Looking for a sub friend/mentor...

[Nyx78]

Sub friend/mentor...

Hi there!
I recently discovered that I have a predilection for being submissive. I don't know if you remember that time when it all clicked for you. For me, it was a mind numbing realization. I'm looking for someone who can relate and possibly offer advice as I explore this with my shiny new Master.

I have always hated making decisions- sexually and non sexually. I have always wanted to discern what I thought the other person wanted and make that decision so that they would be delighted with the choice. I get extreme anxiety when I can't make people happy.

Coupled with my aversion to making choices/decisions, is a very secret interest in all things kinky.

My challenge is that I am also scared. I'm scared to do things that I have not done before. I'm scared to disappoint my Master-especially after all the time and patience he is putting into me. I'm scared that I will not be an ideal sub for him and that I'll annoy him away with all of my questions and fears.

As a disclaimer, I am married (happily) as is he, so some of the pressure that might be there to be "everything" to each other is not there. So this dual life I have just begun is quite confusing to me. It feels like I am high with the pleasure I'm getting out of this fresh relationship. But I just have so many thoughts running through my head that I start to feel low and that's when my fears kick in.

I would love to chat privately with some subs (preferably other female subs with male masters if possible) who had similar experiences or even just someone to talk to and ask questions to.

Thanks for reading this

 

[SweetMarie2323]

Hi!
I'm probably not the best person in the world to talk to as I'm also very new. I've found the Lit forums to be very helpful when I've had questions and I hope you do too (especially because so many people on here are not judgmental).

I do have a question, are you married to your Master or are you both married to others? I only ask because if you are both in separate committed relationships that could cause problems.

Like I said, I may not be the best person because I am so inexperienced but I hope you find a friend or several to talk to.

 

[Nyx78]

Hi Sweetmarie- I have read stories here for over a decade at this point. Just venturing to the bulletin boards this year- and only creating a profile last week. I find it to be very helpful already.

So, to add to the confusion. I identify as bi woman (I say identify because I am attracted to and have had relationships with both men and women, but have never slept with a man. Though I have always wanted to sleep with a man, it just hasn't worked out its timing and the fact that I'm married to a (full fledged lesbian who is amazing and also not into my kinks)

I thought that maybe exploring here might be a good outlet to work out some of my kinks so that I don't ruin what I already have. So that kind of adds to the mix of things I could use advice on. Balancing things etc.

 

[MeekMe]

Welcome to the board. There probably won't be too many women that want to talk privately with you here. Unfortunately, you've just sent out a beacon to all the scummy dirtbags that roam the boards looking for women to PM. Be aware that any advice you get in PM may not come from good intentions.

If you have any questions, it's perfectly ok to ask them in the forum. You'll get a variety of answers (we don't all operate the same way) and it will give others (who may have similar questions) a chance to read along and learn something.

It says you're being discreet in your profile, does that mean you're exploring without the consent of your partner? If that's the case, consider being honest with them and giving them a chance to make a decision about the situation. Honesty and communication are staples in any relationship that hopes to be successful.

Check the stickies at the top of the forum. The library has a lot of topics and resources that may help you narrow down your questions. Be sure to read through some of the new discussions as well, lots of new people tend to ask the same questions so you may find an answer there.

Stick around and join in on the discussions, there's lots of great info here.

 

[CutieMouse]

I'm going to say this as kindly as possible, but reading through the list of personal traits you identify as submissive, struck me as symptoms of codependency sprinkled with a heavy shake of perfectionism. (Coming from someone who has a strong service streak/once upon a time unhealthy desire to please, and a perfectionist streak as deep as the Grand Canyon. lol)

I found a lot of the stress (what if I screw up, not good enough, I'll dissappoint him, blah blah blah) went away when I learned how to serve while maintaining healthy boundaries. I had to learn to say no, to say yes (oh the irony), to negotiate my needs ahead of my wants, and be totally cool with walking away to find comfort in staying.

Do the respective spouses know about the D/s relationship? Is it online or face to face?

 

[Nyx78]

Thank you, ladies.

I really appreciate the thoughts and advice.

It is online- and I don't have consent from my partner.

Beyond that, I don't think I can share much more on here. Feeling quite vulnerable at what I've already shared.

I will definitely take any PMs with a grain of salt knowing know what I may have stirred up for those with ill intentions. And for those who may be lurking looking for an easy target, I am not looking to discuss any sexual/topics but more the emotional/psychological side of all of my things (questioning sexuality/ new relationship in a submissive role/ online cheating... The whole darn thing.)