looking for feedback

[SubmissAngel919]

Hello Everyone,
I have posted 4 stories to Lit., and personally feel they have improved with each one. I would just like to see if any of the more experienced writers here might want to take a look at the my latest and perhaps suggest where I have room for improvement? Would appreciate any/all feedback. Thanks so much! Happy reading/writing!
Submissangel919

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=82197

 

[dr_mabeuse]

You write very, very well, and I was enjoying the story immensely. It got too funky for me though, sorry.

---dr.M.

 

[Chicklet]

unlike the good dr, i was not turned off by the funkiness of your story. I loved it! my problem was that it ended too soon.

no blatant errors to point out, no tense changes that i could see or gramatical boo-boo's that can tear a reader away from the story. honestly not a *fantastic* peice, but one that will keep me with my eyes open for more peices by you = )

also...i like this one more than i like others by you because i don't like the 2nd person you tend to use. i liked the 1st person = ) i hope you use it more often.

Chicklet

 

[SubmissAngel919]

Thanks

Thank you both for taking the time to read my story. i appreciate your imput.
Obviously everyone has different tastes and what works for one won't for another
i've only recently discovered the boards, so hopefully will be participating more frequently now.

Chicklet- i think i definitely ended the story too soon. i got in a hurry to get it posted, but was thinking about adding a Part 2. Of course, after reading Killermuffin's rant with the piece about Ch.'s in it, i will be careful about this in the future

 

[Chicklet]

Re: Thanks

Chicklet- i think i definitely ended the story too soon. i got in a hurry to get it posted, but was thinking about adding a Part 2. Of course, after reading Killermuffin's rant with the piece about Ch.'s in it, i will be careful about this in the future

psst - not everyone minds chapters = )

i understand the impatience and excitement in getting a story up. also, if you want to keep it as one part, you can always re-submit it as the full story. will look for your work in the future for sure = )

Chicklet