Losing Virginity for Gays

[Etoile]

I could have sworn I already started a topic about this, but I can't find it anywhere! http://www.amanita.net/images/smilies/huh-question.gif

I'm watching a show on MTV called "A Social History of Virginity" - which isn't about history at all, it's just a bunch of 20-somethings talking about losing their virginity - and they've got a token lesbian on there. She claims that most lesbians consider having oral sex to be when they've lost their virginity, "because if you're going to have penetration, you might as well be with a man."

This is a load of crap, as far as I'm concerned! Even I'm not sure exactly when a lesbian has lost her virginity (though it happens that for me it did involve receiving oral sex), but the idea that penetration makes it equivalent to sex with a man is just silly. (The girl has said some other things that are pretty dopey, it's too bad they picked her.)

So I'm wondering - when do you think a lesbian has lost her virginity? Does penetration make it like having sex with a guy? And to be fair - do gay men feel it's oral sex or anal intercourse that marks the virginity line? (They've had a couple of gay men on this show, and one feels it's oral sex while the other feels it's anal sex.)

 

[Queersetti]

I suppose it is a matter of what you consider the action after which you feel that you have irrevocably changed. For some that might be oral, for others anal, penetration, etc.

It's all about your self perception, in my opinion.

 

[ExistentialLuv]

When that cherry is popped my dear, be it by a man or woman.

 

[Etoile]

When that cherry is popped my dear, be it by a man or woman.

I assume you're talking about a hymen being broken. Not all girls keep their hymens until they have sex. Some lose them by riding bicycles, using tampons, masturbating, etc. I don't think that's a good marker of losing virginity at all. Or did you mean something else?

 

[ExistentialLuv]

I was joking doll I am in kind of an odd sense of humor today, and I forget only PJ gets my meanings when I get like this.


Honestly I believe it is a matter of opinion when you lose your viginity. For me I fell it was the first time I was with a woman. (She ate a cherry out of me) You might understand the joke a little more now.

I am off to the doctor. Chat with you all later.

 

[MzChrista]

Well if its about penetration then Im still as pure as the new fallen snow.
Im with Q. If you think whatever you did make you not a virgin thats all that counts.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I guess my back ground makes it rather difficult for me to answer this question. I was molested for 2 years (until i was 10) and lost both my vaginal and anal cherry in that time. For me, I never felt like I had an ounce of virginity to lose. However, until my first real girlfriend (i was not of age) i had never given myself willingly to anyone. So for me, it was my *first* time. And though no penetration was involved...i still think of her as the one who took my cherry.

later
pet

 

[Pookie]

I've always looked at it in terms of specific sex acts, like losing your oral virginity, anal, etc. Obviously, some acts don't involve penetration. I just view it as the first time doing something.

 

[april-wine]

Personally I think it's the first time you are with your partner in sexual context, it may not mean penetration....That's just how I view it anyway....

 

[NW_bi_boy]

Loosing it...

An interesting subject. I, also, was abused as a youth for a fairly long period of time. However, I remember the first time I was with a girl, which was the first consentual sex. I was very nervous, excited... happy. I guess I have to side with "feelings" over "physicallity" on being what makes for loosing "it".

 

[Netzach]

To me, it's the first time I tried to have an orgasm in the same room as another girl who was touching me and trying to have an orgasm. It's all about the orgasm and the trying.

For me anyway.

(we did)

 

[replicant]

Chasing Amy had a good segment on this question to some extent, but it was really more of a discussion on the definition of having sex.

Kinda funny and a touch enlightening excerpt from Chasing Amy:

HOLDEN
Girls feel right.

ALYSSA
And that’s how I feel. I’ve never
really been attracted to men. I’m
more comfortable with the idea of
girls.

HOLDEN
Wait, wait, wait - you’re still a
virgin?

ALYSSA
No.

HOLDEN
But you’ve only been with girls.

ALYSSA
You’re saying a person’s a virgin
until they’ve had intercourse with a
member of the opposite sex?

HOLDEN
Isn’t that the standard definition?

ALYSSA
Again with the standards. I think
virginity is lost when you make love
for the first time.

HOLDEN
With a member of the opposite sex.

ALYSSA
Why? Why only then?

HOLDEN
Because that’s the standard.

ALYSSA
So if a virgin is raped, then she’s
still a virgin?

HOLDEN
Of course not.

ALYSSA
But rape is not the standard. So
she’s had sex, but not the standard
idea of sex. Hence, according to
your definition, she’d still be a
virgin.

HOLDEN
Okay, I’ll revise. Virginity is lost
when the hymen is broken.

ALYSSA
Then I lost my virginity at ten,
because I fell on a fence post when I
was ten, and it broke my hymen. Now I
have to tell people that I lost it to
a wooden post I’d known my whole young
life?

HOLDEN
Second revision - virginity is lost
through penetration.

ALYSSA
Physical penetration or emotional?

HOLDEN
Emotional?

ALYSSA
Well, I fell in love hard with Caitlin
Bree when we were in high school.

HOLDEN
Physical penetration.

ALYSSA
We had sex.

HOLDEN
Yeah, but not real sex.

ALYSSA
I move to have that remark stricken
from the record. On account of it
makes you come off as completely naive
and infantile.

HOLDEN
Well where’s the penetration in
lesbian sex.

Alyssa holds up her hand.

HOLDEN
A finger? Come on. I’ve had my
finger in my ass but I wouldn’t say
I’ve had anal sex.

ALYSSA
Did I hold up a finger?
(waves her hand)

HOLDEN
(beat; then he gets it)
You’re kidding?!?!
(she nods)
How...?!?

ALYSSA
Our bodies are built to pass a child,
for Christ’s sake.

HOLDEN
But doesn’t it hurt?!

ALYSSA
Sure. But in a good way. And it’s
only a once-in-awhile thing - reserved
for really special occasions.

HOLDEN
What about not-so-special occasions?

ALYSSA
Tongue only.

HOLDEN
But how can that be enough? I mean,
let’s be real - how big can a tongue
even get?

Alyssa swallows what she’s chewing and releases her
tongue, which is just huge. Holden is transfixed.
Alyssa wraps it back up and smiles, standing.

ALYSSA
Let’s go.

She exits. Holden remains in the swing. Alyssa comes
back in.

 

[Cigan]

I have to say that I think virginity is a psychological thing. Yes there are the membranes which are lost by females, but I really think that being a virgin is a state of mind. It a way you think about sex, and once you've had enough sexual activity, you just think about it differently. Hell some gay men never have anal sex, they just have a whole lot of oral, does that make them virgins for the whole life. I think not.

 

[Etoile]

Okay, I can totally accept that virginity is psychological, that it's when you're with a partner sexually, whenever you feel you've lost it...but what about for heterosexuals? I want gut reactions here, don't think about it! Do these definitions of losing virginity apply to straight couples, or is it still penis-in-vagina sex that draws the line in those cases? Remember, instinctive response!

Oh, and replicant, thanks for the Chasing Amy excerpt - it's great! (haven't seen that movie in forever)

 

[Effigy]

I only came here for the chasing amy quote.

I think I go with the penetration thing too

 

[Cigan]

I have to say that I think virginity is a psychological thing. Yes there are the membranes which are lost by females, but I really think that being a virgin is a state of mind. It a way you think about sex, and once you've had enough sexual activity, you just think about it differently. Hell some gay men never have anal sex, they just have a whole lot of oral, does that make them virgins for the whole life. I think not.

I am inclined to say that the psychological defenition still applies to heterosexuals. However, since most heteros (note I said most not all) hold to the traditional defenition of sex as is demonstrated in the Chasing Amy quote, then for most hetero's the moment when they psychologically think about their virginity being lost is going to be penis in vagina.

 

[NW_bi_boy]

Sex comes in many flavors...

I voted for Bill, but I don't believe that oral sex is not sex. The emotional aspect seems right. If two people derive sexual pleasure from each other, they are no longer 'untouched'.

 

[Never]

When she feels like she’s been royally fucked?

 

[Effigy]

When she feels like she’s been royally fucked?

I MISSSSSSS you

and, yes I think that would suffice.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I think loosing your virginity is pretty much a state of mind. A girl could give literally hundreds of blowjobs and participate in anal sex with just as many and still claim she was a virgin. Tecnically at least. A girl who passed out at a party and lost her maidenhead while unconcious might still feel she was a virgin.

Virginity is usually equated in the mind with innocence in some form. To the minds of most lesbians I know "loosing it" was a far less momentous occurance than "coming out" or realizing she was gay. For that it need not involve oral or penetration. A simple kiss may have been all it took to know.


On the note of penetration: the girl you describe has a very militant feminist view. I am sure she was chosen because it was controversial and made good press. I like pentration a lot, but to say I would enjoy it with a man or a transexual is a pretty flimsy surmise. Just because my partner likes to use a strapon dosen't mean she wants to be a man and it damn sure dosen't imply I want her to be one.

-Colly

 

[Etoile]

On the note of penetration: the girl you describe has a very militant feminist view. I am sure she was chosen because it was controversial and made good press. I like pentration a lot, but to say I would enjoy it with a man or a transexual is a pretty flimsy surmise. Just because my partner likes to use a strapon dosen't mean she wants to be a man and it damn sure dosen't imply I want her to be one.

I totally agree with you on that's why she was chosen. And you've stated my feelings on penetration pretty well too.

 

[69forever]

Okay, I can totally accept that virginity is psychological, that it's when you're with a partner sexually, whenever you feel you've lost it...but what about for heterosexuals? I want gut reactions here, don't think about it! Do these definitions of losing virginity apply to straight couples, or is it still penis-in-vagina sex that draws the line in those cases? Remember, instinctive response!

Oh, and replicant, thanks for the Chasing Amy excerpt - it's great! (haven't seen that movie in forever)

Let's see if this makes sense. I'm bi. My first sexual situation was with another male. I didn't realize the implications and feelings at the time. Thus I didn't lose my cherry there. It was "play". As a lot of men do, but won't admit too.

Then I discovered women, kissing, petting, fingering, her stroking me...still considered myself a virgin. High school stuff.

A woman 10 years my senior took me to bed and we had penetrating sex. At the time, I considered that losing my cherry.

I'm not so sure anymore...

When did I lose my m/m virginity...I've got to think about that, if it was the first time that the physical act happened or the realization that I was emotionally drawn to it. Gut feelings. Unsure the answer.

 

[exovick]

male and female experience

.....

 

[John Doe]

I lost it a long time ago...OH, you mean my virginity?

 

[Raimondin]

So I'm wondering - when do you think a lesbian has lost her virginity? Does penetration make it like having sex with a guy? And to be fair - do gay men feel it's oral sex or anal intercourse that marks the virginity line? (They've had a couple of gay men on this show, and one feels it's oral sex while the other feels it's anal sex.)

It is a load of crap. I think losing your virginity (gay or lesbian) is the moment you decide to go through with it but not necessarily being penetrated. The first time I had a cock in my mouth that was it! I think that was the moment I had actually "lost" my virginity. It wan't until much later that I actually had anal intercourse, but by that time I think it was pretty much a done deal. Call it "innocence lost" or whatever, oral sex to me was it for me. The anal sex part (or penetration) was just "part two" of the whole show. Therefore, is losing your virginity a mental or physical thing? I think it's both.