looking for editor m2m story

[ByLars]

Heres a little bit of my first story , I really need help with it thankyou

I was standing by the bar watching the crowd ,it was midevening when usually things start to heat up, when him and his fiance walked in , I have to admit at that moment the thought of a threesome crossed my mind, they are both gorgous, but he quickly caught my interest , he is short and slender with that kind of swimmers body that just makes you think sex , his short dark brown curly hair looked really good on him, with olive skin and eyes so dark brown they looked black , his slacks and sport coat , gold watch fairly screamed yuppie ,( which is usually not my type at all) but he was making my mouth water.,I kept watching them as they sat down at a table near the center of the room , laughing ,talking , flirting, back and forth . the other couple with them paled in comparision to them , I turned toward the bar to hide my raging hardon and so I could still ogle him in the mirror without being obvious, eventually the usual assholes started getting pumped up with thier own imaginary importance and I got busy for awhile , I guess if I'm scarey lookin just standing around , man handling drunks out of the place dosent help my image much , I caught him lookin at me after I broke up a fight near thier table , I had to pick one loser up and tote him out , my eyes meet his and I just let loose and gave him a look that had every cocksucking thought written in it , I figure if he was freaked out and thinking im a thug , why not really give him something to freakout about ,lol, the look on his face was priceless , at first freaked and scared but then there was something at the end ,that at the time I was hoping was intrique.

 

[snooper]

Heres a little bit of my first story , I really need help with it thankyou ...

This must be a deliberate attempt to wind up the more pedantic of us.

Apart from the total lack of punctuation, poor grammar and misspellings, the story doesn't make much sense.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

Heres a little bit of my first story , I really need help with it thankyou

Yes you need help, may I start by saying "Microsoft word" may be a good program for you to write your stories on.

The excessive use of ,,,,,,,,,,,,, and wording structure, makes one think you are not serious and may even be an author trying to "wind" up the rest of us.

Next to use snoopers Quote:

I think I have this answer sorted; perhaps I'll become the MG of this question?

Go to the bottom of this page and click Story Index and then on the page you reach (DV) click Volunteer Editors. Choose one or more and contact them following the instructions given. Some will answer, and all should answer within 72 hours.

 

[ByLars]

reply

In response to the replies to my post ,I am on a 1998 pc, This is a true account of a experience of mine , my pc does not have microsoft word, i posted a small portion of the story not the whole lot of it as not to take up to much space on the board , i never claimed to be a writer , i was honestly looking for help , thats why i posted . i assumed post by members were welcome here , i mean if you are all profeesionals , That really gets rid of half the hot part of this site , why not just slap some poor lit porno in the vcr and watch bad actors "act" like they can still cum. I hope you are not this unfriendly to everyone that comes looking for help. and the fact that im a bysexual man living in the south was not a purposeful attempt to "wind "up anyone . when i had my first cock at 15 i never gave either you a thought.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

Ouch! I thought I was trying to give you some advice? I can't stop other posters comments.

my pc does not have microsoft word,

win 98, 95 will support it if you do not have it.

Let me re-phrase it you could certainly benifit from a program that might help you construct proper sentences. This would greatly enhance the story. May also aid the editor as they are not likely, going to want to rewrite the entire story.

You can and by all means contact an editor still by the path mentioned above.

I am appologetic to you, but it does come off as not real because of the style.

The fact of what "Team" you play on makes no difference to me.

I want to mention, now that I know you can not SUCK cock on this site until you are 18 years of age, time before that age is better off forgot.

Psst. you never know I was pretty cute!

Phildo

 

[snooper]

Re: reply

... i was honestly looking for help , thats why i posted . i assumed post by members were welcome here , i mean if you are all profeesionals ...

If you are really not just a troll winding us up, then you have to bear in mind two things.
1 We are not professionals, just a mutual aid group. Neither authors nor editors get paid for anything they do in connection with this board.
2 Editing is not school-teacher type marking and correcting. Most editors are happy to advise on things like style, consistency, impact. Few are happy to correct spelling and elementary punctuation.

I was certainly being hard on you, but I still think that nobody can seriously write like that, except as a wind-up.

Self-referred to KM to find out if I'm being too nasty.

 

[snooper]

Try:

I was standing by the bar watching the crowd. It was at mid-evening, the time things usually start to heat up, when he and his fiancée walked in. I have to admit at that moment the thought of a threesome crossed my mind; they were both gorgeous, but he quickly caught my interest. He is short and slender with that kind of swimmer’s body that just makes you think sex. His short dark brown curly hair looked really good with the olive skin and eyes so dark brown they looked black. His slacks, sports coat and gold watch fairly screamed yuppie, which is usually not my type at all, but he was making my mouth water.
I kept watching them as they sat down at a table near the center of the room, laughing, talking, flirting back and forth. The other couple with them paled in comparison. I turned toward the bar to hide my raging hard-on and so I could still ogle him in the mirror without being obvious. Eventually the usual assholes started getting pumped up with thier own imaginary importance and I got busy for a while. I guess if I'm scary looking just standing around manhandling drunks out of the place doesn’t help my image much.
I caught him looking at me after I broke up a fight near their table. I had had to pick one loser up and tote him out; my eyes meet his and I just let loose and gave him a look that had every cocksucking thought written in it. I figured if he was freaked out and thinking I’m a thug, why not really give him something to freakout about? The look on his face was priceless; at first freaked and scared, but then there was something at the end that, at the time, I was hoping was intrigue.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I think what people are trying to tell you here is that just because you have a story to tell, that doesn't make you a writer. Writing fiction is a hell of a lot more than correcting errors in spelling and punctuation and has to do with things like plot and character and dialogue.

A lot of people have had interesting things happen to them, and have the impression that if they could just get a writer or editor to help them iron out the "rough spots", they would have a great story. It doesn't work like that, anymore than being able to hum a tune makes you a great musician.

We may not be professionals here but there are some very accomplished authors on this site, and almost all of us have worked years to develop the skills we have. Years of practice, years of reading other authors, years of study. No offense, but your excerpt strongly suggests a complete unfamiliarity not only with the idea of fiction but with the rudiments of English grammar.

If you're serious about wanting to write, I'd suggest that you start by reading some good short stories, and I don't mean the stuff on Lit. Get a feel for how things are done, how stories are told. Learn the basics of grammar and punctuation. Then write your story, revise it, edit it and proofread it, and then come here and ask for an editor. This is what most writers do and the way most editors work.

---dr.M.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Gentlemen, need I remind you that this particular forum was instituted so editors and writers could find genuine help with questions and meet each other? This is not the Author's Hangout where the locals pat you on the back for slamming someone and then tell the slammee that the slammer is "just that way."

You should also be fully aware that a significant portion of authors at Literotica have no interest in becoming writers. They are here to share their sexual fantasies, fetishes, and experiences. It's perfectly okay for them to be that way, too. Laurel isn't about perfected stories, Laurel is about letting people who otherwise would not have had the opportunity share their stories with the general public. That should be abundantly obvious just by twittering through the archives for five minutes. I could dig up the thread, but it would take away from my mid-term study time.

It's possible to be tough, honest, and objective while helping someone without resorting to cutting down the author his or herself or compromising one's own thoughts on the matter. If you don't think you can help someone or the task is more than you want to get into, then please, feel free to pass the thread by.


Lars, if you don't mind waiting 'round for me--I am by no means whatsoever timely--I will help you with your story. I would ask that you read a couple of essays found here at Lit, first. I'll link them for you.

A Crash Course in Grammar (It's short!)
How to Make Characters Talk (Formatting guide)

This one is long, but I'd like you to read the section on grammar (a paragraph or two) and the section on commas. How to Punctuate Like a Pro

This would help you with your sentence structure and your punctuation. This is basic formatting problems that you're running into right now. A last thing to do is look at the punctuation and formatting in the posts on the thread (as opposed to the content!) and see how we've put the sentences together and how we've used the punctuation. For the most part, this has been done correctly here. Half of your battle is getting used to formatting conventions.

If you'd like to read a good essay on writing itself, this one is pretty good: Show or Tell

You can hit the PM button just below the post to get into contact with me more privately.

 

[ByLars]

Thankyou very much ,KillerMuffin

I appreciate your suggestion about the essays , and Im in no hurry to submit my story now , so whenever you can edit my story will be grt8 ><annd ty for your kindness

 

[Angeline]

Since no one else in this thread made the point, I will. While every author should do his or her best to check for correct grammar, punctuation, and spelling prior to submission, that also is indeed the editor's job. It is called "copyediting" or "line editing." Most publishing houses distinguish this task from both proofreading (i.e., checking typeset copy against manuscript) and editing (i.e., editor and author work together to shepherd a manuscript through the publication production process).

And KM, your suggestions are excellent. I respect the time and effort you put into Lit, and I concur that editing is an offline task that should be agreed upon and completed by an author and editor working together. No one should be made to feel "slammed." However, I don't understand how type of content (e.g., sharing a sexual fantasy as opposed to anything else) has any bearing on an author's responsibility to submit work that has been checked to the best of that person's ability.

Furthermore, I'd argue that once someone decides to submit writing here, he or she is in fact "a writer," whether there's a plan to pursue writing beyond Lit or not. Editors are professionals, but should they be expected to be miracle workers? I was taught to check my work to the best of my ability before handing it in, and I think that's the right advice for every writer here.

I think you're saying this, too, but I wanted to put it as directly as possible. At minimum, make an effort to check your work, and if it is criticized, however unfairly, don't assume that it is an attack or your sexual experiences or preference. The one who suggested that here was ByLars, not the others. Editors, even volunteer ones, should be professionals but they're human, too.

Respectfully,
A.