looking for feed back

[silken_mystery]

hey guys would enjoy some feed back on my poetry and tell me what you think. blatent honesty works for me
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=145400

be gentle though still new

 

[JUDO]

SM -

I won't read all of your stuff, just to get feedback to you, but I will read one that you post here, and give you feedback on that.


- Judo

 

[silken_mystery]

A Slave's Cry

Trust in me, Master.
Know that I will hold You upmost in my thoughts,
That I will obey Your wishes,
even when we are far apart.

Believe in me, Master
Help me to visualize my dreams,
stand by me when I falter,
and praise me when I reach my goals.

Be patient, Master,
accept that I am both strong, yet weak
and in need of a not only a firm stance,
but also a caring hand.

Love me, Master
for who I am, and what I can be.
Change me not,
but build on my foundation so that I can grow.

Play with me Master,
please don't put me on a shelf like a toy
keep me with You in mind and deed,
so that I know I am wanted.

Reach me, Master,
Reach the child inside my soul,
who sometimes can be too scared
to tell you all that I am feeling.

Comfort me, Master,
when I am in pain or unsure of my steps.
Teach me to realize that
I am not alone

Challenge me, Master,
Push me to be better than I am,
Fly higher than I have,
for in doing so, I can make You proud.

Know me, Master
My strengths, vulnerabilities, and weaknesses
Help me to face that which I may not want to,
so that I can understand my value.

Talk to me, Master
Tell me of Your wishes, hopes, and desires,
Teach me to communicate as effectively,
So that I can be all that You wish me to be.

 

[silken_mystery]

Wishes..

If wishes had meaning, I'd be way too erotic,
I'd simply be me and not be as psychotic.
If wishes were mine, to do as I willed,
I'd learn every technique, and be the most highest skilled.

If wishes were magic, I'd smear you in oil,
then beg you to fuck me, while I made your blood boil.
If wishes were magic, I'd demand that you to tease,
Providing I did so from down on my knees.

If wishes were magic, I'd wish for fudge ripple,
or chocolate ice cream, to put on my nipple.
if wishes were magic, I wouldnt be blunt,
just slide up my hips, till your mouth met my cunt.

If wishes were magic, I'd go for a ride,
and take your hot member deeply inside.
if wishes were magic, you'd be hard as a rock,
then I'd send you to heaven, as I drank down your cock

If wishes were magic and I wasn't a wussy,
I'd lie obediently quiet while you tormented my pussy.
If wishes were thought, I'd be quite a good pet,
I'd do what you wished, and I'd even get wet.

If wishes were golden, I'd give you some whips
or wouldn't cry LIMIT to alligator clips
I'd ever so cheerfully pass you the cuffs,
and when 2 were in place wouldn't scream out "enough's"

If wishes were pretend, I'd get away with no trick,
you'd just shake your head as you reached for your stick.
I'd try ever so hard to avoid such disaster,
So I'd lower my eyes and say "Forgive me, Sir Master"

If wishes were like presents, I'd open them slow,
and give you every secret, that you desired to know.
If wishes were magic, I'd trust without pain,
and give you complete and total free rein.

 

[silken_mystery]

Wishes - A Dominant's Version

If wishes were magic, she'd tie me in chain
if I so much as forgot her first name.
and if, god forbid, i did something wrong
I'd never hear. .the end of that song.

OOPS... lets try that again *g*

If wishes were magic and my sub aimed to please,
she'd do what I wanted from down on her knees.
With a single quick jerk, she'd be ever so tame,
'cause my fist would be wrapped 'round her sultry long mane.

If wishes were magic, she'd learn through instruction
Have a velvety toungue with incredible suction.
She'd slowly engulf her mouth 'round my cock,
even though my 9 inches were as hard as a rock.

If wishes were magic, I'd tell her to strip
as I reached in my bag and took out my whip.
Hotel walls would come with custom suspension
I'm a domly dom, didn't I mention?

If wishes were magic, I'd tease her real slow
and only grant what i wish to bestow
I'd wait till her pussy was pounding like a drum
then make her beg me to finally cum.

If wishes were magic, my slave would be sweet
and plant a soft kiss whenever we'd meet.
She'd obey every move, and have no conceit
but generate some incredible heat.

If wishes were magic, she would have no lack
and bend over nicely for a hard well placed smack.
She'd do all she could to give me great pleasure
A slave that a dominant, would always treasure.

 

[JUDO]

A Slave's Cry

Trust in me, Master.
Know that I will hold You upmost in my thoughts,
That I will obey Your wishes,
even when we are far apart.

Believe in me, Master
Help me to visualize my dreams,
stand by me when I falter,
and praise me when I reach my goals.

Be patient, Master,
accept that I am both strong, yet weak
and in need of a not only a firm stance,
but also a caring hand.

Love me, Master
for who I am, and what I can be.
Change me not,
but build on my foundation so that I can grow.

Play with me Master,
please don't put me on a shelf like a toy
keep me with You in mind and deed,
so that I know I am wanted.

Reach me, Master,
Reach the child inside my soul,
who sometimes can be too scared
to tell you all that I am feeling.

Comfort me, Master,
when I am in pain or unsure of my steps.
Teach me to realize that
I am not alone

Challenge me, Master,
Push me to be better than I am,
Fly higher than I have,
for in doing so, I can make You proud.

Know me, Master
My strengths, vulnerabilities, and weaknesses
Help me to face that which I may not want to,
so that I can understand my value.

Talk to me, Master
Tell me of Your wishes, hopes, and desires,
Teach me to communicate as effectively,
So that I can be all that You wish me to be.

I know so very little of the D/s lifestyle. I have seen a few discussions of the capitalization ethic and see that you have that here.

Your poem stikes me to be a psalmic prayer, more than a poem. Your words here are not painting pictures, as much as communicating your desires and wishes for a relationship.

Yes, very much like a prayer. I believe that there is a passage in the Bible that sounds very much like this, but I'm not too much of a quote-chapter-and-verse type. Perhaps someone else can fill us in.

Sorry, I can't give you more feedback. Each stanza is basically the same structurally and each communicates a slightly different aspect of your desires. I'm certain this is what you wanted to say.

As a read for me, it doesn't really appeal to my personal taste, but then I don't read verses of the Bible as a daily dose either.

I'll move on to your next work.

Thanks. Hope that helps.

- Judo

 

[george55]

To equate submission to the Bible on an erotic site seems a little blasphemous. It's as if you are saying change every Master to My Lord. If we were to be submissive to Our Lord, is there belief or domination. Our Lord does not wish to dominate, more so he wishes us to follow in his foot steps and if we are unable, them forgiveness is ours. A true sub. wishes her master to exersize control not give compassion for our failings.
I know religious discussions are on of the things my daddy told me to be careful of. Strong convictions bring paranoia and discord and war.
I enjoyed your poetry, back 40 yrs. ago, I spent a year trying to interrupt poetry and felt I failed miserably. I did receive an 'A' in the class.
Dom/sub is not favorite subject but your love of it comes through. As for capitalization in poetry, how blase'. The poetress has the last word and I seem to remember e.e. cumming gave not a hoot. Carry on, there are those who could only wish to have talant and take pleasure in demeaning that which they lack. Speaking of lack, using two fingers, please excuse my mispelling....

 

[Guest]

To equate submission to the Bible on an erotic site seems a little blasphemous. It's as if you are saying change every Master to My Lord. If we were to be submissive to Our Lord, is there belief or domination. Our Lord does not wish to dominate, more so he wishes us to follow in his foot steps and if we are unable, them forgiveness is ours. A true sub. wishes her master to exersize control not give compassion for our failings.
I know religious discussions are on of the things my daddy told me to be careful of. Strong convictions bring paranoia and discord and war.
I enjoyed your poetry, back 40 yrs. ago, I spent a year trying to interrupt poetry and felt I failed miserably. I did receive an 'A' in the class.
Dom/sub is not favorite subject but your love of it comes through. As for capitalization in poetry, how blase'. The poetress has the last word and I seem to remember e.e. cumming gave not a hoot. Carry on, there are those who could only wish to have talant and take pleasure in demeaning that which they lack. Speaking of lack, using two fingers, please excuse my mispelling....

I think she left the theater.

 

[*Catbabe*]

I think she left the theater.

People are so impatient. Four years isn't that long to wait for feedback.

 

[clutching_calliope]

Some feedback

.....

 

[Honey123]

People are so impatient. Four years isn't that long to wait for feedback.

Thanks for the smile with this post.

 

[*Catbabe*]

In case you wonder why you dont get thanked for your insightful feedback

Calli, (if I may call you that)

I wasn't just being a smart ass up there in my post. The original request for feeback was from four years ago.






And you are very welcome, Honey.

 

[Honey123]

Calli, (if I may call you that)

I wasn't just being a smart ass up there in my post. The original request for feeback was from four years ago.






And you are very welcome, Honey.

Perhaps this can be used for anyone looking for feedback...just in case Silken returns to the thread.

 

[clutching_calliope]

Maybe

.....

 

[Honey123]

.....

OH NO!!! You got read of your feedback!!!!

You shouldn't have...you don't ever know. I mean, what if you made some really good points that would be useful to others???

 

[george55]

I think I'm the butt of someone's humour. I was just looking and saw this thread and read the poetry. Excuse me for being new here. I read stories all the time and repond and just starting posting on the forums...pardonyme'

 

[WickedEve]

I think I'm the butt of someone's humour. I was just looking and saw this thread and read the poetry. Excuse me for being new here. I read stories all the time and repond and just starting posting on the forums...pardonyme'

Oh, turn that frown upside down.
I think everyone was just amused to see this thread pop up after 4 years. I don't think leaving the poet feedback will help her much since it's been so long ago that she posted here. But no biggie! Why don't you liven this thread up with some of your poetry. Do you have poetry?

 

[*Catbabe*]

I think I'm the butt of someone's humour. I was just looking and saw this thread and read the poetry. Excuse me for being new here. I read stories all the time and repond and just starting posting on the forums...pardonyme'

If you are talking about me, I was kidding, plain and simple.

I also did want to point out the posting date to avoid any confusion that this was an active thread so that no one would expect the thread starter to actually answer.

Of course, whether or not it's active doesn't matter and as Honey said, feedback is always useful to read no matter what the circumstances.

 

[Angeline]

I think I'm the butt of someone's humour. I was just looking and saw this thread and read the poetry. Excuse me for being new here. I read stories all the time and repond and just starting posting on the forums...pardonyme'

No you misunderstand if you think that. Some of the people posting in this thread have been around the forum for years and were probably laughing to see a four-year-old thread asking for feedback being bumped to the top of the forum again. That's no reflection on you--it was just amusing.

Welcome to the poetry forum and please feel free to keep reading and add feedback or comments to whatever thread you wish--or start your own. There's no need to ask anyone's pardon, ok?

 

[Guest]

I think I'm the butt of someone's humour. I was just looking and saw this thread and read the poetry. Excuse me for being new here. I read stories all the time and repond and just starting posting on the forums...pardonyme'

I may have unintentionally caused you to think that but - as Ange said - it was funny to see such an old thread getting feed-back. It has nothing to do with your posting. l opinions have something to offer even if it's on a 4 yr old poem.

Peace.

 

[george55]

Thanks all, you made me feel much better and less of a horses petton. I should have looked to see when the last time she posted(over a yr ago). With this old scared body it will take forever for me to get to 100. No pics from this end.

 

[Sara Crewe]

Thanks all, you made me feel much better and less of a horses petton. I should have looked to see when the last time she posted(over a yr ago). With this old scared body it will take forever for me to get to 100. No pics from this end.

Just keep posting and you will get there! I think you are beating me!

 

[george55]

new subject

Since I seem to have more than enough attention from more mature chatters I have a question. Voyourism vs. stalking vs troll. I see way too much negative vibes between posters and I want to make sure I use passable etiquette to stay under the radar.

 

[WickedEve]

Since I seem to have more than enough attention from more mature chatters I have a question. Voyourism vs. stalking vs troll. I see way too much negative vibes between posters and I want to make sure I use passable etiquette to stay under the radar.

You are no longer under the radar. We have spotted you. We will now play with you. Prepare yourself!

 

[george55]

THANK YOU SO MUCH. i'VE BEEN NOTICED.
THIS TIME I LOOKED YOU UP BEFORE MAKING SOME STUPID COMMENT. BEING NOTICED I THINK I SHOULD GO TO ONE OF THE OTHER ROOMS WHERE I HAVE A CHANCE OF KNOWING MY ASS FROM A HOLE......thanks wicked eve, i appreciate the warning.