Looking for answers.

[DonnaEcup]

I believe I am an intelligent, attractive, reasonably sexually active and open female, but for the life of me I don't understand the thought process behind what is referred to as " Cuckholding". Why are some men sexually aroused by their wives and GF's being sexually active with men outside the relationship? If anyone can explain this to me.....please do. Donna

 

[Ldy_Sea]

CUCKOLDING- Woman having sex with other men, generally without her partner knowing.

CUCKQUEANING- Man having sex with other woman generally with his female partners permission and assistance

WITTOL- A Man who consents, assists and even participates in his female partners enjoyment of other men.
**********

The same reason some people are aroused by incest, others have rape fantasies. It's taboo, its dirty, its frowned upon by society.

Of course their is also the element of being humiliated and not good enough and having your wife find a "bull".

I personally believe some of these men are closeted Bisexuals or gay. Being "forced" to suck cock or suck cum from their wife fulfills their need for sex with other men without having to come out.

Some men take pride in having a wife who is so sexy, so desirable to other males, that they are willing to fuck a married woman, even in front of her husband. It's an ego boost for the Married guy. They get to prove they are real men by having a sexy wife and they prove they are secure enough to "share" her.

Some couples have vastly different sex drives, and one partner lets the other have other partners to satisfy their urges.

I'm sure there are hundreds more reasons. Ask any cuckold and you will get a different reason, but of those i know, they generally fit into one of these categories

Aroused by a taboo, dirty act
Ego Boost
Insecurity
Aroused by Humiliation
Acceptable way to have sex with men

 

[Epsfinest2214]

Like the above person said its a kink. Probably drives him wild thinking about another man fucking you. It's extremely common and takes a lot of confidence in your relationship. Turn on your private messages and we can talk more about it!

 

[Ldy_Sea]

Hmmm....interesting, yes some of these thoughts crossed my mind. I'm pretty sure my husband is not gay or a least not openly. I think he possibly just likes the taboo part of the whole thing. He is pretty kinky in many other ways so I guess wanting me to flash, tease and have sex with other men might be just another turn on for him. The question is how do I deal with it? I believe he does love me but sometimes it's hard to understand why he would want to share her s wife with other men. Thank you for you your reply.

Best advice I can give is sit down and have a long frank discussion about it. No judging each other. Just be honest open and willing to discuss it. Listen to each other, and make sure you understand what and why. This way you both know how the other feels and why. This can lead to understanding and maybe some really hot sex.

Some questions to discuss are
Why does it turn him on?
Is it with a specific person or with strangers?
How do you feel about it?
What would you consider doing, and what is off limits? (Both can change over time) Maybe put something in writing, like I will flash my tits while on vacation at a club. I will not let anyone touch them. So you both know what is and is not okay.

If you decide to try and give him a part of his fantasy, make sure you have signals for things like "I'm okay" "Yes" "No" "Get me the fuck out of here" and a few others so nothing untoward happens.

Never get too drunk or stoned when doing these things, otherwise you might get more than you bargained for. Besides sex is so much better sober than drunk. Alcohol dulls the senses making you fell less.

 

[danh27]

how insecure is he? maybe this is his way of dealing with it without losing you, at least in his mind.

 

[Ldy_Sea]

If he's insecure, it may be that somewhere, maybe deep inside, he feels he isn't pleasing you. So if he can't please you, he thinks you're going to go out and find a man that can, and he will lose you.

If he allows you to have a lover, he gets humiliated, which might be sexually arousing, and since he is part of the "cheating" you won't leave him.

Warped thinking yes, but most men are.

I never liked watching porn. I thought it was stupid and boring. How long can you stare at genitals slapping together. They're so predictable and lame. I actually would fast forward through the sex to get watch the "plot". Besides the boulders most porn woman have are a turn off. Who wants a rock to play with.

Then I married someone who has issues with intimacy and we went from sex multiple times a day to a few times a month to last time was about 5 years ago. Before that it was 3 years.

We are in love, the sex is the only thing we fight about. I want it spouse doesn't.

I turned to porn for my sanity, some days I masturbate 4 or 5 times, most days at least one. I don't want to find a FWB, but I need to get laid, soon.

Again, talk to him. Only one of three things will happen.
1. You will decide to leave him
2. Nothing Changes
3. Things improve

If 1 happens you are free of him and his porn and kinky sex. Yes it will hurt and you will be depressed for a time, but that will end, and then maybe you can find someone you are more compatible with.

If 2 happens, then the status quo remains.

If 3 happens, then your life gets better.

try talking. If you want to save the marriage try a sex therapist.

 

[LizzieEr]

Once again very good advice. Thank you. I wished we would have had this type of conversation along time ago. Unfortunately I am at the point of leaving the marriage because I have felt used for a very long time. I think my husband is into porn and kinky sex more than he is into me.

Just throwing in my two cents...
I am inclined to agree with Ldy_Sea in that you should have a heart to heart . However , if you don't like his kinks or he is not sympathetic to your inhibitions , that's definitely an issue. I would advice you to really try and understand what drives him and keep an open mind... but at the same time, not to be forced into doing something you shall resent later. Sex is a two way process and if it's not pleasurable for you as well, it's not worth it. If you don't like the fantasy of being shared, tell him that. Perhaps find other ways to realise his kink... maybe role play... pretend he is someone else? Start slow snd see how it goes.


Best,
Liz.

 

[Ldy_Sea]

Just throwing in my two cents...
I am inclined to agree with Ldy_Sea in that you should have a heart to heart . However , if you don't like his kinks or he is not sympathetic to your inhibitions , that's definitely an issue. I would advice you to really try and understand what drives him and keep an open mind... but at the same time, not to be forced into doing something you shall resent later. Sex is a two way process and if it's not pleasurable for you as well, it's not worth it. If you don't like the fantasy of being shared, tell him that. Perhaps find other ways to realise his kink... maybe role play... pretend he is someone else? Start slow snd see how it goes.


Best,
Liz.

^^what she said^^

 

[BSwett060]

Please excuse my hijacking the thread...

...but I just want to say that this thread, the original post and the replies are representative of the best of Lit. A serious question and thought out, earnest, helpful answers and constructive suggestions. Well done everyone. It's refreshing to see.

Best of luck Donna. I hope that things work out well for you.

 

[Ldy_Sea]

...but I just want to say that this thread, the original post and the replies are representative of the best of Lit. A serious question and thought out, earnest, helpful answers and constructive suggestions. Well done everyone. It's refreshing to see.

Best of luck Donna. I hope that things work out well for you.

Amazing what happens when you aren't in GB or Politics isn't it. You find actual caring humans who are willing to help.

 

[BSwett060]

I must say I am somewhat surprised at the kind and thoughtful comments my thread has received. I feel bad for not getting back to all those who took the time to discuss my situation. I have been getting many private messages and many of those have be helpful and understanding as well. It is apparent that there are a huge number of men who find sexual excitment in the sexual exploitation of their spouses. In my own marriage I have decided to stay as I do love my husband but I am working on setting boundaries for myself so that I don't feel used. He has accepted the fact that I am not going to bed any more guys unless it's my decision and I doubt if I will cross that bridge again anytime soon. I've asked him to remove my personal photos from any of the web sites he has them posted on and he has assured me he has so I have to start to trust him and believe he has. It will be difficult to ever return to what would seem to be a normal relationship but somehow we will have to exchange hard core sex for intimacy. Thank you all again for your kind words and support. Xoxo Donna

Best wishes and luck Donna. I hope that everything works out well for you.

 

[JTS4jo]

Hi Donna I'm a little late to the convo but here are my two cents. My wife and I have an open relationship. We have a very good sex life but we have certain kinks we don't particularly share. She likes to be dominated, I'm more a voyuer/exhibitionist. Simple fact of how the world works, we can both go out any given night looking for a partner in crime, i'll be lucky to find someone, she'll have any number of guys ready and willing to go. Just how it works. We've been married 10 years have practiced an open marriage the past 3 or so and she's hooked up with 4 guys in that time. She gets an itch I can't scratch and I'd rather she have someone else do it than be unhappy.

Now in the same timeframe I've tried and closest I've gotten to the casual hookup is being stood up the night we were supposed to hook up...so am I cuckold? Unlucky? Fooling myself? I have no fear my wife would ever leave me. I am a great dad, provider, friend,....and I cook. She just has a particular need I am not comfortable meeting so we outsource

If you'd like to chat more feel free to PM me. not big on sharing on the boards, this is about the most I ever shared outside of PM.

 

[JTS4jo]

Apologies

Donna,

sorry about my last post I didn't see your last post about your pairings not being your decision, desire, etc. That changes things immensely. My opinion is in any kind of alternative/kinky/taboo lifestyle all participants need to agree and be comfortable with all aspects of what is going on. It doesn't appear you both had the same things in mind so I'd agree you need to have a conversation and lay some rules before anything goes any further. Just my opinion.