Looking for some suggestions

[Playnhrd]

I would appreciate some feedback from my first ever submission.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=143532

I had originally considered writing in the second person but it led itself into the first person. The dialogue could be fleshed out some, but otherwise it is there for all to see. Thank you.

I will try and review some other stories today.

 

[Black Tulip]

Playnhrd,

If you are looking for simple feedback on your story you could go to the Story Feedback Forum

This place, the Story Discussion Circle is meant for more thorough criticism. If you want to take part, it's best to read the "stickies" and put your name up in the first thread.

Welcome, by the way.