Looking for feedback on fantasy story

[hankstr]

Just posted my second fantasy story:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=483767

Nubile young nymphs were taken captive by pirates in the first story. Now, after a long journey by sea they face unknown horrors in the arena before a lust crazed crowd and their narcissistic king.

I tried like hell to get an illustrated version of this second story posted but could not ever get it past 'pending' state. Still not sure what went amiss. Oh well. I still have the illustrations if there is any interest and a place to post them!

Hankstr

 

[hankstr]

captive nymphs of Eros

Here are two of the nymphs (as the pirate boats come ashore):

 

[Litbridge]

Fantasy story...

Brilliant! I don't know how it could be improved. Sorry I can't be more helpful as a critic.

 

[hankstr]

Thanks!! Of course, I can improve a lot but it sure helps to have some nice feedback.

 

[Utley]

Overall two good stories but I do have some criticism, hopefully constructive.

The characters are a bit shallow. Spend some time developing them so your readers can identify with them and they become more real.

The men in the story fight naked with their dicks exposed. Why wouldn’t the women attack them there where they are most vulnerable?

Why would the king waist very good sex slaves fighting disfigured ogres? They would soon be despoiled and his investment lost. Perhaps just one or two picked to fight for the bunch would make more sense.

Hopefully you can see some value in my suggestions.