Looking for an Editor

[DeeperDown]

Looking for an editor for chapter two of my series: Caden's California.

The link to chapter one is below. It was written without using an editor, so I'd like to explore the editor process.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=481852

Length, when finished, will be about the same length (3-5,000 words). The Caden's series is a group sex series about a young man with multiple female partners, its written from a first person point of view and is more story driven than the other series I have written.

If interested please comment here with an email address, or send an email to: Removal of email address as per Literotica Forum Rules #4

Thank you.

 

[PacoFear]

Hi Deeper,

It's retarded, I know, but the use of e-mail addresses in forum posts is contrary to forum guidelines. Might want to edit your post to remove it before one of the moderator-types picks it up. E-mail addresses in these parts are typically exchanged via private message.

I hope someone picks up your piece. G'luck!

-PF

 

[PacoFear]

Hi again Deeper,

I had a bit of time to kill and swung by to read your first chapter. On a quick read through, it looked like you were 97% on the droll grammary things. The only repeated offenses I saw were errors in punctuating dialogue which is understandable insofar as most of us didn't learn how to do it in school for some reason. It's probably one of the primary stumbling blocks for us hobby writer types when we start out.

It can't hurt to have someone here with a good eye go over your work, but in the meantime here's a pretty clear explanation of the few rules for correct dialogue punctuation: Punctuating Dialogue. You'll earn bonus points with editors for doing a bit of clean-up before foisting your problems on someone else.

I did see a few non-Americanisms peaking through which obviously would be fine if your main character [edit: your main character/narrator] wasn't intended to be an American. The only one I could find again on a quick skim was this one but I believe there were more:

"Is that for me?" She asked noticing her favourite toppings.

That should read "favorite."​

Substantively, I gotta tell you that this thing is starting out a bit on the slow side. There's nothing pulling me in other than your painstaking descriptions of Caden's super-dee-duper life, which for me quickly became its own problem.

Caden's life is so perfect (LA apt, Bleu graduate, successful/superhot girlfriend, BMW cycle, successful businesses, adored by his employees, etc.) that this story is coming off a bit like a vanity piece on my read, like your penning the lifestyle you wish you were living. For your sake, I hope Caden's perfect life in the first chapter is your jumping off point for things getting more interesting later. If that's the case, I'd say you could give us the flavor of Caden's blissful existence in about half the words, if not a quarter.

Just my $0.02. It's your story, do as you will.

-PF

 

[snoopercharmbrights]

... I did see a few non-Americanisms peaking through ...

Shouldn't that be "peeking"?

 

[PacoFear]

Shouldn't that be "peeking"?

Maybe.

 

[DeeperDown]

Americanism

I'm not sure why having an American character in the story would necessitate the usage of American English in the story. If I were writing the story about poorly educated man living in rural Arkansas I wouldn't think it would be expected that I would misspell words and use poor grammar to reflect his background.

 

[PacoFear]

Deeper,

it only matters because your story is written from first person AND that person is an American. In theory, Caden is the one telling the story, not you.

If you were writing a story from the perspective of a poorly educated Cockney would you have her tell her tale in the Queen's English?

-PF

 

[CopperSkink]

I'm scared now. I just got yelled at for the vanity thing; obviously nobody wants to turn readers off for being too oneself-full (I'll take a quarter every time someone repeats that). I think the concept can be salvaged if done Scottish Play-style.

 

[snoopercharmbrights]

... If you were writing a story from the perspective of a poorly educated Cockney would you have her tell her tale in the Queen's English? ...

As narrator, yes. In direct speech, no.

An opening to a story: Would yer Adam'n'Eve it? Me ole Dutch wiv a masher? I suspect that might put some readers off, just a little.
Translation: Would you believe it? My husband with a toy boy?


@@@@@

Related question, in the direct speech Cockney slang question "Would yer Adam'n'Eve it?" how would you indicate that the final 't' is elided (silent)?

 

[PacoFear]

I thought the theory was that you replaced a missing letter with an apostrophe, but then i' looks a bit funny don't i'?

 

[CopperSkink]

Agree with the apostrophe and yes, it looks a little funny. Perhaps if it gets called into play more often, it will become quickly agoraphonically acceptable.

 

[snoopercharmbrights]

The best suggestion I've had is "Would yer Adam'n'Eve i-?", but I still don' like i'.

 

[PacoFear]

I'd go with the apostrophe over the hyphen. Since en-dashes are used for interrupted speech you may get some confused readers thinking your speaker is getting cut off. I guess they'd figure it out eventually, but to me grammar seems to be about giving a reader the best chance at understanding what you're saying the first time around.

 

[_Lynn_]

I'd go with the apostrophe over the hyphen. Since en-dashes are used for interrupted speech you may get some confused readers thinking your speaker is getting cut off. I guess they'd figure it out eventually, but to me grammar seems to be about giving a reader the best chance at understanding what you're saying the first time around.

If you check the CMS 6.83-86 you'll see an en-dash is not used for interrupted speech. That is the em-dash, as the CMS shows in 6.87-94.

 

[PacoFear]

Hehe. Can't make a slip here on the Editor's Forum can I? Thanks for keeping me honest, ML.

 

[_Lynn_]

Hehe. Can't make a slip here on the Editor's Forum can I? Thanks for keeping me honest, ML.

Eh, it happens.

 

[CopperSkink]

Apparantly, as we should all be aware of by now, your seemingly innocent messages are as vulnerable to editing as the stories you put actual effort into. But be glad that people, even with busy schedules, are willing to give you help even when you didn't ask for it.

In any case I wouldn't care for either the standard dash nor the em-dash rather than an apostorphie. Looked like someone was trying to say "I" but got shot in the tooth before he could dot it.

 

[PacoFear]

ML's just helping, Copper. What if a noob skimming the forums had read my erroneous e-mail and took it for gospel? Better to get the record straight.

The way I see it, we're editors, kinda, and editors are supposed to care about this stuff. I want the nitpickiest bastard, or bitch, looking over my work. Not the sloppy guy. If they made t-shirts that read Nitpicky Bastard, I'd wear one around. Hell, I'd get my wife two for Christmas.

 

[DeeperDown]

Yeah...

Yeah, so on that note, if anyone is actually interested in editing the story, feel free to drop me a private message or reply here.

 

[CopperSkink]

This is no place to discuss stories; we're conducting serious conversation here.

Personally I prefer to send someone a message in private that will explain the problem for the offender to edit on his own time. Or I could've just said "*em-dash".