Looking for some feedback please...

[sexxxiisummer]

I recently submitted my first story and since it is my first attempt I was wondering if anyone had any constructive criticism to offer. I really enjoyed writing this story and am looking for any suggestions to grow as a writer. Thanks!


http://www.literotica.com/s/summers-sweet-revenge

 

[KCJ]

I recently submitted my first story and since it is my first attempt I was wondering if anyone had any constructive criticism to offer. I really enjoyed writing this story and am looking for any suggestions to grow as a writer. Thanks!


http://www.literotica.com/s/summers-sweet-revenge

I have to say I really enjoyed it.

I tend to like a little longer stories, so I would have preferred a little more character development, and perhaps a bit more description of the sexy scene, but overall for a first attempt I thought it was outstanding. The unique story idea/fantasy was very hot, and really that is what made the story intriguing. Very sexy, well written short scene.

Keep it up!

KCJ

 

[sexxxiisummer]

Thank you for the kind words. I certainly could've gone on more in some places but I was afraid of the reader losing interest. Yours isn't the only comment I've gotten saying that, so next time I know I can go on more without feeling that I was rambling. I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond.

 

[Etaski]

Agreed, that's a very good first story.

Good mechanics, good flow, good idea, good tension, sexy description. (The first Anonymous commenter was taking it way too personally, lol!) Likewise, more character development (particularly on Blake, some more hints earlier on as to why he would both agree to her idea and also push it as far as he did) would only strengthen the story.

Really liked Adam's responses, actually; confusion/anger/jealousy/humiliation. They were the real source of tension that made the story powerful (but I think that's also exactly where your detractor was hit hardest--his issue, not yours, obviously. Funny that you got a response from a "real life" Adam).

Glad you got some good responses, too, keep writing!

 

[CWatson]

One big problem I saw is that you aren't using your closing punctuation properly. Whenever you have dialogue, there has to be a punctuation mark before the end-of-line quotation marks. If it can't be a question mark, period or exclamation mark, then it's a comma. You kind of just stopped doing that after Adam gets cuffed to the bed, and while it's obviously not the largest mistake in the history of ever, it's still there.

Also, I might not have put this in Erotic Couplings. But then, I'm not sure what category I would've put it in. Honestly, I don't like the whole "category" system to begin with. The point is, expect angry feedback from entitled readers who weren't expecting to run into cuckolding in their favorite category.

Other than that, no real comments to make. That's a good thing. I'm a perfectionist, so if I don't mention other things, that means nothing was wrong with them. Overall, quite a strong story, especially when it's your first one on the site.