Siennagray
Virgin
- Joined
- Dec 1, 2013
- Posts
- 3
Long-winded amateur writer looking for an editor...plz help
I'm fairly new to this writing thing but alas I'm inspired to explore it further.
I wrote a 50 plus chapter story with still no end in sight. As this was my first attempt at writing I wrote in first person POV switching between the lead protagonists - this was what I was most comfortable with. After some reviews (on another site) I think I need to change to third person which I am currently working on.
I need some help with navigating this slightly foreign POV and also with plot development so that I can efficiently wrap up the story. It's an interracial romance.
Below is the summary and an excerpt from the first chapter.
His Equal by Sienna Gray
Summary:
John and Sienna were opposites in every sense. The Liberal and the closet Conservative were political rivals who found no ordinary love in their passions. John faces the biggest decision in his political career but will he lose his equal if he takes the leap.
Excerpt:
Sienna groaned internally only allowing for a wordless moan to be audible. Contemplations of prolonging the ‘talk’ had seized her faculties but every syllable John had uttered vibrated with his cock pressed at her opening. She was the one at his mercy. He was the one that had the power to make her body betray her better senses. He was the one holding her release and her sanity; it was her being rolled over in a barrel, never him.
Numb to her discomfort, she held no protest to his solid cherry wood desk pressed beneath her rear and elbows. The cool air teased her moist nipples, wet from John’s angry kisses fanning the flames burning between her thighs. Determined, she held her quivering legs locked around his muscular waist urging him to find her center but John in his arrogant stance refused to move an inch deeper.
The faint rays of sunlight escaping through the blinds behind him had painted an orange glow in the room. Carefully she noted the frustration lined on his handsome face; in the beads of sweat running down his neck and through the actions in his fingers running through his disheveled hair. Sticking firm to her resolve she held her half smile poker face while her perceptive eyes studied him for a hint of something, anything.
Enough time had already been wasted, the sun was setting.
Good, you should be frustrated; the words played on her tongue but would not escape her lips. NO! She swayed her head as if to dislodge the thought. She was not going to start another row for he said more with his words in her silence.
John rummaged on his state of contrition and after four years of marriage never would he have imagined being here. Here being forced to look at his wife through the empty barrel of his gun. Their marriage was built on passion he inwardly mused. He had missed this side of them. They were total opposites but she was his equal. Damn, if this woman did not challenge him, he resolved deciding to play along in her little game.
"Come on SIENNA," he said louder with more force eliciting another moan from her.
Reveling in the delight her movements were stroking inside her, she eased herself further upwards and released the safety.
I'm fairly new to this writing thing but alas I'm inspired to explore it further.
I wrote a 50 plus chapter story with still no end in sight. As this was my first attempt at writing I wrote in first person POV switching between the lead protagonists - this was what I was most comfortable with. After some reviews (on another site) I think I need to change to third person which I am currently working on.
I need some help with navigating this slightly foreign POV and also with plot development so that I can efficiently wrap up the story. It's an interracial romance.
Below is the summary and an excerpt from the first chapter.
His Equal by Sienna Gray
Summary:
John and Sienna were opposites in every sense. The Liberal and the closet Conservative were political rivals who found no ordinary love in their passions. John faces the biggest decision in his political career but will he lose his equal if he takes the leap.
Excerpt:
Sienna groaned internally only allowing for a wordless moan to be audible. Contemplations of prolonging the ‘talk’ had seized her faculties but every syllable John had uttered vibrated with his cock pressed at her opening. She was the one at his mercy. He was the one that had the power to make her body betray her better senses. He was the one holding her release and her sanity; it was her being rolled over in a barrel, never him.
Numb to her discomfort, she held no protest to his solid cherry wood desk pressed beneath her rear and elbows. The cool air teased her moist nipples, wet from John’s angry kisses fanning the flames burning between her thighs. Determined, she held her quivering legs locked around his muscular waist urging him to find her center but John in his arrogant stance refused to move an inch deeper.
The faint rays of sunlight escaping through the blinds behind him had painted an orange glow in the room. Carefully she noted the frustration lined on his handsome face; in the beads of sweat running down his neck and through the actions in his fingers running through his disheveled hair. Sticking firm to her resolve she held her half smile poker face while her perceptive eyes studied him for a hint of something, anything.
Enough time had already been wasted, the sun was setting.
Good, you should be frustrated; the words played on her tongue but would not escape her lips. NO! She swayed her head as if to dislodge the thought. She was not going to start another row for he said more with his words in her silence.
John rummaged on his state of contrition and after four years of marriage never would he have imagined being here. Here being forced to look at his wife through the empty barrel of his gun. Their marriage was built on passion he inwardly mused. He had missed this side of them. They were total opposites but she was his equal. Damn, if this woman did not challenge him, he resolved deciding to play along in her little game.
"Come on SIENNA," he said louder with more force eliciting another moan from her.
Reveling in the delight her movements were stroking inside her, she eased herself further upwards and released the safety.
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