looking for input on my first incest story

[madam_noe]

Lust in the City of the Dead is my first attempt at an incest story. Yes it's in the Halloween Contest, no I am not trolling for votes. No need to vote on it.

It's 2 pages, 4,000ish words. I'd really like some honest feedback on it. It's currently scored at 4.41 and my average story score is 4.70 (averaged across 170 stories). It's not a huge difference, but this is much lower than usual.

So far all the comment have been positive, so i'm in search of some good, honest criticism on what I could do to improve my incest writing. Thanks in advance for your help!

 

[Exquisition]

Hi Madam,

Love the historical knowledge but as an avid incest fantasist I might say it lacks one thing that really gets me going - the 'breaking down the barriers and social mores' aspect. I can't speak for other devotees of the forbidden fruit - but the nub of this genre for me is that it is verbotten, interdit - yup forbidden.

Your story, though well-written (and I can see you have a natural talent without in anyway meaning to be patronising), lacks that desperately needed essential.

You can have a read of my first story offering if you have a mind to. I pay quite a bit of care and attention to the 'this shouldn't be happening' side of the scenario despite the fact the brother and sister have already given in to their lust right from the beginning of the story.

Picking ancient Egypt for the context of their coming together (pun intended) is also a no-no since it was accepted, nay, expected in terms of purity of bloodline. So it's not forbidden at all.

My personal preference is to have one of the siblings (in the case of bro/sis incest) play along but with some degree of reluctance which serves to accentuate the deliciously taboo even further.

Hope that helps. And, with your capabilities, I look forward to an erotically charged passion of forbidden lust.

 

[Exquisition]

Typo

Erotically charged *tale* of forbidden lust.

 

[DPheonix]

I'll offer my opinion for whatever its worth. I see three things that you are missing.

First, I agree with Exquisition in that you glossed over the forbidden nature of the act. Second, there really wasn't much in the way of how they would overcome the obstacles that their relationship would cause or even if they felt that continuing their relationship was worth doing so. Lastly, You also missed out on doing much to emphasize that they are in fact brother and sister. Its fine to say they are brother and sister but it adds just a little bit when their shared past is referenced.

Right now you have a good quick story of two people who love each other getting together who just happen to be related. What you are looking for is a good story of a brother and sister who realize they can love each other and do so despite what everyone else might say.

 

[lovecraft68]

Not to hop on the band wagon, but I agree with the others.

I am not a fan of stroke incest "sis looked hot, so why not"

I enjoy the emotional taboo as well as the actual crossing the line into sex.

For me the turn on of loving a person that you are forbidden to is as hot as any sex.

That wasn't here. Otherwise, well written and a good scenario.

 

[madam_noe]

Thanks everyone.

I'm thinking this means I shouldn't write incest. I understand the whole forbidden thing, but as a reader I do prefer the stories where they don't constantly think on how forbidden it is, just a few times here of there.

Since in real life I'm pretty disgusted by incest (fun to read about in a fictional world, however) every time in my story in the few scant places I did have the sister think on how wrong it was (since it was from her POV I didn't include his thoughts) I cringed.

I may try to work on it but it seems to me that if what's missing is the one thing I dislike writing, probably not my genre. Thanks for your help!

 

[Exquisition]

Glad it was of some service, Madam Noe. And, so right to do what YOU'RE comfortable with. Firmly believe, that the quality shines through when you enoy what you're writing....

Good luck.