Love and lust and us

[Quint]

This is totally based upon both myself and what I have seen in close friends. I by no means intend to say "this is how it is" or "this is how it should be." Please continue.

The question: does it seem like male/male relationships, very generally speaking, seem to be based upon lust primarily, while female/female relationships are based primarily on the smooshie feelings?

In myself, I've commented a few times on how I very, very rarely lust after femmeflesh like I do for cock. But the thought of cuddling and kissing a girl will sustain me for hours, whereas with a male (aside the SO), my attention would probably drift a little.

Also, in the gay men I've known, love seems to be a secondary desire, if one at all. I have known some very romantic gay men, true, but the majority of the ones I'm friends with seem to treat their sexuality by the first three letters. They hook up, they date, they fuck. It seems somewhat more primal.

I've had much less experience with lesbians, and I realize that with this being a porn site and all, there is bound to be a high number of lusty ladies here, but this is what I have found from my own experience.

Discuss?

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

The question: does it seem like male/male relationships, very generally speaking, seem to be based upon lust primarily, while female/female relationships are based primarily on the smooshie feelings?

Discuss?

I have a cousin whom is in love with an older man. They are together and very serious. They informed me (last night) that they are planning on their first sexual experience together. They have a date, a place and a time chosen. Guaging from their relationship..i would give a resounding NO!! But then again, the people involved are both very serious, very honest and hard-working individuals. I think (generally) that most relationships are started by lust...women just try to cover it up more by calling it *love* or *connecting* instead of just plain old *she's hot..i wanna Fuck her* !!

IMO, maybe gay men (generally speaking) have the right of it...though from what i have seen of same sex relationships, it's usually all the same. Lust is always a factor and caring, loving come a lil later...just like in the hetero world.
PET

 

[Guest]

The question: does it seem like male/male relationships, very generally speaking, seem to be based upon lust primarily, while female/female relationships are based primarily on the smooshie feelings?

In all my female/female relationships... it has all been about lust and some friendship. I have never had 'feelings' for another woman.. well yet. I don't know if I will ever get really smooshie over another woman...because I haven't experienced it.

 

[Effigy]

The question: does it seem like male/male relationships, very generally speaking, seem to be based upon lust primarily, while female/female relationships are based primarily on the smooshie feelings?

Cant go on the girls side, but guys are more lust driven, two guys after eachother makes it higher it seems. When i go out to the clubs you see it borne out... and it makes me wonder, when you come out, and start going into the boys clubs... is it the understanded peer prssure that makes you that way, or is it your own internal drive. I cant do it so... I just sit on the edge

 

[Ms_Lilith]

The gay men I've known have been deep, wonderful folks, who were in it even more for love than for sex. Many waited for a LONG time before being intimate with their partners, because they just wanted to explore each other's personalities and such. I always thought, and still do think that it's incredibly beautiful...

As for women-women... I don't know... I know that for me it's love over lust, even though I do want to fuck a certain woman's brains out now and again...

 

[Queersetti]

The question is, Quint, how do you know the gay men you know?

If you know them from meeting them at a club or bar, or through something like a student or political organization, they are most likely among the most open segment of gay men, which, just as with straights, will tend towards singles.

Those who are in loving relationships are more likely to have a low social profile, in that they probably don't go out as much in a way that makes them visible. Again, isn't that generally the way with committed couples of any orientation.

Are gay men, as a group, more likely to emphasize lust over love than are lesbians or straights?

I'd say the answer is probably yes, but not in as great a proportion as one might suppose based on observation of the visible part of the community.

 

[Quint]

Excellent replies, all...I knew there would be a great deal of discrepancy. After all, it was a blanket question, and I have yet to find a time when those can be unanimously answered.

Queersetti, I agree that context of my acquaintance with these people is important to consider. My boyfriend T is a music major, and so from being with him, I have met and developed varying degrees of friendship with his (also music major) friends, many many many of whom are gay. I would think that's a general enough field that both the singles-looking-for-fun and serious-lifetime-partner-seekers would be found within. His best friend falls somewhere in between the two fields; he dates frequently and I don't think he's had a celibate relationship since discovering that he was gay, but he also doesn't hook up with some other guys we know who try to get as many naked men in the same room as possible at a time.

Also, this inference was pulled from a statement on another thread about how there is generally a greater number of clubs geared towards gay men than lesbians. However, I'm assuming that the deep-down purpose of these clubs is to meet people for temporary ummmm affections. They're fucktraps. If this is the case, it would seem to support the general concept of men as seeking other men for fleshly delights. Gawd, is my language at an all-time low or what?

Playing Devil's Advocate here. Thanks again for all the terrific replies!

 

[Queersetti]

There's a generational factor to consider here, as well. The bars are mostly geared towards a younger crowd, who are, of course, less likely to be partnered.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

There's a generational factor to consider here, as well. The bars are mostly geared towards a younger crowd, who are, of course, less likely to be partnered.

verry true...though it seems in some cases that people DO end up together because of an inauspicious meeting (or 3) from a bar stool to the bedroom to *LOVE*...the bars i frequent as i stated in another thread are pretty mixed...with mostly couples (or soon to be couples) in attendance. Maybe that's why i don't see the *fuck em, suck 'em* scene so much...
PET

 

[Rhys]

fuck I guess I am weird then. I prefer emotional involvement.

Edited to add:

I did the wild thing a long time ago. I went through a period of experimentation with just about everything and when I came out on the other side of that experience...I discovered that being physically attracted to someone was just that...physical. Its like going to the clubs here...there are a lot of beautiful people. There are a lot of beautiful women I'd like to fuck. But, I did that, already. I think the shallowness of the club scene...and thats any scene gay or straight just turns me off. I go and have a lot of fun with my mates but as far as meeting the love of my life? Nah. I know its not happening there.

The bookstore maybe.

 

[Queersetti]

verry true...though it seems in some cases that people DO end up together because of an inauspicious meeting (or 3) from a bar stool to the bedroom to *LOVE*...the bars i frequent as i stated in another thread are pretty mixed...with mostly couples (or soon to be couples) in attendance. Maybe that's why i don't see the *fuck em, suck 'em* scene so much...
PET

Oh absolutely. I just mean that, like straights, happily committed gay couples are more likely to be at home together, and therefore, less visible to the rest of the world.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Oh absolutely. I just mean that, like straights, happily committed gay couples are more likely to be at home together, and therefore, less visible to the rest of the world.

true very true...and when they do choose to come out, it's together. I guess maybe the clubs that i frequent are rather nice (1 of them is a members only place) and so the clientelle is a different type as well. Perhaps, the regular young crowd goes to get their freak on...but the older settled crowd is too content with what they have to be out making fools of themselves. (now if only my girl was closer so that i could be happily gay too!!!!)
PET

 

[Netzach]

People break the molds all the time. Generalizations are gross. But I'm going to make a gross one.

I've noticed that male attraction and female attraction are different animals, usually and this goes for straight people too....

women get to know you, see if they like you, go on long walks, talk about everything in the World, fall in love, and emotionally attach, then decide it's ok to have sex.

men lust, fuck, then emotionally attach, slowly but surely, deeply madly truly, and they *mean* it when they do finally say "I love you."

I follow the latter pattern. Let's get it on, if I like you, you know maybe you can leave a toothbrush or something...

why I have a terrible time hooking up with girls.