illicity71
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2006
- Posts
- 111
I've got a f/f story written I'd like to have someone have a look at. I tried going through the Volunteer Editor thing but apparently my literotica.org mailbox is dead at the moment. :-(
In any event, I've not yet submitted anything here before. The story is just over ten pages and to me seems plot heavy and I'd like a little advice "spicing up" the "good part." ;-)
I'm grateful for any help offered. I'll post the first section of the story below.
Regards,
illicity71
Extracting herself slowly from the tangle of sheets, Jess moved cautiously for her clothes. She didn’t dare wake Hannah. It would only lead to an argument, hurt feelings and more confusion, for both of them.
The last time Jess snuck out after a night together, she’d gotten an earful. Hannah was growing more and more frustrated with Jess’ refusal to be “more committed” to their relationship. “More committed” in Hannah’s vernacular meant she wanted Jess to stay all night as well as be more open about their relationship. Hannah wanted it all out in the open.
Jess was much more circumspect. While she didn’t exactly hide who she was, she didn’t flaunt it either. Before Hannah, sex was something she had for fun. She’d refused to let feelings get tangled in the mix. Hannah had turned that notion on its head.
Why was she being so cautious? Jess asked herself the question dozens, no hundreds, of times. The answer was there, but she refused to let it surface in her mind. Jess didn’t want to get hurt regardless of how badly she wanted Hannah in her life. How sad to know what you truly want and refuse to allow yourself the pleasure.
Jess picked up her jeans, t-shirt and under garments. Padding slowly into the darkened living room of Hannah’s small house, she dressed quickly and walked out the door. In the familiar comfort of her restored, black Karman Ghia, she turned the engine over and backed out of the driveway, at once thankful her brother had replaced the VW’s ancient engine with a newer, quiet one.
The morning air was cool and the breeze felt good on her skin. At a stop light, she closed her eyes briefly asking for solace to whomever would listen. Jess was 36 years old and just learning who she really was.
She often worried paths in the carpet of her apartment, wringing her hands over whether or not to come out completely. There were friends and family who didn’t know she was gay, and she was quite content with that. What would they say? How would they react? Would they feel she’d let them down? Had she?
In heart, she refused the notion that being gay was wrong. Loving another person can’t be wrong. But she knew full well that not all people felt that way. In fact, she knew full well the town she lived in more than frowned upon such behavior. Love was hard enough. Love with all this other extraneous bullshit could make relationships impossible.
Jess had settled for a few casual lovers, never staying with someone beyond the lust phase. She always told herself to keep swimming, like a shark, the more she moved on the more she kept her heart safe. Because the relationships were meaningless dalliances, she told herself she could continue to keep her sexuality a secret from those she dared not disappoint.
A vision of Hannah beneath her passed errantly through her mind as she drove. The petite brunette was a knockout with a large bust and warm chocolate eyes. She had a softness, a vulnerability, about her that had completely sucked Jess in from the moment they’d met, two years ago.
When they first met, Hannah was the very straight, very married postal carrier that brought the mail to the auto repair shop Jess’ brother owned. Jess worked in the family business. Her father had begun the business 50 years ago. Now retired, Jess and her brother Jack ran the shop. Jess did the books. Jack fixed the cars. And every day, pretty little Hannah came into the shop.
A friendship had developed between them over that time. They shared stories and jokes. Hannah always seemed to linger a little longer than Jess would imagine she should. A year ago, Hannah had come into the shop looking completely disheveled. She was clearly on the verge of tears.
“Hannah? What’s wrong?” Jess asked.
Hannah had slumped into one of their waiting area chairs and wept. Naturally, Jess went and put her arm around the woman, pulled her close as sobs wracked Hannah’s small frame. Jess tried to ignore her immediate reaction to Hannah’s sweet scent and the warm feeling wrapping her arms around the other woman.
Jess inwardly chided herself for such thoughts. Hannah was her friend and needed comforting. A few months prior, Hannah had come home from work sick to find her husband in bed with his high school sweet heart. Jamie wasn’t even repentant. Hannah had immediately demanded a divorce.
“It’s final today, Jess,” Hannah sobbed. “I’m divorced. I’m going to spend the rest of my life alone.”
“You won’t spend your life alone,” Jess soothed. “Look, after this you’ll need sometime to find yourself again and grieve this loss. But, in time, you’ll meet someone and fall in love. I know it.”
Jess’ words were far more prophetic than she could have ever imagined. In the ensuing months, Hannah started inviting Jess to dinner. At first, Jess thought Hannah was just lonely and wanted a girlfriend. “Girlfriend” in the sense of the word straight girls use to describe their shopping buddies.
But Hannah had turned out to not only be more insightful than Jess imagined, Hannah had also discovered she liked women, in particular she liked Jess. And when Jess was honest with herself, she felt a certain ease with Hannah. She never had to pretend she was someone else.
Hannah was a sweet and generous lover and, at first, seemed to be all right with Jess’ need to be discreet and take things slowly. Deep down, Jess wanted a relationship. Hell, she wanted a relationship with Hannah, but was afraid of all the trappings that would come with a relationship.
Moving in together meant coming out and coming out to her family meant a shit storm Jess did not want to find herself in the middle of. Instead, she now found herself in the middle of a shit storm from Hannah who desperately wanted to take their relationship to a higher, more vividly defined level.
In any event, I've not yet submitted anything here before. The story is just over ten pages and to me seems plot heavy and I'd like a little advice "spicing up" the "good part." ;-)
I'm grateful for any help offered. I'll post the first section of the story below.
Regards,
illicity71
Extracting herself slowly from the tangle of sheets, Jess moved cautiously for her clothes. She didn’t dare wake Hannah. It would only lead to an argument, hurt feelings and more confusion, for both of them.
The last time Jess snuck out after a night together, she’d gotten an earful. Hannah was growing more and more frustrated with Jess’ refusal to be “more committed” to their relationship. “More committed” in Hannah’s vernacular meant she wanted Jess to stay all night as well as be more open about their relationship. Hannah wanted it all out in the open.
Jess was much more circumspect. While she didn’t exactly hide who she was, she didn’t flaunt it either. Before Hannah, sex was something she had for fun. She’d refused to let feelings get tangled in the mix. Hannah had turned that notion on its head.
Why was she being so cautious? Jess asked herself the question dozens, no hundreds, of times. The answer was there, but she refused to let it surface in her mind. Jess didn’t want to get hurt regardless of how badly she wanted Hannah in her life. How sad to know what you truly want and refuse to allow yourself the pleasure.
Jess picked up her jeans, t-shirt and under garments. Padding slowly into the darkened living room of Hannah’s small house, she dressed quickly and walked out the door. In the familiar comfort of her restored, black Karman Ghia, she turned the engine over and backed out of the driveway, at once thankful her brother had replaced the VW’s ancient engine with a newer, quiet one.
The morning air was cool and the breeze felt good on her skin. At a stop light, she closed her eyes briefly asking for solace to whomever would listen. Jess was 36 years old and just learning who she really was.
She often worried paths in the carpet of her apartment, wringing her hands over whether or not to come out completely. There were friends and family who didn’t know she was gay, and she was quite content with that. What would they say? How would they react? Would they feel she’d let them down? Had she?
In heart, she refused the notion that being gay was wrong. Loving another person can’t be wrong. But she knew full well that not all people felt that way. In fact, she knew full well the town she lived in more than frowned upon such behavior. Love was hard enough. Love with all this other extraneous bullshit could make relationships impossible.
Jess had settled for a few casual lovers, never staying with someone beyond the lust phase. She always told herself to keep swimming, like a shark, the more she moved on the more she kept her heart safe. Because the relationships were meaningless dalliances, she told herself she could continue to keep her sexuality a secret from those she dared not disappoint.
A vision of Hannah beneath her passed errantly through her mind as she drove. The petite brunette was a knockout with a large bust and warm chocolate eyes. She had a softness, a vulnerability, about her that had completely sucked Jess in from the moment they’d met, two years ago.
When they first met, Hannah was the very straight, very married postal carrier that brought the mail to the auto repair shop Jess’ brother owned. Jess worked in the family business. Her father had begun the business 50 years ago. Now retired, Jess and her brother Jack ran the shop. Jess did the books. Jack fixed the cars. And every day, pretty little Hannah came into the shop.
A friendship had developed between them over that time. They shared stories and jokes. Hannah always seemed to linger a little longer than Jess would imagine she should. A year ago, Hannah had come into the shop looking completely disheveled. She was clearly on the verge of tears.
“Hannah? What’s wrong?” Jess asked.
Hannah had slumped into one of their waiting area chairs and wept. Naturally, Jess went and put her arm around the woman, pulled her close as sobs wracked Hannah’s small frame. Jess tried to ignore her immediate reaction to Hannah’s sweet scent and the warm feeling wrapping her arms around the other woman.
Jess inwardly chided herself for such thoughts. Hannah was her friend and needed comforting. A few months prior, Hannah had come home from work sick to find her husband in bed with his high school sweet heart. Jamie wasn’t even repentant. Hannah had immediately demanded a divorce.
“It’s final today, Jess,” Hannah sobbed. “I’m divorced. I’m going to spend the rest of my life alone.”
“You won’t spend your life alone,” Jess soothed. “Look, after this you’ll need sometime to find yourself again and grieve this loss. But, in time, you’ll meet someone and fall in love. I know it.”
Jess’ words were far more prophetic than she could have ever imagined. In the ensuing months, Hannah started inviting Jess to dinner. At first, Jess thought Hannah was just lonely and wanted a girlfriend. “Girlfriend” in the sense of the word straight girls use to describe their shopping buddies.
But Hannah had turned out to not only be more insightful than Jess imagined, Hannah had also discovered she liked women, in particular she liked Jess. And when Jess was honest with herself, she felt a certain ease with Hannah. She never had to pretend she was someone else.
Hannah was a sweet and generous lover and, at first, seemed to be all right with Jess’ need to be discreet and take things slowly. Deep down, Jess wanted a relationship. Hell, she wanted a relationship with Hannah, but was afraid of all the trappings that would come with a relationship.
Moving in together meant coming out and coming out to her family meant a shit storm Jess did not want to find herself in the middle of. Instead, she now found herself in the middle of a shit storm from Hannah who desperately wanted to take their relationship to a higher, more vividly defined level.
Last edited:
Who'd want Roguecheese apart from those who know and love you huh? 
