looking for input on unknown narrator

[rikimaru4]

Hi All,

I've been turning this around in my head about 100 different ways and I would like to get some input from more talented and capable minds than my own.

Without giving too much away, the basic premise is about a character who doesn't know she is and begins the story in a body that's not her own. As the story progresses, she ends up in someone else's body, a la Steve Trevor in the god awful Wonder Woman 1984 film.

At the onset, it's not immediately clear to the reader (or at least that's my intent) that she doesn't know her own identity, only that she's confused by how she arrived in these circumstances. I also don't want to immediately highlight the fact that she is unnamed, in the style of 'The Road' or any other unnamed protagonist literature.

So, how do I address the character? Right now, I am simply using 'she' and 'her' and it works for the most part, except when other women are in the scene at which point things can get confusing and unclear. I don't want to use the assumed body's name as she is not really this person. I thought about putting the assumed person's name in quotes but that again I feel is too underscoring and unsubtle for my intentions. I also have avoided using 'The woman' because a major plot point is that the protagonist ends up to not be human at all. I vacillate on whether that's cheating or splitting hairs and sacrificing clarity for a technicality's sake.

And then finally, I think during the course of events she will begin to use an assumed name, and eventually discovers her real name. Looking for pointers on how to make those transitions.

One idea I've had was simply to break the story into parts, named the 'The Woman', '[Assumed name]', '[Real Name]', but again, I feel like this is needlessly calling attention to what's meant to be gradually introduced through exposition.

I'll appreciate any and all feedback, thank you!!

 

[AlinaX]

I remember reading a Desmond Bagley novel where the MC wakes up confused and with a surgically altered face... The Tightrope Men.

I imagine your story would be easier in first person. The narrator's name is non-essential, and if the changes aren't so obvious as a huge pair o' tits, they may go unnoticed for a while.

 

[NotWise]

Instead of depending entirely on "she" and "her," you can give her a title of sorts -- something like "the blonde," for instance.

 

[B_Couric]

Instead of depending entirely on "she" and "her," you can give her a title of sorts -- something like "the blonde," for instance.

Exactly. Work a nickname in early on. Maybe somebody calls her Boat McBoatface early on and there you go. You all know what I mean. Maybe she has a "who am I" scene and feels like "The Prisoner" or "The Renter" or "Boarder". She looks in the mirror and and feels like "The Doppleganger".

She studied her reflection, shocked to see she was as big as Aunt Suzie (but I don't have an Aunt Suzie), memories as a child of the spectacle of her oversized beach-ball body at the KOA, waddling into the pond in her yellow one piece.

"Oh my God. I'm as big as the Hindenburg."

Hindenburg walked out of the room, the floorboards flexing and squeaking.....

 

[SimonDoom]

I like AlinaX's suggestion -- tell the story in first person POV. It makes perfect sense with your premise, and you avoid all the weird difficulties of having a third person narrator that inexplicably cannot identify the main character.

Another reason to tell it in 1st person: more suspense. If you tell it in 3d person, the reader will catch on immediately that there's something weird going on, but if you tell it in first person you can let the central premise/problem unfold more slowly, because the narrator will refer to herself as "I" and that will seem perfectly normal.

 

[Hypoxia]

Can your write this from a first person [unknown] POV or must it be third person [limited or omniscient]? First person is, well, more personal, and opens opportunities to discover who or what she is or was. Then it's a detective story as she extends her observations and assembles clues. The discovery could lead to comedy, or tragedy, and/or a few hot fuckfests.

But does she really WANT to know her past or present identity(s)? Suppose she is incurious until some realization drops onto her, ton-of-bricks style. Consider -- how often in daily life do you refer to yourself by name? Aren't you usually just 'me'?

 

[SamScribble]

Aren't you usually just 'me'?

I have never knowingly been just Hypoxia in my entire life. Although if I was, it might make me a better guitarist.

 

[Bray123]

I had a play last year with an un-named character who didn't really know what was happening

(Shameless plug https://www.literotica.com/s/marigolds-martinis-and-musk )

I did it from the pov of a person reading a letter written by that character, which seemed to gain approval from readers.

 

[rikimaru4]

I remember reading a Desmond Bagley novel where the MC wakes up confused and with a surgically altered face... The Tightrope Men.

I imagine your story would be easier in first person. The narrator's name is non-essential, and if the changes aren't so obvious as a huge pair o' tits, they may go unnoticed for a while.

I like AlinaX's suggestion -- tell the story in first person POV. It makes perfect sense with your premise, and you avoid all the weird difficulties of having a third person narrator that inexplicably cannot identify the main character.

Another reason to tell it in 1st person: more suspense. If you tell it in 3d person, the reader will catch on immediately that there's something weird going on, but if you tell it in first person you can let the central premise/problem unfold more slowly, because the narrator will refer to herself as "I" and that will seem perfectly normal.

Can your write this from a first person [unknown] POV or must it be third person [limited or omniscient]? First person is, well, more personal, and opens opportunities to discover who or what she is or was. Then it's a detective story as she extends her observations and assembles clues. The discovery could lead to comedy, or tragedy, and/or a few hot fuckfests.

But does she really WANT to know her past or present identity(s)? Suppose she is incurious until some realization drops onto her, ton-of-bricks style. Consider -- how often in daily life do you refer to yourself by name? Aren't you usually just 'me'?

I hate this suggestion. Because it's so totally the obvious elegant solution. And because I just have this hangup about writing or really even reading first person stories. If Harry Potter had been written in first person, I'm very sure I'd have enjoyed it less. If Hunger Games had been written in third person, I *think* I may have enjoyed it more.

Ugh this is painful. I was writing from 3rd limited, and in some ways I had my heart set on it. I'm going to reserve first person as my nuclear option.

Does anyone have an opinion re: my "the woman" parley?

 

[rikimaru4]

Instead of depending entirely on "she" and "her," you can give her a title of sorts -- something like "the blonde," for instance.

Exactly. Work a nickname in early on. Maybe somebody calls her Boat McBoatface early on and there you go. You all know what I mean. Maybe she has a "who am I" scene and feels like "The Prisoner" or "The Renter" or "Boarder". She looks in the mirror and and feels like "The Doppleganger".

She studied her reflection, shocked to see she was as big as Aunt Suzie (but I don't have an Aunt Suzie), memories as a child of the spectacle of her oversized beach-ball body at the KOA, waddling into the pond in her yellow one piece.

"Oh my God. I'm as big as the Hindenburg."

Hindenburg walked out of the room, the floorboards flexing and squeaking.....

I will do a little experimenting with this. I know it would work very well if the protagonist was statically within one foreign body, but i'm not sure about the clarity when she jumps into someone else and then has some new moniker.

It also kind of goes against the core premise that who she is on the outside is not reflective of her true identity.

 

[NotWise]

It also kind of goes against the core premise that who she is on the outside is not reflective of her true identity.

The title or nickname wouldn't have to refer to appearance. It could refer to behavior; "The dreamer," might be an example.

 

[SimonDoom]

If you don't like first person POV then by all means don't use it. I think what you are trying to do is challenging but that's no reason not to try it. Good luck!

 

[NotWise]

Would it help to have an example? Her Dream House doesn't do exactly what you're asking about, but it probably contains some the right elements.

Writing a story with anonymous characters was one of the challenges I posed for myself.

It's told in first person by the unnamed male character. There's a lot of "she" and "her" in his narrative about the unnamed female character. That monotony is broken a bit when she starts relating her own story in dialogue.

 

[AlinaX]

I suspect I overuse the unnamed narrator thing. One recent story, I avoided naming any of the characters, referring instead to the priest, the baker, etc.

Doing it from 3rd person perspective is tricky, though. You need to go omniscient, which distances you from the character(s). The young woman awakes, her brow crinkled with obvious confusion as she surveys the room through a curtain of blonde hair. Or you could swap between POVs, which is often interesting.