Lose of intimacy after i got fit.

[Sincitysleepless]

Just random wanted some place to speak my mind. But 18 months ago I was almost 400 lbs. Lost over 100 pounds and now work out everyday. Training for an ironman. Though I feel great and look great I feel like my partner has lost interest in me. I love her and being with her but have started feeling less wanted since getting fit. Does anyone else ever feel this way? I feel bad but some days I want to just have one of the gym ladies have her way with me.

 

[Noor]

Just random wanted some place to speak my mind. But 18 months ago I was almost 400 lbs. Lost over 100 pounds and now work out everyday. Training for an ironman. Though I feel great and look great I feel like my partner has lost interest in me. I love her and being with her but have started feeling less wanted since getting fit. Does anyone else ever feel this way? I feel bad but some days I want to just have one of the gym ladies have her way with me.

When people change there can be a period of period you just lost a quarter of your body weight, it may take some getting used to someone who loved you just the way you were. You probably spend a lot more time in the gym then before and you may be like spending less time with her. Plus with your weight loss and getting fat, she may feel obligated to do so to.
She may also feel insecure. There are groups of men who change their bodies when they’re interested in someone new, and she may be wondering about that.
I think you should talk to her about everything, especially the relationship and any changes that she’s seeing and if anything is making her feel uncomfortable. You’re saying you’re thinking about the gym girls it’s probably not helping because most women in relationships can tell when you’re thinking that.

 

[SalviaDivinorum]

Just random wanted some place to speak my mind. But 18 months ago I was almost 400 lbs. Lost over 100 pounds and now work out everyday. Training for an ironman. Though I feel great and look great I feel like my partner has lost interest in me. I love her and being with her but have started feeling less wanted since getting fit. Does anyone else ever feel this way? I feel bad but some days I want to just have one of the gym ladies have her way with me.

You know what this sounds like to me?
It sounds like you think you've moved up a league and want try your luck with the "gym ladies".
Go right ahead, if that's what you want to do, but don't try to blame your partner for that.

It's striking how you reject responsibility for what you have and for what you want to do - you want to "have one of the gym ladies have her way with you" - gym lady's fault - because you "feel your partner has lost interest in you - partner's fault.

By all means, do what you want to do, but take responsibility for it.

 

[Tigersman]

You didn't say how much your wife weighed so I'll image she is of a normal weight. Your wife may be feeling insecure because she is thinking you're going to leave her. I had a patient whose husband was insecure. He married her when she was a model, tall, slender, and beautiful. Over the years after three kids, she was really overweight. She said she started losing weight because she could not keep up with the kids or enjoy them. When she was really close to her target weight her husband divorced her. She went through what you are now experiencing with your wife except she stayed faithful to her husband. After the divorce she started putting on weight again. I think you need to have a good sit-down conversation with your wife about why you are losing weight and how you feel about her reaction to her. Ask her what her fears are about your weight loss.

 

[FataMorgana]

Just random wanted some place to speak my mind. But 18 months ago I was almost 400 lbs. Lost over 100 pounds and now work out everyday. Training for an ironman. Though I feel great and look great I feel like my partner has lost interest in me. I love her and being with her but have started feeling less wanted since getting fit. Does anyone else ever feel this way? I feel bad but some days I want to just have one of the gym ladies have her way with me.

The fact that probably the gym ladies wouldn't have given you the time of day before doesn't put you off?

 

[CTim]

Little different angle, but have you thought maybe your expectations of how she should behave towards you have changed? I've got myself in much better shape the last three or four years. Lost 30 pounds, actually have visible abs and muscles, feel and look much more vigorous, etc. I even get occasional comments and looks from the ladies at the gym and at work.

Yet, my wife doesn't act much different at all towards me. Sure, she's happy I'm healthier, but I thought she might to want to jump me occasionally. I mean come on, your 50ish husband has visible abs, plenty of muscles, and is well endowed to boot. My take is that women on the whole just don't think like men. Shocker there I know. Sure, the adventurous women on Lit and those portrayed in Hollywood might seem to think and act like men want, but I don't think that's how many of them work. They just aren't as visual as a rule and many/most of them have responsive desire instead of the spontaneous desire that men have.

 

[Saint_Ann]

300 pounds is excessive for an ironman event.

 

[Noor]

Little different angle, but have you thought maybe your expectations of how she should behave towards you have changed? I've got myself in much better shape the last three or four years. Lost 30 pounds, actually have visible abs and muscles, feel and look much more vigorous, etc. I even get occasional comments and looks from the ladies at the gym and at work.

Yet, my wife doesn't act much different at all towards me. Sure, she's happy I'm healthier, but I thought she might to want to jump me occasionally. I mean come on, your 50ish husband has visible abs, plenty of muscles, and is well endowed to boot. My take is that women on the whole just don't think like men. Shocker there I know. Sure, the adventurous women on Lit and those portrayed in Hollywood might seem to think and act like men want, but I don't think that's how many of them work. They just aren't as visual as a rule and many/most of them have responsive desire instead of the spontaneous desire that men have.

That’s very true. There is a big difference in reactions to nudity, at least in the US, if it’s a guy and he isn’t doing things to emphasize his penis, women don’t really notice, and if he does it’s usually a disgust or fear response.
Whereas nude women get stared at even if they are just changing clothes.
Look at how bent out of shape guys get from wardrobe accidents.

 

[KatieDoes]

Just random wanted some place to speak my mind. But 18 months ago I was almost 400 lbs. Lost over 100 pounds and now work out everyday. Training for an ironman. Though I feel great and look great I feel like my partner has lost interest in me. I love her and being with her but have started feeling less wanted since getting fit. Does anyone else ever feel this way? I feel bad but some days I want to just have one of the gym ladies have her way with me.

First, congrats on getting fit. That took a lot of work, and it’s an accomplishment to be proud of.

Second… she married you, yes? So she’s presumably physically attracted to you, overall. For a lot of women, our day to day horniness and urges stem less from visual/physical appearances and more from an emotional connection and closeness. You might want to self reflect a bit (or even ask trusted friends that will be honest with you) if there have been changes in your personality that might be what she’s less attracted to. I love me some nice shoulders, but I’m not attracted to them on a man that acts like he’s got one foot out the door because he thinks he can do better now.

 

[DoctorSmith8]

Just random wanted some place to speak my mind. But 18 months ago I was almost 400 lbs. Lost over 100 pounds and now work out everyday. Training for an ironman. Though I feel great and look great I feel like my partner has lost interest in me. I love her and being with her but have started feeling less wanted since getting fit. Does anyone else ever feel this way? I feel bad but some days I want to just have one of the gym ladies have her way with me.

Maybe she is feeling a little insecure now because she thinks you might be more desirable to others.