Looking for some feedback from fellow writers on my (mostly) noncon stories!

[Bacchaewiththegoodhair]

I used to write some very steamy fanfic when I was a teen, stopped writing for about 15 years, and now I've taken up writing again. Off of here, I'm attempting to write a novel (still sexual, but with much lighter themes than what I explore here), and I've been sort of getting back into the groove by putting together some short stories.

My first series was received pretty well, I'm two chapters into my second, and I have a one shot story (not noncon, but BDSM focused). I thought that the second series would be better received, so I'd love to get some feedback on it. If you wanted to read my other work and give feedback, I welcome it, but I'd like the focus to be on the latest series, titled "Insubordination." Again, it is a nonconsent story, so only read if that's your cup of tea. Thanks in advance!

https://www.literotica.com/s/insubordination-1

 

[VerbalAbuse]

See:
https://forum.literotica.com/threads/please-provide-feedback-for-my-noncon-series.1628791/

maybe you can trade feedback.

 

[AngelaSaxon]

The first Insubordination story is I think quite well written, both as a general work of fiction and more specifically as erotic literature, issues of reception derived from my own lack of identification with BDSM notwithstanding.

Despite her sub tendencies, I liked that this didn't make her an instant slave the moment some asshole performed 'dom' in her direction, even if as I've written at length recently I'm not the biggest fan of women even eventually becoming so aroused and involved in forced sex that we start being unable to act in our own immediate and obvious interests. I felt like she was very far from the most extreme version of that trope, but she does teeter on the edge, or else I'm just seeing it that way because...

...the rest of this comment is me saying things about someone in her position being de facto blackmailed by any of this in 2025.

Admittedly a pretty specific area of discussion but not a small part of the logic of the narrative ultimately.

If this is set now, it's difficult not to feel the photos and video he takes are less potential leverage than incriminating evidence of a crime, and her anxieties about that are partly.misplaced and unconvincing, her actions don't seem to align with her goals? Any camera recording video is obviously an opportunity to make direct and unambiguous statements about a lack of consent, at any moment, at any key, not-easily-replicable moment?

Sexual response to assault is not a defence in law in the absence of actual consent - I'm not suggesting you're unaware of this, it's actually settled law throughout almost the entire developed world - and circulation of such sexual material both demonstrates.a crime and would itself be a crime...

Even saying "fine if you will only stop torturing me if I orgasm from being tortured, I'll make that happen if I can" would seem useful - there's no law against having a sexual response to pain and that fact in itself is never a basis to claim consent... and despite what is often written or implied in the NC/R section, even at our most aroused and sexually involved, we're usually actually capable of thinking and saying things...

In 2025, does any woman think being the victim of such an extreme, easily provable sexual assault is a basis for reputational damage? because of BDSM kinks or any other reason in this story? Obviously there are sexually conservative people but the erosion of the nudity taboo and of the horror of a released involuntary sex tape seems like an historical reality which undermines the narrative (and hell lots of things, my own kinks very much included).

As a result, it feels a bit retro, like the logic used in NC/R stories set or written... thirty years ago? Obviously people do still use the same basic story logic, but I think with diminishing returns in plausibility?

On the other hand, I might literally be the only one who feels this way.

Also not all stories need to be entirely plausible.

Also I've only read the first Insubordination story, so I might be entirely wrong in thinking the second one is probably based on her negotiating situations that make sense because of these assumptions...?

 

[Bacchaewiththegoodhair]

First, thanks so much for taking the time to read and the thoughtful feedback!

I think the points you've made are pretty valid, though I will say that here in the US there are definitely parts of the country where puritanical attitudes towards sex might make some of these thoughts she has about the leverage seem a little more believable. There are also male dominated industries still where someone having a sex tape released might not get them fired or anything, but would certainly hinder career progression. Not a consideration I would have in that situation, but her priorities while considering are definitely questionable.

If you feel so inclined to read part 2 (I'll warn that it's also pretty BDSM heavy, since you mentioned it's not your cup of tea), I think that I address some of the skepticism you have by getting more into how connected Jared really is and then honestly taking it to an absurd place. I struggled to write the second chapter for a while because I had concerns about logistics and the believability of the stakes, and I think I landed on a more outrageous outcome because I wanted to avoid having to think about plausibility. Just wanted to write about some off the wall NC fucking, you know?

But again, thank you for the kind words about the writing itself, and if you read part 2, would love to hear your thoughts. If you're not up for it, I can just tell you where it ends up lol

 

[AngelaSaxon]

First, thanks so much for taking the time to read and the thoughtful feedback!

I think the points you've made are pretty valid, though I will say that here in the US there are definitely parts of the country where puritanical attitudes towards sex might make some of these thoughts she has about the leverage seem a little more believable. There are also male dominated industries still where someone having a sex tape released might not get them fired or anything, but would certainly hinder career progression. Not a consideration I would have in that situation, but her priorities while considering are definitely questionable.

If you feel so inclined to read part 2 (I'll warn that it's also pretty BDSM heavy, since you mentioned it's not your cup of tea), I think that I address some of the skepticism you have by getting more into how connected Jared really is and then honestly taking it to an absurd place. I struggled to write the second chapter for a while because I had concerns about logistics and the believability of the stakes, and I think I landed on a more outrageous outcome because I wanted to avoid having to think about plausibility. Just wanted to write about some off the wall NC fucking, you know?

But again, thank you for the kind words about the writing itself, and if you read part 2, would love to hear your thoughts. If you're not up for it, I can just tell you where it ends up lol

Obviously Jared having connections is a big part of how this could become more plausible - connections to wealth and power.

And yes I'm certainly well aware of the persistence of such dynamics, as the most recent years in the life of Megan Thee Stallion demonstrate.

Every week another wealthy and powerful man is plausibly accused of abusing a woman and every week people do work hard to find ways to make her the villain, or responsible for her own abuse, or actually just after money, or a pathological liar, even if there's video of them having been, to take a recent example, shot in the foot.

In so many recent cases it's video that has been the downfall - or at least a significant problem - for guys who had previously had armies of paid professionals and unpaid supporters smearing and going after their victims and their credibility. It's harder to do that if there's video of you dragging someone around by their hair and kicking them in the stomach in front of some elevators, to invoke one recent example.

So I do not doubt the persistence of the advantages of wealth and power or connections to said power when it comes to getting away with such things at the expense of the victims.

The first American Pie movie seems like a product of a different era partly because the nonconsensual recording and distribution of a girl naked and in sexual activity is played entirely for laughs when the sole negative consequences are for her, including literally being forced to leave the country. Because both social opinions and the law were quite different.

Similarly, I think the common trope in NC/R stories here where taking video or pictures of someone becomes the basis of blackmail and power is becoming less and less convincing over time.

Apart from being put on video offering the person in question the opportunity to make whatever statement best serves their future needs, I think being the victim of extreme sexual assault increasingly trumps moralising about a woman having a body that's sometimes naked or that is sometimes involved in sexual activity...

But I do like farcical and over-the-top erotic literature sometimes too in which most versions of plausibility are at best an optional extra, so I'll definitely read the second part.

I wonder if now, even in socially conservative Malaysia, someone like Elizabeth Wong would still find herself resigning from parliament because wealthy people and right-wing media set her up for another version of what was the most public revenge porn 'scandal' in that nation's history...

 

[Audiflex]

I used to write some very steamy fanfic when I was a teen, stopped writing for about 15 years, and now I've taken up writing again. Off of here, I'm attempting to write a novel (still sexual, but with much lighter themes than what I explore here), and I've been sort of getting back into the groove by putting together some short stories.

My first series was received pretty well, I'm two chapters into my second, and I have a one shot story (not noncon, but BDSM focused). I thought that the second series would be better received, so I'd love to get some feedback on it. If you wanted to read my other work and give feedback, I welcome it, but I'd like the focus to be on the latest series, titled "Insubordination." Again, it is a nonconsent story, so only read if that's your cup of tea. Thanks in advance!

https://www.literotica.com/s/insubordination-1

Welcome back to writing! It’s awesome that you’re diving into both novels and short stories to find your groove again. Congrats on the positive reception of your first series, that’s a great sign! For “Insubordination,” focusing on pacing and character depth can really elevate the tension and emotional impact. Keep pushing boundaries and refining your voice. Can’t wait to see where your writing journey takes you!

 

[Audiflex]

The first Insubordination story is I think quite well written, both as a general work of fiction and more specifically as erotic literature, issues of reception derived from my own lack of identification with BDSM notwithstanding.

Despite her sub tendencies, I liked that this didn't make her an instant slave the moment some asshole performed 'dom' in her direction, even if as I've written at length recently I'm not the biggest fan of women even eventually becoming so aroused and involved in forced sex that we start being unable to act in our own immediate and obvious interests. I felt like she was very far from the most extreme version of that trope, but she does teeter on the edge, or else I'm just seeing it that way because...

...the rest of this comment is me saying things about someone in her position being de facto blackmailed by any of this in 2025.

Admittedly a pretty specific area of discussion but not a small part of the logic of the narrative ultimately.

If this is set now, it's difficult not to feel the photos and video he takes are less potential leverage than incriminating evidence of a crime, and her anxieties about that are partly.misplaced and unconvincing, her actions don't seem to align with her goals? Any camera recording video is obviously an opportunity to make direct and unambiguous statements about a lack of consent, at any moment, at any key, not-easily-replicable moment?

Sexual response to assault is not a defence in law in the absence of actual consent - I'm not suggesting you're unaware of this, it's actually settled law throughout almost the entire developed world - and circulation of such sexual material both demonstrates.a crime and would itself be a crime...

Even saying "fine if you will only stop torturing me if I orgasm from being tortured, I'll make that happen if I can" would seem useful - there's no law against having a sexual response to pain and that fact in itself is never a basis to claim consent... and despite what is often written or implied in the NC/R section, even at our most aroused and sexually involved, we're usually actually capable of thinking and saying things...

In 2025, does any woman think being the victim of such an extreme, easily provable sexual assault is a basis for reputational damage? because of BDSM kinks or any other reason in this story? Obviously there are sexually conservative people but the erosion of the nudity taboo and of the horror of a released involuntary sex tape seems like an historical reality which undermines the narrative (and hell lots of things, my own kinks very much included).

As a result, it feels a bit retro, like the logic used in NC/R stories set or written... thirty years ago? Obviously people do still use the same basic story logic, but I think with diminishing returns in plausibility?

On the other hand, I might literally be the only one who feels this way.

Also not all stories need to be entirely plausible.

Also I've only read the first Insubordination story, so I might be entirely wrong in thinking the second one is probably based on her negotiating situations that make sense because of these assumptions...?

This is such a thoughtful critique! You’ve raised some really valid points about the plausibility of the blackmail angle in a modern setting, especially with how society’s views on nudity and sexual assault have evolved. The tension between her sub tendencies and her ability to act in her own interest is intriguing, but you’re right, her actions could feel more aligned with her goals to strengthen the narrative. That said, not every story needs to be hyper-realistic, and the retro vibe might work for some readers. Great insights, thanks for sharing!

 

[Bacchaewiththegoodhair]

Welcome back to writing! It’s awesome that you’re diving into both novels and short stories to find your groove again. Congrats on the positive reception of your first series, that’s a great sign! For “Insubordination,” focusing on pacing and character depth can really elevate the tension and emotional impact. Keep pushing boundaries and refining your voice. Can’t wait to see where your writing journey takes you!

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement! I will take a closer look at pacing and think more about how I can develop the depth of the characters.

 

[Bacchaewiththegoodhair]

Sure, I'll give it a read. I'll follow you so I don't forget.

I'd be willing to do a read for read with my own works if you're so inclined. It's always helpful to have a gals perspective on my work. I've dabbled with non-con writing as well.

Sure! Send me a link and would be happy to take a look and give some feedback as well!

 

[Bacchaewiththegoodhair]

Okay, so two things. First, I really liked how you built the scene up. It was way too hot. I wasn't aroused at all when I started reading, I was just in editor mode. I didn't make it until the end... So thank you for that. It's too damn sexy.

Second, when he has an orgasm there's no description of his face, or his hands, or his body, or his voice and what he was like.

I think you need a bit more of a description and a moment and a pause in the passion to accept the climax. Because honestly, it feels like the story builds and builds and then climaxes with him, not with her. You're not stopping the passion when she orgasms, it's when he does and he leaves.

Also, I agree with all the points AngelaSaxon wrote. She makes it very clear. The conflict should be between Mia and Mia, internally. She should know she has the power to go to the police. Even if he blackmail's her it wouldn't really stick.

The conflict should come from how much she likes BDSM and how much she needs that. And she's never had it like this where it sticks with her, but in the best and worst way possible.

She has to remember him, and also deep down part of her likes how it went. She has to be conflicted about how much she enjoys the orgasms verses how badly he manhandles her. Before it was just games, she would contract with a dom and it was limited. She knew she was safe even with the pain. This is different. She's never had something this forbidden before, and it conflicts her so much. If she goes to the cops she knows he will be arrested. Sure she will maybe lose her job but she can find another. But she also is conflicted about it.

Otherwise she'd just report him to the police. So what if he took a video, so what if he shares it. It doesn't matter if she seems to enjoy it. She would know that she has total legal grounds on this guy.

Glad to hear it was so irresistible! haha, very high compliment, and I suppose the goal of this type of writing in general.

I appreciate you taking the time to read and give me your feedback. I hope you'll take a look at the second chapter. Based on the feedback I've gotten, I'm thinking it now may have been better to keep the two parts together. She's just coming down from being continuously raped and tormented for hours, she is hardly thinking clearly. In part 2, she has had time to mull things over, but I take things to kind of an extreme place in order to keep the "fun" going.

I have to disagree about the source of the conflict for her. Her physical responses to what is happening to her are not indicators that she has secretly always wanted this. I purposefully made her someone who participates in BDSM, because I wanted her to be a character who understood what was being done to her and why it made her feel the way she does. Nothing Jared does is outside of her realm of comfort except that it's being done without her consent. He's even using her own equipment! He isn't helping her discover anything about herself, he's forcing physical sensations on her that she has positive connotations with in the right context, but mentally, I tried to make it clear that she wasn't struggling with how she felt about the rape itself.

The note about describing him more is one I'll take into consideration. I usually write in the first person perspective, so it's helpful to see what I may be neglecting with this first foray into third person.

Thanks again for taking the time, if you decide to read anymore of my work, I'm always happy to hear feedback. I'll be posting my feedback on yours shortly.

 

[Bacchaewiththegoodhair]

Ah, I didn't mean the conflict of the pleasure. It's very clear in your writing that she's enjoying the pleasure. It's more that she's conflicted about the non-con part of it, and how that rubs up against her work and life. I think you did an excellent job expressing that in the next chapter's opening with her mindset.

Also, I think Jared wouldn't just hand her over to the whole office just yet. To me he seems like the sort who would keep her for himself for a while, and drag it out in chapter two. Or maybe bring one or two people in later that day or week for chapter two. Then progress to more with chapter three. He would always be pressing the boundaries, and making it clear that she is his. He wouldn't give her away to everyone at the office. He seems like the sort who would sell access to her.

Now I know you're going to say I should read chapter two, I did. I understand the direction you chose to go, you just wanted to do all of it and get it all out of your system. I hope it helped you get that sorted. But to me, it seems like there is a bit of rushed pacing.

The thing that makes something so tantalizing is the pause. It's moment where you wonder what I'm doing before I turn around and do it. Then I drag the moment out and let it simmer and settle.

It's this sort of push pull interplay that really really gets people hooked. If you go full full domination like that on most gals, they will break. I've seen it happen, a lot. Even when they like it a lot. (Note: this is talking about heavy bdsm degradation online like you wrote, and much less heavily in person, and certainly not rape.)

There's room for a build up and a dance, even within the non-con. That's what made your opening on the first chapter so hot. They didn't even hardly get to touching each other and you could feel the sparks sizzling.

Do more of that; it's rare to find.

I also don't think she's conflicted about the noncon part. She knows that she did not want it to happen, she is more concerned about the appearances. I didn't write it to come off like she was maybe trying to fool herself into thinking that it was about appearances when it's really about her inner feelings about the act itself. So if it comes off that way, perhaps it's something I need to take a look at.

There was a time when I thought it would mainly be about the dynamic between the two of them, but I ultimately decided that Jared's motivation is not based on his sexual desire for Mia, but his desire to punish her for disrupting the "natural order of things." And he does this by turning her dream job into a literal nightmare for her. The end goal is not for her to ultimately embrace this side of her and give in. As you mentioned, something to this degree will break a person, but that is the point. It was definitely a risk, and I'm still mulling over where I'll take it from here.

Thanks for reading on. I'm working on a larger novel that I won't be publishing here, and I think your insight about the pause and building the tension will be helpful there. I appreciate it!

 

[AngelaSaxon]

I also don't think she's conflicted about the noncon part. She knows that she did not want it to happen, she is more concerned about the appearances. I didn't write it to come off like she was maybe trying to fool herself into thinking that it was about appearances when it's really about her inner feelings about the act itself. So if it comes off that way, perhaps it's something I need to take a look at.

There was a time when I thought it would mainly be about the dynamic between the two of them, but I ultimately decided that Jared's motivation is not based on his sexual desire for Mia, but his desire to punish her for disrupting the "natural order of things." And he does this by turning her dream job into a literal nightmare for her. The end goal is not for her to ultimately embrace this side of her and give in. As you mentioned, something to this degree will break a person, but that is the point. It was definitely a risk, and I'm still mulling over where I'll take it from here.

Thanks for reading on. I'm working on a larger novel that I won't be publishing here, and I think your insight about the pause and building the tension will be helpful there. I appreciate it!

I think the dynamic did come across as you describe, her preferences for consensual BDSM wasn't confused with any desire for what is being violently imposed upon her, bodily response notwithstanding.

The one thing that seemed to make this a bit blurry was that in the second chapter when that gang grabs her in the office, we don't really get any explanation for why, after a decidedly non-erotic series of stressful experiences and reflections, she's suddenly in the middle of the soaking-wet-being-held-up-to-prove-desire-and-implicit-permission trope.

Not that the text appears to simply vindicate the conventional interpretation people put on her lubricated vagina, but still it's very sudden and seems like she also acknowledges that she's not just wet but 'soaked', with everything that is usually taken to imply, which is to say it feels familiar certainly, a narrative path often chosen, but not particularly well justified here, in part because I think you did effectively pose her conflicts in the terms you articulated?

And I think posing the conflict in that way might not scratch the exact erotic itch that some people have, investing in a particular set of ideas about the erotics of domination and submission beyond consensual, even contractual BDSM roleplay, safe words and all. But I think it can be both closer to actual conflicts people can imagine without having those particular erotic investments, while not being so realistic as to make reading the story necessarily a harrowing nightmare.

In a different thread I recently quoted Kristina Busse addressing questions of realism and noncon fiction in relation to its prevalence in fanfic, in her 2017 book, Framing Fan Fiction: Literary And Social Practices In Fan Fiction Communities:

Rape and noncon are a popular theme in fan fiction, at times part of a hurt/comfort scenario but often as a sexual fantasy in its own right. While there are occasional demands among some fans to prohibit or censor rape and noncon entirely, most fans seem to agree on not only the option to depict sexual violence but also the choice to read and write rape as a form of textual kink. What is important here is that the defense is not one that relies on a realist argument, as literary contexts tend to use it—that is, sexual violence is a part of our society and thus should not be a taboo topic in fiction.

Instead, the defense is indeed for actual rape fantasies and the eroticization of fictional rape. The argument is one of antirealism, where the appeal is directly dependent on the transgression of shared community norms and the eroticization of sexual acts that are clearly only acceptable within a fictional space. In other words, the very reason rape fiction can be eroticized safely within fan fiction spaces is that everyone agrees that rape and sexual violence are truly despicable crimes in need of punishment.