Danandalive
Virgin
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2016
- Posts
- 4
I wrote this about a year ago and then did nothing with it. It is my first erotic short story and could use help, ranging from smacking me over the head about tense and style to flushing out the weaker parts of the story (i.e. the end feels abrupt to me). Thank you!
Sample:
As the second round of drinks show up I realize that Thom is increasingly pulling out from the conversation while Audrey and I continue to flirt more overtly, with her hands now lingering on my forearm far longer than strictly necessary. Not that I minded of course. Finally the conversation becomes blatantly sexual with Thom finally joining in, sharing about how shocked he was when they met, that Audrey had only been with one guy before him, in high school. Laughing, Audrey added that her first lover was also tiny, only the size of her pinkie finger, and she has enjoyed Thom’s bigger cock so much more. Per our extended emails earlier I knew that Thom was about 5 inches and not horribly thick. Both blushing brightly, Thom and Audrey headed to the bathrooms at the same time. I figured they were making their final decision for the evening.
Seeing all the drinks nearing their end Nina returns and blurts out “Oh my gosh, you are all going to have a threesome!” Without missing a beat. I grin and reply “We were hoping you would join for a foursome”.
While she blushes I quickly add “No, we are not having a threesome”. Looking slightly more relaxed she smiles and asks “If you are all done drinking, what's next for you night? I’ll get your change.”
“We are going back to my hotel where I am going to tape Thom to a chair while I fuck his wife. Keep the change.” I deadpanned back to Nina. She paused for a long moment, eyes wide, before a wink and a sly smile heading back to the few other patrons on the other side of the bar. Thom and Audrey eventually return, with Thom stumbling slightly. Nina had mixed their drinks well.
Sample:
As the second round of drinks show up I realize that Thom is increasingly pulling out from the conversation while Audrey and I continue to flirt more overtly, with her hands now lingering on my forearm far longer than strictly necessary. Not that I minded of course. Finally the conversation becomes blatantly sexual with Thom finally joining in, sharing about how shocked he was when they met, that Audrey had only been with one guy before him, in high school. Laughing, Audrey added that her first lover was also tiny, only the size of her pinkie finger, and she has enjoyed Thom’s bigger cock so much more. Per our extended emails earlier I knew that Thom was about 5 inches and not horribly thick. Both blushing brightly, Thom and Audrey headed to the bathrooms at the same time. I figured they were making their final decision for the evening.
Seeing all the drinks nearing their end Nina returns and blurts out “Oh my gosh, you are all going to have a threesome!” Without missing a beat. I grin and reply “We were hoping you would join for a foursome”.
While she blushes I quickly add “No, we are not having a threesome”. Looking slightly more relaxed she smiles and asks “If you are all done drinking, what's next for you night? I’ll get your change.”
“We are going back to my hotel where I am going to tape Thom to a chair while I fuck his wife. Keep the change.” I deadpanned back to Nina. She paused for a long moment, eyes wide, before a wink and a sly smile heading back to the few other patrons on the other side of the bar. Thom and Audrey eventually return, with Thom stumbling slightly. Nina had mixed their drinks well.
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