Looking For Positive, Honest Feedback For A Non Erotic Series/Book

[Into_The_Rabbit_Hole]

What started as a short series has developed into a book in writing. As of right now I have seven chapters of approximately fifteen I'm going to write. I have the first five chapters posted here on Literotica. The first chapter has some grammar issues as the rest of them do as well. I currently have an editor who is going over these rough drafts. I would LOVE to get some positive feedback and thoughts on my series. I'm 24 with no college experience and no writing classes/English classes in my repertoire. I'm just trying to touch the lives of those who will read my book. Thank you in advance.


Zoe Parker: Chapter 1
The Alpha

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=435280

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

First, a pet peeve. You have to understand about readability. Large blocks of text here on Lit are hard to read and will get you a lot of back clicks. Take a look at how it appears to the readers...


http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l27/Jenny_Jackson/ScreenShot355.jpg

Keep your paragraphs to about 8 screen lines. It's lots easier on the eyes and will get you a lot more reads (not views) and votes.

Overall this is a single scene, not a story. There is a middle and an ending, but what is this story about? Each chapter, especially the first one, should stand alone as a story. If you include a scene as a chapter later on, it's not so flawed.

I am glad you didn't try to describe Zoe or her mother. That's an error that most new writers make. And you made a couple of grammatic errors such as capitalizing the word "she" after the quote in the first sentence. Small thing.

Finally, Zoe seems to have nothing but self pity and none for her mother. Does she try and help? Is there a confrontation? Where is the tension between them? This is Pathos not drama.

It could have been better.

 

[driphoney]

What started as a short series has developed into a book in writing. As of right now I have seven chapters of approximately fifteen I'm going to write. I have the first five chapters posted here on Literotica. The first chapter has some grammar issues as the rest of them do as well. I currently have an editor who is going over these rough drafts. I would LOVE to get some positive feedback and thoughts on my series. I'm 24 with no college experience and no writing classes/English classes in my repertoire. I'm just trying to touch the lives of those who will read my book. Thank you in advance.

You put the word "positive" in both the thread header and in your inquiry. I'm an insecure beginner writer myself, so before I send it off to my editor (and believe me, I sweat bullets at first and had a tummy ache, then I was afraid to open the return email. What a baby!) . . . Anyway, I digress, where was I ... oh yeah, before I send my chapters off, I have two kind romance lovin' friends (who keep my naughty secret to themselves!) read it for their opinion. For some reason, this really helps before the I get worked over by other less biased readers. As for posting it here for "positive" feedback, well, that's asking a lot.

Perhaps what you really meant to ask for was honest feedback. Of that, you can be assured you will get! The really great thing is that there are so many people here with so many different ways of looking at things.

Good luck on your writing.

 

[sr71plt]

Maybe constructive is the better comment to ask for.

 

[driphoney]

Maybe constructive is the better comment to ask for.

Yeah! That's what I meant! Much better word choice than 'honest'!

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Sorry, I can't be honest so it must be constructive.

 

[driphoney]

Sorry, I can't be honest so it must be constructive.

Could have sworn I saw hints of both going on there!