Looking for feedback and advice from authors

[sharkandpen]

Hi, I am looking for feedback on one of my in-progress chapter stories, but also have some general questions regarding votes/views/ect

I tend to put stories in the Romance category by default but wonder if this is really limiting the number of views I get. Has anyone had better luck with Erotic Couples over Romance?

With regards to the specific story, it is called Used and I just put up Chapter 04. I took a huge break from two of my in progress works and as a result i think I've lost my way or my muse or something. I would appreciate any direction given. Used Ch 05 was submitted yesterday and should be up soon, but used Ch 04 is already up.


Here is a link to my member page listing all the stories:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=746815&page=submissions

And this is a link to Used Ch 04:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=499823

(I don't have a link to Ch 05 yet, it's pending)

Also, if after reading you feel like there are other authors stories I could be reading to better hone my skills, I would love to have some options. There are a lot of stories to sort through and if anyone knows of any that are similar to mine (or not similar) that would be good pieces to review let me know.

My member name is sharkandpen.

Thanks,

Penny

 

[CWatson]

Okay, first feedback: asking for feedback on Chapter 4 only is like asking for feedback on half a word. You can't start in the middle. So it's gonna be a little while before I can provide you with anything more substantial, 'cuz I gotta read the whole damn story.

As to your category question: yes, posting in Romance will limit your exposure. Romance is an interesting category: well-fed, but not well-populated. Having said that, were you to post to Erotic Couplings, you'd get a lot more complaints. When people go to EC they want stroke pure and simple. "What the hell's all this shit? Why are you mucking up my sex with boring things like plot and characters? Get this shit out of here and over to Romance where it belongs!"

...Okay, that might be an exaggeration. But it also might not.

Seriously, though, categories are a careful thing. If you give people something they actively don't want, they will bitch the hell out of you, even if the not-wanted thing is a quality offering with value in its own right. To most people, a sex story is just something they jerk off to. That's all they care about, and anything that gets in the way of that goal is unnecessary fluff to them.

Long story short, I think you're posting in the right category. Yes, a smaller number of people read Romance, because the proportion of Literotica readers who want a real story is pretty low compared to the whole. But if you post to Romance, you'll at least reach those people. It's about demographics, not numbers.

Now to get back to reading... ^_^

 

[CWatson]

There are some misspellings scattered around the story; you also have incorrect tense changes. Be careful about those in particular, they really snap The Reader out of the story. And they're needless errors. You're better than that.

The main issue I'm seeing, though, in terms of impacting your readership, is that this isn't a "romance" novel in the traditional sense. The Reader expects a certain minimum of positive affect from a "romance" novel, but instead we have this persistent edge of tension and rage, like any given character is about to fly off the handle and murder everybody else with an axe. Esme is lonely and desperate, Ben is just a jerk, Barry is... I don't even know what. I'm reminded of the line from Shortpacked!: "For your information, Mike and I pound each other every night in the most epic of hatefucks." Somewhere in there he gets chemistry with Esme, but I have no idea how. And of course we have Audrey, whom (as of chapter 4) you haven't much characterized, but you know what they say: Beware The Nice Ones.

Anyway, The Reader keeps waiting for you to dwell on some genuine spark of attraction or feeling of happiness or satisfaction, and you keep, you know, not doing that. That's a valid artistic choice, to be sure... but in the Romance category, it might not be a smart one. I think you might've done better in Novels & Novellas, where things like this are more expected.

I'm not sure what else to say; your original post was a tad vague. If you have further or follow-up questions, feel free to ask them so that we can answer.

 

[sharkandpen]

thanks

My post was vague but you provided excellent commentary. I do know it's time to go back through and change glaring errors (spelling/tense), I just find I know each sentence so well that I know what I meant to write and so miss errors that should be easy to catch.

Thanks much for your feedback, I haven't read anything in novels or novellas so I wasn't sure what that section was about, so I'll do some reading in that section and consider moving the story over when I submit my edits (I think I'll have to break down and contact one of the volunteer editors)

I also appreciate your comments on the characterization, and agree completely that Esme is desperate/lonely, and in essence she is a rather frustrating and weak-willed character, because she is very young and naive while trying to be cold and tough (though failing miserably).

Thanks for taking the time to read and provide comments, it's much appreciated.

 

[Guest]

I enjoyed the first chapter

delete

 

[VanLuke]

Romance - Candlelight, wine, and a soft kiss.

Erotic Couplings - Wild one-on-one consensual sex.

I've only read the first chapter but I think its obvious which category it belongs in based on the descriptions, from the crazy back-to-back casual sex Esme has within a 24 hour period.

Esme is a really interesting character and I plan on eventually continuing with the other chapters. She's a user, with self esteem issues who in turn enjoys being used. But you made her more than that, which makes her realistic, with conflicting emotions and desires.

I liked her superficial response to the other woman, asking "are her teeth whiter than mine?" It was amusing coming from a character who's full of deep and complicated substance.

There are some errors in the prose, some of which I'm constantly found guilty of myself so it really glared out. Repetition:

When his mouth moved to her neck she moved her own hands down to his jeans. Fingers fumbling, she managed to unfasten his belt. Next to go were the button and the fly of his jeans.

She was on her way home from dinner with her friend Fiona when she decided that there was no time like the present, decided to call Ben and try her luck at another reunion.

Plus the second instance of decided breaks the flow of the sentence.

Some verb tense confusion. Not a ton of it, but enough to notice.

Good read.

 

[sharkandpen]

I really enjoyed your first chapter of Used. I was a bit uncertain though as to how the Esme who starts the chapter becomes the transformed vixen at the end of the chapter. In the beginning, she seems to be somewhat innocent and vulnerable. She knows that she is about to initiate a liaison that will end with her being hurt. There is history in the relationship, and she is willing to go through with the inevitable pain just for one night of pleasure. In the end, she becomes the user. I loved the quartet line; "Ben hurts Audrey, Barry hurts Ben, and Esme gets fucked twice." There is just something so sinister and calculating about the line. As a reader, I want to know more. How did she get there? You have lots of areas in the story, including the sex, where this could be more completely revealed.

Other than the comments related to stylistic issues, I like the way you develop suspense in the plot. Each of the elements blend well to the next and add complication to the overall theme. Barry's entrance is a complete surprise and the sex scene that follows is both interesting and well developed. As I was reading the story, I couldn't help but feel that this was a mutual non consent scene. Barry is the aggressor in the begining while Esme seems timid and reluctant, but then the tables turn; and Barry becomes a victim of his body as Esme makes sure that he orgasms. I'm left with the question, who used whom? I hope that was your intent.

As to which category to post, you might consider the content of each chapter. Since this is a series, it might do well to post different chapters in different categories depending on the topic of the chapter. With regard to erotic coupling, you could make this fit by extending the sex scenes so that they are equally as long as the set up. That way you can explore and develop the psychological growth of the characters as well.

I'll look forward to reading the rest of your work.

SW

I can see seeing her as innocent and vulnerable, or as naive and desperate. I think both characterizations fit her actions, which is why I love her. I love your description of the Esme/Barry sex as a mutual non-consent scene. Who used whom, indeed?


Thanks so much for the feedback. It's nice to get someone else's thoughts on the character's actions-- I've "known" Esme for quite some time but it's nice to learn something new about her through someone else's eyes

 

[sharkandpen]

Romance - Candlelight, wine, and a soft kiss.

Erotic Couplings - Wild one-on-one consensual sex.

I've only read the first chapter but I think its obvious which category it belongs in based on the descriptions, from the crazy back-to-back casual sex Esme has within a 24 hour period.

Esme is a really interesting character and I plan on eventually continuing with the other chapters. She's a user, with self esteem issues who in turn enjoys being used. But you made her more than that, which makes her realistic, with conflicting emotions and desires.

I liked her superficial response to the other woman, asking "are her teeth whiter than mine?" It was amusing coming from a character who's full of deep and complicated substance.

There are some errors in the prose, some of which I'm constantly found guilty of myself so it really glared out. Repetition:





Plus the second instance of decided breaks the flow of the sentence.

Some verb tense confusion. Not a ton of it, but enough to notice.

Good read.

Thanks for pointing the repetition out. I do that a lot, too. I catch most (I wrote a lot here but caught it) of them but obviously not all of them. I also have weird tense moments sometimes where I inexplicably switch to present tense, which is a tense I rarely utilize (making the change all the more odd)

I'm actually really happy Esme as a character has been pretty well received. Thanks much for the comments

Odd, but I always pick out errors immediately after things post to the site-- maybe because I've had at least a 72 hour break from staring at it


Penny