Looking for feedback on my first story here

[MoscowCalling1986]

So, I decided to jump into the community headlong with my story:

https://literotica.com/s/the-pillar

I'm looking for your feedback - what did you like, what did you dislike, what would you change. Did you enjoy it at all, or was it so bad you didn't even finish?

Fire away and have fun!

 

[ElectricBlue]

A quick little romp. I googled Hayley Atwell as I'd never heard of her - the downside of celebrity fiction - the upside is, she's an attractive woman. But there's the thing, I don't quite see what she or Eddie have done to be the named characters in a little smut story - what did they do to deserve that?

This is just me, and why celeb fan-fic does nothing for me, but why don't you just write your own characters, not depend on somebody else (actors and actresses) doing the background work for you?

You can write - this little stroker rollocks along in a bawdy, fun kind of way, but it's ultimately shallow, because if a reader doesn't have any kind of a back-story by not knowing the celebs, there's no flesh on their bones. Big tits, but no flesh. Maybe next time you could use your writing ability to flesh out the characters using your own words, and don't rely on a celebrity photograph. As it is, I've gone away from this with an image of Hayley Atwell in my head, but I don't remember your story much. As a writer, you don't really want that.

There are the mandatory typos to pay attention to and get rid of, and a few dodgy sentence constructions, but nothing that gets in the way. But yeah, next time, do the character development yourself, don't be lazy. Me, I'll just go find some more pics of Ms Atwell .

 

[MoscowCalling1986]

Thank you for being honest.

Typos and sentence structure issues are most likely due to the fact I'm not a native English speaker (I'm from Poland). While I use English a lot day to day, I guess those problems are something that may crop up from time to time (which, in the case of this story, probably isn't helped by the fact I didn't have anyone proofread/beta-read it for me).

As for the other part - I'm actually glad you said it, because this was what I was trying to go for - a quick little romp with no big consqeuences behind it. I think the proper way to describe it would be "Porn What Plot". I can understand why you would feel it to be shallow and substanceless - but I guess it was partly by design.

Again, many thanks for taking your time to leave your 2 sincere cents in.

Many happy returns.