Looking for input from ladies

[senVi]

I don't post often, but I've lurked for a long time and always found this community to be fairly helpful. So with that in mind I come to the ladies of lit with a somewhat awkward and possibly odd question.

Me and my gf have been together for quite some time now and known eachother for a few years more then that, recently things have gotten quite serious between us and we have been getting more and more intimate. My girlfriend is a virgin, and while I'm not I have never been with a virgin before. I've always heard that for a girl losing your virginity is usually at the very least painful if not completely unpleasant.

I'd like to know if anyone has any suggestions on what I might do to help make her first time not just special but also enjoyable, from time to time I've talked to my female friends about first times and several of them have talked about it being regrettable. I'd like to do what I can to make sure it isn't the same for my better half.

Obviously things like going slow, setting a good mood, helping her relax will help but beyond that I've wondered, when the time comes if perhaps using certain condoms or good lube among other things might help (to an extent at least, I know theres only so much I can do). Any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

[infinity706]

It has nothing to do with the technicality of losing her virginity. The real issue is sexual skill and whether things other than a penis have been inside of her. Assuming she uses a dildo, hairbrush handle, or anything similar inside her vagina regularly, she would be no physically different than an non-virgin. If that's the case, all you need to do is give her plenty of time to get excited and well lubricated. If she doesn't produce enough on her own, though, then you'd need some artificial lubricant.

 

[glynndah]

The regrets those women mention may have a lot more to do with the emotions and circumstances involved rather than the mechanics of losing one's virginity.

 

[GrrlFriday]

It's difficult to advise you without knowing what you and she have dabbled in beforehand. Talk to her about it first - have a few times where you just muck about, where sex won't happen, but she's really comfortable with your naked body and her naked body, what your penis does, what you're like when you're really horny, what she's like when she's really horny... Make sure she's comfortable, that you're comfortable, that the mind/heart/body are all there and all happy - that's really the golden rule here.

IMNSHO, if a woman is really truly aroused, she will feel the need for something inside her. See if you can get her to that point... by eating her out, fingering her, or just having her grinding her pussy against your body.

I feel like I mention this site too much, but have a read of this guide to losing virginity, I think you'll find it helpful: http://the-clitoris.com/f_html/female_virginity_1.htm

Best of luck - that you're asking and wanting to make things comfy for your partner is a fantastic start.

 

[Eilan]

The regrets those women mention may have a lot more to do with the emotions and circumstances involved rather than the mechanics of losing one's virginity.

My thoughts exactly.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Tryharder62]

My suggestion is for that one night to make her the focus. My first experience took about 3 seconds and I really didn't know what happened. Make sure you have privacy for her. I have heard that it is better when you are first in her not to move right away. Let her get use to you. Maybe someone else can say if that is true or not.

Really you show your care about her here. To some woman though to give their virginity to a man is emotionally serious. Is that where you want the relationship to go. Just be honest with her! That is where the regrets come in when there is no honesty.

 

[NaturistLouise]

My first time, even though I wanted sex, I was scared of getting pregnant and due to my upbringing, I had this guilt about the sins of premarital sex. The second time, I was ready on all levels and enjoyed it. The thidr time, I was total relaxed and had a great orgasm.

My experiences echos the other people here. Ensure that you both are ready emotionally, sexually and in a relaxing situation.

Looking forward to hearing all about it.

 

[SweetErika]

1) Make sure you're both on board the Birth Control and STI Protection Train. This would be a good time for her to visit her gynecologist, family doctor or even for both of you to visit a family planning/women's health clinic to discuss which methods will be right for you and how to use them properly. If she hasn't had the HPV vaccine, she may want to get it. Even if you've been tested for STIs since your last sexual encounter, you could still give her HPV if you have it (men aren't tested for it). So, make sure you both know how to use condoms properly AND use another effective form of birth control so pregnancy isn't something either of you are tense about.

If you're not comfortable with condoms and/or you find you have erectile or sensation issues with them, you can practice masturbating with them now. For sensation, adding just a couple of drops of lube in the very tip of the condom before pinching it at the proper place "above" the tip and rolling it on can help greatly.

2) Read up on anatomy, foreplay and sex. There are some great ideas on these topics in The Blank Manual sticky
. Just aim to gather some ideas to try, from relaxing and sensual massage to oral techniques.

3) Have polyurethane (non-latex) condoms and some silicone lube on hand. You gf may or may not have an issue with latex condoms, but your first time having sex probably isn't a good one to find out if she does have a latex sensitivity/allergy. If you opt for latex condoms, make sure you simply get plain ones that are NOT lubricated with spermicide. No ribbed, studded, numbing, "warming" or other "sensation" products, which can be very irritating to some people. For lube, plain silicone is more expensive up-front, but a tiny bit goes a long way, it doesn't dry out or have ingredients that could be irritating to our sensitive tissues.

4) Practice your foreplay techniques and communication every encounter leading up to sex! Try different things, ask her to show and tell you what she likes and doesn't enjoy. Likewise, model good communication on your part. Compliment her as a whole person genuinely, in addition to showing her how much you enjoy her body physically. By the time you two have sex, being pros at arousing each other and giving each other plenty of constructive feedback. Just work on making her feel fantastic and communicating with her, without suggesting in the least that orgasming is any kind of goal.

5) When you two are ready to try intercourse, consider some things that may be mood-enhancers like music and/or candlelight, maybe take a relaxing bath or shower together to start, take your time and watch/listen to her cues. Use your mouth and hands liberally until you're positive she's ready to attempt sex (there's nothing wrong with asking her to let you know if she feels ready physically AND emotionally), then let that attempt happen naturally. Maybe aim for at least an hour of good foreplay/stimulation prior to even attempting intercourse, and use your fingers (one to start, then work from there) during that time (but after she's sufficiently relaxed and aroused) until she feels positively relaxed and comfortable.

Continue with the relaxation, exploration, genuine compliments and communication before, during and after. Go SLOW and ask her to tell you if she'd like to slow down or stop at any point.

IF she's comfortable with it, consider having her on top so she can control the pace and depth of penetration. If she's not comfy with being on top, a position that lends itself to a slower pace and gives you access to her erogenous zones so you can continue stimulating her in other ways might be good for both of you. Positions are something you could start trying now, just minus the penile penetration and ejaculation near her vulva.

And obviously make damn sure you have the condom on properly and lubed (yes, even if she's dripping wet) before your cock gets anywhere near her vulva!

6) Don't forget to care for her after sex. Go off of her cues, but plenty of cuddling, kind words, getting her a water/drink (and maybe even a snack if her blood sugar might be low) while she's peeing after (very important to prevent urinary tract infections!), and calling her when she gets home/the next day to let her know how great it was and how much you care for her can make all the difference.

FWIW, these are a lot of the steps my first partner and I took my first time, and I found the sex to be very enjoyable. Nerves made it slightly uncomfortable, but because I was incredibly familiar with my body, did not have a hymen to contend with (masturbation, tampon use and sports for years before sex took care of that), there was plenty of foreplay, communication, caring and we used condoms plus the Pill, sex was good. You and you gf should be just fine if you take some simple--but important--steps.

 

[senVi]

Thank you all for the responses, it's been very helpful and I really appreciate it.