looking for a collaborator For Mature romance

[Qky75]

I posted a story idea below in the tone I imagine. This story could easily go "Notebook" style or keep it an origin love story with both drifting off to the great sleep together. Perhaps a resident of the nursing home brings him out of his shell. Let me know your thoughts.

Deep beneath the surface, memories hide from the prying eyes of the onlooker...

"Remember when you could swallow Margaret? Let's go back over how to swallow."

Charles groaned; the entendre not lost on him. The sorry bastard couldn't remember his address but he damn sure didn't forget Margaret's skills!

"C'mon Ms Margaret, ya gotta swallow this pill! Doncha remember how to swallow?"

Charles remembered. Sitting in his recliner facing the window, the stoic old man flashed almost a grin. The expression would be easily missed by the casual observer; not to mention the impatient aide completely ignoring him. To be fair, the staff no more ignored Charles than he ignored the staff. Beyond his pale blue eyes and sedentary form, a lifetime of memories played out in vivid technicolor. 1958 - oh they weren't Charles Sr. and Margaret until they faced the loan officer for their first mortgage. No, in 1958 it was just Chip and Peggy in the front seat of his father's Buick becoming adults and enjoying her skillful swallowing.

 

[AlwaysDancing]

This is a really beautiful idea!!

I think the challenge with flashbacks is that it’s hard to build suspense. You already know the answer somewhat.

So maybe when you write this from Chip’s perspective, we’re unaware that it’s Peggy sitting next to him.

“Margaret, don’t you remember how to swallow?” If you out that at the end and the reader realizes that’s Peggy sitting next to him the whole time.

It might give you that “aww” moment.

You might be able to even get away with some really raunchy sex while keeping a surprising amount of heart.

I hope to see more of this.

 

[Qky75]

This is a really beautiful idea!!

I think the challenge with flashbacks is that it’s hard to build suspense. You already know the answer somewhat.

So maybe when you write this from Chip’s perspective, we’re unaware that it’s Peggy sitting next to him.

“Margaret, don’t you remember how to swallow?” If you out that at the end and the reader realizes that’s Peggy sitting next to him the whole time.

It might give you that “aww” moment.

You might be able to even get away with some really raunchy sex while keeping a surprising amount of heart.

I hope to see more of this.

This is excellent input! There are a few directions I've thought about going to add a twist. Thank you for taking your time. More to come

 

[Qky75]

Storyboard collaboration wanted:
The first post gives you some ideas of the premise even though I've reworked the opening, setting the scene to a point I'm satisfied. I think Peggy(Margaret )will pass and like any good couple together years Chip(Charles) will fall asleep and see her in her younger self as he always saw her and they will walk off into the afterlife together. Something like an inside joke between them from their earlier days ..."Charles! There you are darling. I've been waiting here for you." Charles grinned , "Let's blow this joint" Maybe that line is how they eloped....maybe yearning for exotic places and bigger opportunities....did they make it? If so, how did they end up back in their hometown at the rest home?