Long term friends with benifits

[Lorelei_11]

I've found that the term "friends with benifits" is often confused with fuck buddies. I did that myself, until I learned the difference between the two.

Fuck buddies, are bare aquaintances that get together mainly to fuck. Friends with benifits are actually friends.

I didn't think I would be into it, until I disouvered the difference. I'm open to Friends with benifits, and have been for awhile.

The problem is, everyone seems to have a different idea of what a good friend is. I find that most people think it still means, aquaintances. Unfortunately for me. I think it might be an online thing too, most people don't want anything on the real side ... online. Distance between people, makes it a place for a more casual relationship.

If it was a good friend, and we actually cared about each other, I'd be very open to friends with benifits. That would include, phone sex and perhaps real life meeting if possible because the distance isn't to great.

 

[lickwizard]

the best of benefits

come with the best of friends. What you are saying is totally understandable. I also agree with the difference between "fuck buddies" and "friends with benefits"

The best sex I have ever had, and the best relationships I have had in my 52 years have always began as "friends" I could babble on explaining but I think if someone needs an explanation....they would never understand, I hope you find what you are seeking.....a good friend with great benefits is a true gift.

 

[Lorelei_11]

come with the best of friends. What you are saying is totally understandable. I also agree with the difference between "fuck buddies" and "friends with benefits"

The best sex I have ever had, and the best relationships I have had in my 52 years have always began as "friends" I could babble on explaining but I think if someone needs an explanation....they would never understand, I hope you find what you are seeking.....a good friend with great benefits is a true gift.

Thanks, I figure its a long shot, its been a long time and no one has been on the same page as me. Or, we found we were sexually incompatable.

I agree, I think you're right. It would be a very good thing to have a friend like that.

Thanks for the rose.

For me, it has to be someone I'm dating or friends with benifits. It has to be a close caring relationship, or I just don't have enough desire for them to want sex with them.

 

[Lorelei_11]

A bit about me.


I like variety in almost everything. I enjoy cooking and I'm a good cook. I write poetry and songs. I haven't read a book in ages but I'am now, a Sylvia Brown Book. She's a well known pyschic. I love movies. I generally listen to top 40 music, no rap or blues jazz though. This past year I started to listen to country exclusivley for the first time in my life. I needed the down to earth, easy going basic very natural songs about life. I have several opposite sides, which seem like a contradiction but they're not. One example, I'm very logical and rational, yet have my very passionate romantic side.

I'm dealing with several health problems and slowly getting better, and getting through it. When I'm better I'm going back to college to take a course in Accounting managment.

 

[gagginforit]

Hi there. I can totally understand where you're coming from, but I'm not sure it's possible to find a real, true friend on line. In my experience no matter how close you get, or how much you think that person is a true friend they will always just drop you without a word, and apparently without a second thought when someone enters their real life, or you outlive your usefulness.

Maybe that's just me, I don't know. Maybe I've just had a run of bad luck and lots of people have more positive experiences. I'm saying this to encourage you to find someone in real life. I think you can certainly have exactly what you're looking for, and I hope you find it. It sounds really great.

None of this helps your situation at all, though. I just wanted to be a voice of encouragement and say I agree with how great a true FWB would be.

Good luck.

 

[Lorelei_11]

Hi there. I can totally understand where you're coming from, but I'm not sure it's possible to find a real, true friend on line. In my experience no matter how close you get, or how much you think that person is a true friend they will always just drop you without a word, and apparently without a second thought when someone enters their real life, or you outlive your usefulness.

Maybe that's just me, I don't know. Maybe I've just had a run of bad luck and lots of people have more positive experiences. I'm saying this to encourage you to find someone in real life. I think you can certainly have exactly what you're looking for, and I hope you find it. It sounds really great.

None of this helps your situation at all, though. I just wanted to be a voice of encouragement and say I agree with how great a true FWB would be.

Good luck.

Thats pretty sad, but it does make sense. Online, people don't have to display the same decency and manners they have to in real life, so because they can get away with it, they are extremely rude, and uncaring.

You're right, real life is better. I'm open to both, real life and online. I'll see what happens.

I'm going through health problems, and when I'm better, will be going to college and working. Its doubtful I will have the time to meet anyone in real life for a very long time. FWB would be a good thing for sure.

 

[Lorelei_11]

I love phone sex. Its been ages since I've had any.

Sexually, I like a guy to be typically dominant in the bedroom. Like a dance, someone leads, someone follows. I'd like him to lead. On occassion, about 10% of the time, I get really horny and will approach a guy for sex, in more than a cute sweet flirty way. In a very direct way, as in, I'll come up to him, touch, and kiss him. Slide my hand down his stomach and caress him through his pants. Then, unbutton and unzip him. At that point, I want him to take over.

So, I'm not into a submissive guy in the bedroom.

 

[Vampladydi]

I'm not sure it's possible to find a real, true friend on line. In my experience no matter how close you get, or how much you think that person is a true friend they will always just drop you without a word, and apparently without a second thought when someone enters their real life, or you outlive your usefulness.

You meet people like that IRL too, it's not exclusive to online friends. A "real, true" friend is a gift when you find them...no matter where or how you first meet.

I initially met some of my closest and dearest friends online (and I'm not talking about the "with benefits" kind)...and they probably know me better than the friends who see me each and every day.

In either case...you have to be "friends" first...and if the "benefits" follow...great! And if not...so what?

And...can we really expect anyone to stay in our lives forever? People, friends, lovers (and even spouses...LOL) come and go...is that necessarily a bad thing? How does that go...People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime?

Good luck, Lorelei...I truly hope you find that special friend!

 

[Lorelei_11]

You meet people like that IRL too, it's not exclusive to online friends. A "real, true" friend is a gift when you find them...no matter where or how you first meet.

I initially met some of my closest and dearest friends online (and I'm not talking about the "with benefits" kind)...and they probably know me better than the friends who see me each and every day.

In either case...you have to be "friends" first...and if the "benefits" follow...great! And if not...so what?

And...can we really expect anyone to stay in our lives forever? People, friends, lovers (and even spouses...LOL) come and go...is that necessarily a bad thing? How does that go...People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime?

Good luck, Lorelei...I truly hope you find that special friend!

You know, I was thinking that myself when I posted to him earlier. I couldn't think of a good way to put it, like you have. People do eventually come and go. Its rare when we find someone thats a lifetime friend. So, long term friend is a good thing if you ask me.

I had one friend here that I was close with, but he passed away last August. I've been lonely here since then. He was the only one that consistantly kept up with me here. Everyone else is only around on occassion, I never really know when. I miss him.

Thanks, I appreciate that.

 

[Vampladydi]

You're most welcome!

 

[Lorelei_11]

You're most welcome!

I've really had no luck, but they say, put out what you're looking for into the universe and eventually it will find you.

So, I thought, why not?

 

[edunhm76]

Yeah, it's really tough in this day and age to distinguish what is a FWB or a FB. Back in college, I had a FWB that was fun for awhile...but then emotions got involved, jealousy occured...it wasn't pretty. In that case, we should have just said "Fuck it! Let's start a committed relationship" Also had a FB as well, which was VERY fun......but those only last so long.

It has also been ages since I had GREAT phone sex....damn do I miss it....

 

[Vampladydi]

I've really had no luck, but they say, put out what you're looking for into the universe and eventually it will find you.

So, I thought, why not?

...and it usually finds you when you're not seeking it, and when you least expect it!

 

[Lorelei_11]

Yeah, it's really tough in this day and age to distinguish what is a FWB or a FB. Back in college, I had a FWB that was fun for awhile...but then emotions got involved, jealousy occured...it wasn't pretty. In that case, we should have just said "Fuck it! Let's start a committed relationship" Also had a FB as well, which was VERY fun......but those only last so long.

It has also been ages since I had GREAT phone sex....damn do I miss it....

I understand what you're saying. Yet, there has to be emotions and feelings involved for me.

Thats why I think its best if there is some reason that would make it impossible to date. Like, a long distance from each other, a big age difference. Something like that, so you know from the start, it will remain friends.

Me too..... I miss phone sex. It was much better than I thought it would be.

 

[edunhm76]

That's a pretty smart idea you have. Age difference is interesting but definitely a long distance relationship of some sort would be healthy. Not close enough to see each other all the time, no strong ties and when you do see each other it's more meaningful and enjoyable. I think you are on to something....

Yes, phone sex is great. If you find the right person to share it with. I've had awesome phone where it's very detailed and erotic...and crappy phone where I did all the talking and had her hang up after she came! lol Well...I guess it was good for her anyway.....

 

[Lorelei_11]

...and it usually finds you when you're not seeking it, and when you least expect it!

I think that can happen, but I'm more of a believer in keeping an eye out, and putting out there what you're looking for.

 

[Lorelei_11]

That's a pretty smart idea you have. Age difference is interesting but definitely a long distance relationship of some sort would be healthy. Not close enough to see each other all the time, no strong ties and when you do see each other it's more meaningful and enjoyable. I think you are on to something....

Yes, phone sex is great. If you find the right person to share it with. I've had awesome phone where it's very detailed and erotic...and crappy phone where I did all the talking and had her hang up after she came! lol Well...I guess it was good for her anyway.....

Hmm.. I'm not sure what you mean by no strong ties. Like I said, feelings would be involved for me, thats the only way I could do it.

Yes, I think if there is a valid reason you can't date, then the jealousy wouldn't come into the picture.

I've only had good phone sex. One of the few ways that I've been lucky. Sorry to hear that, sounds like it really sucked, the bad phone sex. Very very rude.

 

[roff67]

I knew one girl who never spoke during sex, was very quiet and shy, but when I moved away and we started having phone sex she really came out of her shell. It forced her to really open up and be more expressive. It was a great experience for both of us.

 

[Lorelei_11]

I knew one girl who never spoke during sex, was very quiet and shy, but when I moved away and we started having phone sex she really came out of her shell. It forced her to really open up and be more expressive. It was a great experience for both of us.

Wow, thats great that it worked that way for you.

It can be hard to tell the person you're with the kinkier things you're into. Its easier to do online.

I need a very good open sexual relationship. I think sex should be enjoyed to its fullest. I was actually thinking of exchanging sexy email, when dating someone in town. Hot erotic stories, to let them know what I'm into, see if we're compatable.

So, I think next time, I'm going to suggest that. It will make it easier to express.

 

[roff67]

Wow, that's a great idea, I've never thought of that. It's always tough to really open up and show your really kinky side. Too many people are judgemental. If a woman tells me something I'm not into I try to be open minded and supportive. I may not be into that particular thing, but I appreciate her opening up and trying.

 

[Lorelei_11]

Wow, that's a great idea, I've never thought of that. It's always tough to really open up and show your really kinky side. Too many people are judgemental. If a woman tells me something I'm not into I try to be open minded and supportive. I may not be into that particular thing, but I appreciate her opening up and trying.

Thanks.

I'm open minded, and open minded sexually. Very much so, but I used to be sexually repressed. Its definately not easy to have a conversation about kinky sex.

Thats good that you would do that, and not be judgemental, I'm like that too.

I wish the whole world could be having the hottest sex that really, really turns them on.

There would probably be less wars. lol

 

[roff67]

I've always figured, that once you decide that someone's good enough to have sex with, there's not much point in holding back. So you might as well put it all out there.
Of course saying that and actually following through are two different things.
I read what you wrote earlier about FWB, never had much luck with keeping it just that, it's always turned into more for me. Usually for the good.

 

[lickwizard]

online and on phone

I will admit that there are many people who do pretend to be something they are not online. However I have also found that online is one of the best ways to meet new friends. There are a few people out here in cyberland that do write with integrity. Over time it isn't hard to figure out who is real and isn't.....the trouble with making stuff up is one has to remember everything ever said.

What turns into being good about online friendships (if being honest with selves and each other) is...without all the trappings of appearance, location, all the external factors.....both people get into each others heads....becoming connected on an intellectual and emotional level before ever meeting physically.
Doesn't the best sex begin in the brain? the most sexual organ we possess the brain? it all starts and ends there. We meet people we'd never have met because of the internet. We can fall into love and/or lust with someone we never would have because of it.....either the distance, or maybe the person does not look like someone we would have been interested in had we just seen them in public. Online allowed that "emotional" connection that takes us past that.

The same thing is what makes phone sex so great ( and those that say they don't like phone sex, have never had great phone sex) it becomes a total thing of the mind......a sharing of the most intimate feelings, desires.....it opens each other up to the point they usually begin to share fantasies.....something far to many people never do with their partners when physically together.

You'll find what you're looking for, and I gotta agree....it will just happen when you least expect it....who knows? it could be right in front of you, only you're looking so hard you don't see it. That's the only problem with life....sometimes we want it now, and can't have it till later.....you just gotta have faith. You have much to offer and it will be a lucky man to receive it .

 

[Lorelei_11]

I've always figured, that once you decide that someone's good enough to have sex with, there's not much point in holding back. So you might as well put it all out there.
Of course saying that and actually following through are two different things.
I read what you wrote earlier about FWB, never had much luck with keeping it just that, it's always turned into more for me. Usually for the good.

We're a repressed society, most people don't tell the person they're with about the kinkier sex they would want to have, for fear of judgement, loss of the relationship, or exposure of their personal sexual preferences. It sad, because then we don't get to experience the hottest sex.

People can agree on leaving it open to more if they choose. Sometimes, factors such as large age difference or distance can make it not possible to leave it open to more than friends with benifits.

 

[Lorelei_11]

I will admit that there are many people who do pretend to be something they are not online. However I have also found that online is one of the best ways to meet new friends. There are a few people out here in cyberland that do write with integrity. Over time it isn't hard to figure out who is real and isn't.....the trouble with making stuff up is one has to remember everything ever said.

What turns into being good about online friendships (if being honest with selves and each other) is...without all the trappings of appearance, location, all the external factors.....both people get into each others heads....becoming connected on an intellectual and emotional level before ever meeting physically.
Doesn't the best sex begin in the brain? the most sexual organ we possess the brain? it all starts and ends there. We meet people we'd never have met because of the internet. We can fall into love and/or lust with someone we never would have because of it.....either the distance, or maybe the person does not look like someone we would have been interested in had we just seen them in public. Online allowed that "emotional" connection that takes us past that.

The same thing is what makes phone sex so great ( and those that say they don't like phone sex, have never had great phone sex) it becomes a total thing of the mind......a sharing of the most intimate feelings, desires.....it opens each other up to the point they usually begin to share fantasies.....something far to many people never do with their partners when physically together.

You'll find what you're looking for, and I gotta agree....it will just happen when you least expect it....who knows? it could be right in front of you, only you're looking so hard you don't see it. That's the only problem with life....sometimes we want it now, and can't have it till later.....you just gotta have faith. You have much to offer and it will be a lucky man to receive it .

Its interesting what you're saying about that emotional connection, and that if not for meeting online and developing that, you probably wouldn't connect with them in person. Thats kind of cool, yet.. it is necessary to have a physical attraction to someone. So, I'd say it would be someone I'am attracted to, but for some reason wouldnt end up connecting with.

I'm attracted to average, regular guys. They are my preference. I have a wide range of taste in looks for men.

I prefer the guy to pursue me. I may notice people, and engage them, but I want him to pursue me. I keep an eye out, and I do see what is in front of me.

Thanks for the compliment.