Losing my story virginity

[AaronLove]

Hello all. I'm Aaron Love. I was wondering what many of you thought of my first story? I am thinking of calling the ongoing stories "Chronicles of a College Cock Monger". Let me know what you think of this first story in what may be a hot series.

Thanks.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=359000

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Hello all. I'm Aaron Love. I was wondering what many of you thought of my first story? I am thinking of calling the ongoing stories "Chronicles of a College Cock Monger". Let me know what you think of this first story in what may be a hot series.

Thanks.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=359000

Aaron, sorry, I'm glad you had the courage to post, but this is not a story and needs some serious editing.

There is nothing wrong with stroke pieces, just that authors know what they've written and are going for the sticky hand vote.

I couldn't begin to give you a critique of your story - it is just a helter-skelter 'get your rocks off' piece. Don't get me wrong, there is a big audience here that wants that style. It's just a bit inappropriate to ask here for critique of a 'spray it over your keyboard' post.

Plot, character, emotion, dramatic tension?

 

[Lalah]

Don't listen to him, there's nothing wrong with stroke stories or asking for feedback on them. Also I wouldn't call a 3 pages story a stroke story, even if it is focused on the sex.

There's some mistakes, but those I saw were relatively minor and didn't detract too much from the story. I'd say it is very well written for a first time. I have issues with someone trusting a strange couple he met on the internet, but I can ignore it for the sake of the story.

I'm surprised the mods let it go to anal considering the gay sex, but I suppose the anal section is less strict about this.

Edit: Oh and also. Your paragraphs on page two and three were a little long, you might want to try and keep them shorter in your next story.

 

[tickledkitty]

This is, indeed, a stroke story. Not sure what else you'd call it. There's nothing wrong with that, and as elfin said, a lot of folks enjoy them.

Also, I would definitely call it a story. There is a tiny bit of tension with the main character being young and inexperienced and having to trust the other couple and all that. Also, he is changed by his experiences. Yep, I'd definitely call it a story.

The problem is that it's not very engaging and is short on plot. To be honest, I only read the first page and skimmed the rest. I'm not sure there's actually enough material there to warrant three pages.

I'm not really sure what type of feedback you're looking for, so I won't comment further, other than to say I think you need an editor.

 

[Lalah]

I'd say it's between stroke and wathever is after that. Like you said there is some character developlment, and there are hints of future plot. I don't know, maybe I'd call it a teaser for the coming series.

 

[AaronLove]

Thanks

I guess, I myself got caught up in the sex part of the story. Being that I wrote it in the middle of a dry spell. I suppose I could repost with some additional stuff I was thinking of adding but, then it would end up being a 5 page stroke story. I didn't realize there would be any fuss over the gay anal sex since there is an incest story section. I kind of figured, "if they let that stuff in then pretty much anything is up for grabs."

Here's the thing, I do have an overall plot that I'm working on. It wouldn't be divulged in the first story rather hinted at. Maybe my lack of mentioning certain things, because this character lacks something integral but doesn't know how to express it, was misinterpreted as an overall lack of substance. Gives me something to think about.

Great, I'm already turning out to be the writer that has to defend his work instead of his work defending him. Back to square one.

Thanks again for the feedback. Even if some of you think it was too harsh, it just reminded me that I won't be selling any best sellers.

Completely grounded.

 

[Lalah]

There's nothing wrong with gay sex, it's just that it usually get sent to the gay section which is why I'm surprised they let it go to anal.

Maybe you could just edit it to add a couple more hints of what's coming in the future.

 

[where]

There's nothing wrong with gay sex, it's just that it usually get sent to the gay section which is why I'm surprised they let it go to anal.

Maybe you could just edit it to add a couple more hints of what's coming in the future.

So is the anal section only for straight sex then?

On the subject of stroke stories (or maybe flick stories ) I'd rather read a really good stroke story than some of the stuff that tries to have higher aims. It's the reason I come to Lit. If I want to read 'proper' literature I'll get a book.

But then I'm also biased because my stories are unashamedly aimed at arousal and nothing more.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

On the subject of stroke stories (or maybe flick stories ) I'd rather read a really good stroke story than some of the stuff that tries to have higher aims. It's the reason I come to Lit. If I want to read 'proper' literature I'll get a book.

But then I'm also biased because my stories are unashamedly aimed at arousal and nothing more.

First of all, if you want to read really well written stories that qualify as literature, you can find them on Lit if you look.

Secondly, the low-end stroke stories out number the well written stories about 500 to 1, which tells you something of the average skill level of the writers here.

If you want to be average that's fine, but many of us see Lit as a learning place where skills can be honed and the art of writing learned.

Which way you want to see it is entirely up to you.

JJ

 

[tickledkitty]

I guess, I myself got caught up in the sex part of the story. Being that I wrote it in the middle of a dry spell. I suppose I could repost with some additional stuff I was thinking of adding but, then it would end up being a 5 page stroke story. I didn't realize there would be any fuss over the gay anal sex since there is an incest story section. I kind of figured, "if they let that stuff in then pretty much anything is up for grabs."

Here's the thing, I do have an overall plot that I'm working on. It wouldn't be divulged in the first story rather hinted at. Maybe my lack of mentioning certain things, because this character lacks something integral but doesn't know how to express it, was misinterpreted as an overall lack of substance. Gives me something to think about.

Great, I'm already turning out to be the writer that has to defend his work instead of his work defending him. Back to square one.

Thanks again for the feedback. Even if some of you think it was too harsh, it just reminded me that I won't be selling any best sellers.

Completely grounded.

You don't have to defend yourself at all. Seriously.

Take what you can. Learn from it. Move on.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

First of all, if you want to read really well written stories that qualify as literature, you can find them on Lit if you look.

Secondly, the low-end stroke stories out number the well written stories about 500 to 1, which tells you something of the average skill level of the writers here.

If you want to be average that's fine, but many of us see Lit as a learning place where skills can be honed and the art of writing learned.

Which way you want to see it is entirely up to you.

JJ

Why do I always miss your perfect nuancing of a critique.

You's pretty good girly.

Elle

 

[freshface]

So is the anal section only for straight sex then?

Ummm...yes. People looking for Gay Male stories look in the GM section. It gives you a lot more freedom as a GM author though. Everything from romance to reluctance goes in the same category, so you don't have to wonder how to categorize a piece that fits several categories.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

I guess, I myself got caught up in the sex part of the story. Being that I wrote it in the middle of a dry spell. I suppose I could repost with some additional stuff I was thinking of adding but, then it would end up being a 5 page stroke story. I didn't realize there would be any fuss over the gay anal sex since there is an incest story section. I kind of figured, "if they let that stuff in then pretty much anything is up for grabs."

Here's the thing, I do have an overall plot that I'm working on. It wouldn't be divulged in the first story rather hinted at. Maybe my lack of mentioning certain things, because this character lacks something integral but doesn't know how to express it, was misinterpreted as an overall lack of substance. Gives me something to think about.

Great, I'm already turning out to be the writer that has to defend his work instead of his work defending him. Back to square one.

Thanks again for the feedback. Even if some of you think it was too harsh, it just reminded me that I won't be selling any best sellers.

Completely grounded.

Perhaps not true. TK was fair and honest.

We all have to start somewhere and you have the basics of a good writer.

I'll probably get a load of criticism,but my take on writing fiction, especially erotic fiction, is that it is pretty analogous to prostitution.

You show a bit of leg, the smells and the emotion take over and...

Please write more.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Why do I always miss your perfect nuancing of a critique.

You's pretty good girly.

Elle

You know me, Elle. Cut through the bullshit, tell it straight and take no prisoners

 

[starrkers]

On the subject of stroke stories (or maybe flick stories ) I'd rather read a really good stroke story than some of the stuff that tries to have higher aims. It's the reason I come to Lit. If I want to read 'proper' literature I'll get a book.

But then I'm also biased because my stories are unashamedly aimed at arousal and nothing more.

Definitely with you on that one.

First of all, if you want to read really well written stories that qualify as literature, you can find them on Lit if you look.

Secondly, the low-end stroke stories out number the well written stories about 500 to 1, which tells you something of the average skill level of the writers here.

If you want to be average that's fine, but many of us see Lit as a learning place where skills can be honed and the art of writing learned.

Which way you want to see it is entirely up to you.

JJ

I try for well written stroke.
So much of the "better" stuff here is posturingly awful.
Personally, I thought the aim was for the reader to have a good wank, not the writer.

 

[Lion24655]

In then end, Literotica is surely big enough to embrace all styles or writing. Most people - most of us - can tell by the end of the first paragraph whether it's a story that we would choose to read or not. I know sometimes we may miss out when we make the judgement, but then we'll find something else good.
Some of us have written quite a few stories, and have forgotten what it was like to post our first story. I congratulate Aaronlove for getting a story up. I have evenmore respect for him for asking for advice - I would have been too terrified of that, and still terrified of what the votes and comments might be for a story when I first put it up.
Let's support each other, give good advice from a sense of care for each other - and lets simply enjoy the vast selection of stories we have access too, rather than comparing one sort with another. Let's enjoy the fun of literotica, but lets get our fun from supporting each other, helping each other: but let's not get from hurting each other and being nasty to each other. I'm glad this thread reflects all of those things.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Definitely with you on that one.


I try for well written stroke.
So much of the "better" stuff here is posturingly awful.
Personally, I thought the aim was for the reader to have a good wank, not the writer.

There's a big difference between the low-end, quick wank story and a well written erotic story, Starrkers. You know that. One has plot, character development, action, a beginning, middle and a conclusion. The other is "Hi, my name's Jason. Wanna fuck?" Bang Bang. "Gee I'm covered with your hot sticky cum. What'd you say your name was again?" The End.

 

[AaronLove]

Criticism

I found that though most of you seemed to bash the story, even though the plot was in it's infancy and I had only planted seeds of what was to come, most of you agreed that I had promise.

Here's the thing, I don't really write erotica. I write more mainstream stuff. I found myself having writer's block and having difficulty with descriptors. I did what any red blooded American man would do and wrote about something that could "flow" out of me. It helped. My mainstream stuff started to improve because I spent more time on the details.

That said, I'm not sure if I'll be posting again. The drive I had my notes and two more chapters stored on has decided to stage a separatists movement. It wants the benefits of the power my computer supplies without letting me access it.

However, I wanted it made aware that my not posting wasn't caused by discouragement over my "Stroke Piece." I knew what I was writing and honestly sometimes I read some stuff on here that is so long winded and self absorbed I can't help but wonder who would think it was erotic. Such is variety though. What I cherish another may think is trite. Anyone interested to know the final outcome of the story can send me feedback. If I get enough, I'll skip to the final chapter, tell the back story in a flashback and end the piece. Until then, may all your writings inspire others, even if it is just to rub one out and good luck with whatever goals you've set forth for yourselves.

Peace.

I'm out.

 

[Guest]

AaronLove, you have lots of hot details and some thoroughly lusty ideas.

It is a fairly well-written story that focuses on the sex. But with a little editing it would read easier and your readers would enjoy it more.

You start with almost immediate sex and your ending is very abrupt. And I would have put it into the Group Sex category, myself. Although there is quite a bit of gay male in there, too.

Be careful not to overuse certain descriptors. (How many times should you say sphincter in a story?)

You need an editor to help smooth things out. Your sentences are choppy in many places, you need to separate any dialogue into different paragraphs for easier reading, and you need to break up many paragraphs into smaller pieces.

As for getting all huffy over the advice given here, YOU were the one who asked for critique. People didn't seek out your story to bash, they responded to your request for assistance. And this isn't a fledgling story. It's already posted on a porn site. Isn't it ready to be up?

The only way to improve writing skills (whether stroke or Pulitzer Prize-winning work) is to practice, take the constructive comments, and practice some more. If you do write mainstream stuff that should already be a given.

Critique hurts, especially the constructive kind because you know it's accurate.

Get over it and get back to writing.