Looking for Advice...

[dman2342]

My wife has just informed me that just prior to our meeting she was having a 3 year relationship with another woman (not really upset with this part). After she had met me she says that her lover was to move out as she had finally found herself (@ 28). My wifes family all knew and I was not informed, until a few days ago.

Now the part that makes me uneasy and upset. Family members and friends have taken a all girls camping trip that includes drugs and alcohol, but no stories are suppose to be told about anything that goes on there. This is our 3 year of being toegther and she has gone on at least 7 of these trips with her former lover. Family and friends encouraged these actions without informing me of what had happened between these two in the past.

If my wife had been off for a weekend with another man and her family I would be furious. Now I am sick with confusion and just lonely. Just because she was with a previous lover that was of the same sex am I suppose to feel that all of these escapades are ok?

 

[klippert]

not sure what your looking for

I don't like the idea of keeping secrets. What is this Vegas. Seems like the family is keeping you at arms length. That might piss me off. I guess its time for you to run off, most likely she would just lap it up. Keep secrets though can ruin a relationship.

I would ask her what went on... if she get's huffy.... lay into her about keeping secrets . I would be leery on the dope issue as well. unless that's your thing (not being judgmental.) I'm guessing it's her way or the high way.....

 

[dman2342]

I thank you for the honest reply.
Here is the situation now.
We have two kids together, we have been married almost two years and no I dont do any dope. I do have the occasional drink, maybe three or four times a year.

 

[klippert]

I thank you for the honest reply.
Here is the situation now.
We have two kids together, we have been married almost two years and no I dont do any dope. I do have the occasional drink, maybe three or four times a year.

I do apologize, I wasn't insinuating you or your Mrs. indulged in drugs. I should have clarified myself. The ladies only camping, drugs and alcohol. It's the going and no questions asked.... return home like nothing happened. that's the sharp edge. Giving the children the impression it alright to go off and do as you please without question......

My advice:.... Why no questions asked. If she has been doing this since you've married. she will wonder why now, or bust your balls too shout you up!!!. Be prepared for that, and she'll most likely tell her family and others she camps with.....that you've questioned her trip.

 

[Little Bird]

This really can't be solved only by talking. Not much more I can give as advice, but keeping your frustration to yourself is almost guaranteed to make it end badly.

You said your wife told you herself, so she probably had very good reasons to do so now and not earlier. My thought would be to approach this subject while trying not to accuse her of anything. Tell her what's bothering you and she may be able to relieve some of your doubts.

 

[Etoile]

All I can say is that same sex cheating is still cheating. If you feel uncomfortable with her having a relationship with a man, you can feel uncomfortable with her having a relationship with a woman, too. Some bi people will say "it's not the same if it's with a different gender from you" but only YOU can decide that. Some guys are okay with their wives seeking pussy outside the relationship (as long as it's not another guy), but some are not. You don't have to be if you don't want to be. If you want to be, that's okay too. But examine your own feelings on the matter.