looking for feedback

[Hubs_in_hose]

I am undertaking my most complex piece of erotic literature with the first part of my latest submission "A New Mind". I have already submitted chapters one and two. They are available here:
Chapter One
Chapter Two

The chapters are not very long. What I am concerned about is my use of multiple perspectives to tell the story. The main character is telling his part in the first person (I did blah) and the perspectives of other characters when the main character is unable to tell the story is in third person. The story is writing itself. I have the main arc, several sub arcs, with a handful of intersecting tangents. There is a journey and destination so I am not too worried about actual story feedback. I would like to know if I am crossing from one character to the next in a manner that is easy to follow and does not distract from the story.

I want to make this an entertaining story and would greatly appreciate your feedback so I can make the necessary changes before I submit the next few chapters.

Thank you
Hubs_in_Hose

 

[sr71plt]

The flipping in perspective is OK. You keep it separated in sections. The flipping back and forth between present and past tense, often within paragraphs, is a lot less OK, I think.

 

[Hubs_in_hose]

that is a bad habit of mine. Thank you for pointing it out. I need to do a better job at catching that

 

[bookcal]

looks good

 

[Hubs_in_hose]

thanks for feedback

 

[sr71plt]

I think both of the previous posts were irrelevant spam.

 

[Hubs_in_hose]

oh, thanks for the heads up.

 

[Hubs_in_hose]

Chapter Three has been posted