet's, good friends.
I fear never meeting someone to share my life, never having children, being a disappointment to my father yet again...
I lost my grandmother - one of the most important people in my life, my trust in men, my self esteem

 

[EJFan]

i've spent a long while thinking about this... i don't think my responses will seem that way, but they were a long time coming.

i love the idea that no matter how much one opposes it, love can strike anyone any time.

i fear that i may never love someone again

i lost the one true love of my life to my own stupidity and shortsightedness. i also lost my self respect on more than one occasion... thankfully i've gotten it back.

 

[sexyjenn]

I love my family

I fear myself, what's deep down inside of me trying to take over

I've lost my lover

 

[pleasteasme]

I too, have pondered this question for a while. I was hesitant to answer but, here goes.....baring my soul.....


I love my friends and certain members of my family. I also extend a certain amount of love to my students.


I fear being myself. I am always worried about what other people think of me. I am afraid people won't like or accept me for who I am.


I lost knowing what it is like to grow up in a loving family, being appreciated, feeling loved and accepted.



*This has been a moment of 100% pure honesty* now back to my regularly scheduled flirty self

 

[Cathleen]

I really like thinking of these things, I feel like a junkie when it comes to contemplation and examination of life.

I love life (most of the time), the experiences with people and nature are the fundamental pleasures and teachers in my life.

I fear not growing more compassionate, caring and loving. Not being able to express myself in those ways would seem like death to me. There is a part of me that fears losing the ability to love in an intimate manner and know that I have to continue being viligent from turning back from where I was in the recent past. I have to work at moving forward even though there is pain in some of those experiences.

I miss a lot of things but have seen and become comfortable with changes and what they mean in my life. I miss my mother but feel her presence in my life. I miss my good health but have learned far more from the struggles then had I not had the experiences. I miss other things that were important to me but try to draw something from their memory.

 

[BeachLovers]

Thank you all for the interest and the thoughtful, honest answers. As I think about it, in this context the title could also be "Understanding Oneself", as many of us have had to think about it and answer later.

It's interesting that we see several common threads. I guess it should not be surprising to see that despite differences in background, age, location, etc., many of the events and feelings that lie at our core are similar to one another.

 

[silverwhisper]

beachlovers: so to understand others, one must understand oneself? have you been teaching in a tibetan monastery? i really like that. do you recall where you heard that?

love: passion
fear: [something i don't know you guys well enough to share]
lost: some of my innocence

ed

 

[Quoll]

I really like thinking of these things, I feel like a junkie when it comes to contemplation and examination of life.

I love life (most of the time), the experiences with people and nature are the fundamental pleasures and teachers in my life.

I fear not growing more compassionate, caring and loving. Not being able to express myself in those ways would seem like death to me. There is a part of me that fears losing the ability to love in an intimate manner and know that I have to continue being viligent from turning back from where I was in the recent past. I have to work at moving forward even though there is pain in some of those experiences.

I miss a lot of things but have seen and become comfortable with changes and what they mean in my life. I miss my mother but feel her presence in my life. I miss my good health but have learned far more from the struggles then had I not had the experiences. I miss other things that were important to me but try to draw something from their memory.

Cate,
Oh you edited it, good, serves me right for being lazy and only reading it in my email, thought I was going to have to come and tell you that you were wrong, *phew*. They seem like very simple questions, but they really make you dig deep, I don`t see that as a bad thing at all, and often the deepest thoughts can be expressed in only a few words. I think these questions could be answered on a daily basis and you would get new answers each time.



Never post when you are under dosed with caffeine

 

[Darkknight2010]

I once heard it said that the secret to understanding other people is that every person
(1) Loves something
(2) Fears something
(3) Lost something

If you can understand these three things about someone, you can learn better how to deal with him/her in any context -- social, business, romantic, etc. Of course, whether to use this knowledge for good or bad is up to you.

What about you? What do you love? What do you fear? And what have you lost?

Wow... heady topic.

1. Hmmmmmmmmm... love my Dad, my friends... fell head-over-heals, soul-mate kinda love twice. (Ok, that's another topic, but just bear with me.) First time it happened, I didn't think it was possible to find someone you clicked with THAT much... then it did happen again... my dreams... hope

2. Being alone... lletting go of those I love... feeling inadequate, unable to do everything possible to keep love going... loosing the bits and pieces of my sanity I've finally managed to put together... my independence...

3. My Mom, my Grandfather... my fearlessness I had in college... ok, that isn't necessarily a BAD thing, but sometimes being too safe isn't great either... lost one lover for a looooooooooong list of reasons, lost the other for equally long list of reasons, and may have completely lost her because I'm afraid of letting go...

 

[BeachLovers]

beachlovers: so to understand others, one must understand oneself? have you been teaching in a tibetan monastery? i really like that.

ed

Yes, I heard it while meditating about the sound of one hand clapping... ;-)

Glad you like it and found it interesting!