Looking for Constructive Criticism and Ideas

[CollegeGuy4OlderF]

I've written several stories that I have posted on literotica, but I haven't really been happy with anything that I have written in a while, therefore I haven't posted anything. I don't have writer's block, I always have a plethora of ideas and fantasies to write about, but I am looking for some constructive criticism of my writings to make them better.

I would also love to hear any ideas anyone may have for a story!

I look forward to hearing your suggestions.

 

[Guest]

I would like to read a story about a total loser who ends up homeless on the street, but picks himself up and sorts his life out. End up with a good woman in the end, of course.

 

[CollegeGuy4OlderF]

interesting idea...maybe my creative juices arent flowing, but im having a hard time imagining how i can turn that into an erotic story....thanks for the idea

 

[cookiejar]

interesting idea...maybe my creative juices arent flowing, but im having a hard time imagining how i can turn that into an erotic story....thanks for the idea

I just read "Sweet Melissa" and sent you feedback.

 

[CollegeGuy4OlderF]

that was really weird, i just sent you an email too

 

[cookiejar]

that was really weird, i just sent you an email too

*Twilight Zone music*

 

[Guest]

I'm having a hard time imagining how I can turn that into an erotic story...

Oh, really?

Never mind.

 

[CollegeGuy4OlderF]

i must have missed something

 

[CollegeGuy4OlderF]

i guess its just the three of us on this thread, so lets make the best of it and have a threesome? yall interested?

 

[Guest]

Nah.

I'm watching Poirot.

 

[cookiejar]

Only if I can be the man...

 

[MagicFingers]

Want ideas? Try here:

https://forum.literotica.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&forumid=2

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I read “Sweet Melissa”, and I think you’re a really capable writer. You handled the dialogue well, and have a nice, easy style. Where the story fell down for me was in the sexual department, which I thought lacked detail and was over pretty quickly.

It’s funny, but I just looked at another story by someone else that had the same fault as this one. The sex was just like a list of who did what to whom, without any real emotion or richness of language or image. You didn’t give us enough detail to form a picture of what was happening, and a reader needs that in order to put himself into the scene.

One of the big pitfalls in writing in first person is the temptation to fall back on subjective judgments. Things like “she had the most gorgeous tits I’d ever seen.” or “It felt sensational” or “She was absolutely beautiful”. What's bad about these is that they don’t really mean anything to the reader, because they really don’t help us picture her tits or her beauty or what it felt like. You use subjective judgment statements a lot.

If you’re really interested in improving your writing, I’d suggest that you try writing something in third person voice. You know, “he/she” rather than “I/she”. There’s still the possibility that you’ll say things like “she had the most beautiful tits he’d ever seen”, but third-person might help you concentrate more on the concrete details of a scene rather than falling back on making statements about how you felt.

---dr.M.