Long Lost Sherlock Holmes Manuscripts Discovered!

[breakwall]

Recently, a cache of papers were released to the public from the estate of Arthur Conan Doyle. While most of the documents were personal papers, business files and some correspondence, there were a few treasures uncovered. A number of Sherlock Holmes manuscripts turned up, some finished, some incomplete and many just merely sketches of plot outlines. But they were for the most part rejected, all set aside for one reason or another.

A sample:



"The Case of the Gentlemen's Club Spyhole"

note from editor:

Doyle, it seems that Holmes spends entirely too much time in the WC 'observing'. What in blazes would a man be observing by peering into the locker room of a gentlemen's club? Is he scrutinizing the men as they disrobe, looking for a distinguishing tattoo or birthmark? Please clarify.

 

[breakwall]

"The Case of the Hirsute Diva"

note from editor:

Doyle, I understand that it is important for Holmes to go undercover to get inside the corrupt Opera Company, but I don't see why it would be necessary for him to wear the gown outside of the theater company. Especially in the comfort of his own home. And really, Doyle, three pages on the quality of the fabric is a bit much. I also am unclear as to why Watson must wear the dog collar and chain. I have reread the manuscript, but I can't seem to find any reference to it. I must be missing some pages.

 

[breakwall]

"The Mystery of the Magic Halls of Pulsing Light"

note from editor:

Doyle, what the blazes is this? The first scene opens with Holmes preparing a syringe of some sort, then he recites a seven page poem that generously plagiarizes Samuel T. Coleridge. After that Holmes chases a smoke-breathing elf through a poppy field and gets trapped inside a rainbow. This is sheer silliness, Doyle. The Strand has asked for a few chapters, but I'm not giving them this. You'll be laughed out of the Adventurer's Club and I won't be able to get into Hellfire without a schoolboy.

 

[gman23]

'The case of the 7% solution"

note from the editor

Doyle, This manuscript is totally unintelligible . You been spending too much time with that crazy physcoanalyst in Vienna.
get some sleep man!

 

[Lost Cause]

"Journey through a Glory Hole"

Anyway, I heard that was one of the transcripts.....

 

[breakwall]

But wait, Glory Hole Alleluia, there's more!



"The Case of the Extremely Rich and Aromatic "Birmingham Tweed" Brand Tobacco Package"

note from editor:

The story itself is good, but there seems to be a bit of a concentration of somewhat unimportant details. I excerpt an example: "Holmes reclined in his chair and opened a fresh, aromatic packet of Birmingham Tweed Special Dark Blend Tobacco. He tamped a bit of the rich smelling leaf into his pipe and kindled it. As the deep and full-bodied puffs of smoke filled the room with a luxuriously heady scent of high-quality tobacco, Holmes allowed himself a satisfied smile. 'You know Watson,' he said, turning to the good doctor, 'for five pence a pack, you just can't get a more rich and full-flavoured smoke. You should go down to Hastings and Wicketts on Camden and pick yourself a package up today.'"

Truly, I understand your desire for realism, Doyle and it's commendable. But I think we could edit out some of these more mundane details.

 

[breakwall]

"The Case of the Intolerable Wench"

note from editor:

Not your best work, Doyle. I only received the first few chapters but the plot seems to go nowhere. A woman screaming at her husband about money, clothes and the general state of the manor is not exactly a thrilling tale. And I don't think the reading public is interested in this woman's mental capabilities or lack thereof, the exact placement of moles on her face, or the fact that her parents may have been related prior to their marriage. Is there any mystery at all? It's been thirty-two pages and Sherlock Holmes hasn't even made an entrance yet. I do hate to pry into your personal affairs, Doyle, but would the recent separation from Mrs. Doyle have anything to do with this?

 

[breakwall]

"The Mystery of Watson's Drunken Bender"

note from editor:

Well, Doyle, this is a fine piece of bin liner. Clearly by the state of the handwriting on the manuscript this is a thinly veiled autobiographical work. Shape up, Art or we'll find you a ghost-writer. I believe Bernie Shaw has some time on his hands.

 

[breakwall]

After this one, the notes came from a different editor.



"The Case of the Bludgeoned Editor"

note from editor: Ha ha, very funny Doyle. My wife got her hands on a copy of this manuscript and forced me to put locks on all the windows and purchase a dog. If you're not careful, I'll make sure the only words you're writing are the obituaries for the London Daily Mail.

 

[Cleopatra]

Ahhh... Doyle, we hardly knew ye...

 

[just pet]

Lost documents like this should always be front page news

 

[RoryN]

Lost documents like this should always be front page news

I'm not sure young people even know how to hold a newspaper.

 

[just pet]

I'm not sure young people even know how to hold a newspaper.

I suspect they have only been swatted on the behind with it

 

[breakwall]

i don't care. I really liked this thread.

 

[bg23]

me too.

did you write that yourself?

 

[Equinoxe]

This thread should have done much better than it appears to have in the first run.

 

[LoisLane]

i don't care. I really liked this thread.

And just when I was going to start a thread called "where is breakwall".....you magically appear.....wow

 

[breakwall]

me too.

did you write that yourself?

i had some time on my hands. In between frantic masturbatory sessions.

 

[breakwall]

And just when I was going to start a thread called "where is breakwall".....you magically appear.....wow

with an ancient thread. I'm so lazy.

 

[LoisLane]

with an ancient thread. I'm so lazy.

Yeah, it takes alot to google.

 

[The Mutt]

The Case of the Love That Shall Not Speak Its Name

I was sleeping soundly in my bed, when I felt a warm hand on my nether-parts. I opened my eyes to see Holmes standing over me. He said, "Watson, come quickly."
I said, "Is the game afoot?"
He said, "No, i just want you to come quickly."

 

[breakwall]

Yeah, it takes alot to google.

I was just perusing some old threads and i came upon this one. I had completely forgotten about it too.

I've got other ones similar to this: Little Known James Bond Movies. Fake News. Recasting Old Sitcoms.

I used to be quite funny back in the day.

 

[bg23]

i had some time on my hands. In between frantic masturbatory sessions.

i your threads.

 

[Equinoxe]

I was just perusing some old threads and i came upon this one. I had completely forgotten about it too.

I've got other ones similar to this: Little Known James Bond Movies. Fake News. Recasting Old Sitcoms.

I used to be quite funny back in the day.

Being rather bored, now I've gone back looking at some of those -- I liked the Forgotten James Bond Movies.

 

[LoisLane]

I was just perusing some old threads and i came upon this one. I had completely forgotten about it too.

I've got other ones similar to this: Little Known James Bond Movies. Fake News. Recasting Old Sitcoms.

I used to be quite funny back in the day.

I never EVER read any of your old threads.....well except for the ones about sex.