Long distance

[TheEarl]

Was reading the Romance.net thread and was amazed by the number of people who have found love over the internet.

I personally can't think of much worse than falling in love with someone from this site. Love, I'm all in favour of and I have no problems with internet dating as a principle. The thing that bothers me is that anyone I'd find on Lit would be so bloody far away.

I can think of nothing worse than loving someone and knowing they're hundreds of miles away from you. When you get a phone call and something's wrong, you can't go right over there and wrap your arms around her, all you can do is listen and offer platitudes. I couldn't stand to be away from my former Lady for more than about 2 weeks at a time. Even more than a couple of days was hell (and hell for anyone who had to be around me) and that only happened a few times a year during university holidays.

Svenska is the person who I have a huge amount of respect for. We tease her about hubby's visits and about her buying up an Ann Summers chain, but I can't imagine ever going through what she must when they're apart.

I know love's never logical, but I can't see myself ever wanting to hurt because I would only get to hold my love in my arms when she visits. Anyone explain the benefits, or have you just ended up that way through circumstance?

The Earl

 

[English Lady]

The joy of a long distance relationship is in it not being able to get too close. Least it was when I was a teen. I had two long distance relationships. One with a lad from Bury (just up the road) and one with a lad whoeventully went back to America. I enjoyed the sweet torture of knowing I had someone but couldn't really be with them. I didn't have to worry about that whole relationship thing.

Well thats how it was when i was still at school.

I was lucky. When I met my now husband he lived in Birmingham (same country*L*) and soon after he moved up to liverpool, an hour or so away from where I lived in Manchester.

It wasn't a choice to have a long distance relationship it just happened that way and it often was heartbreaking. We saw each other every weekend. once we had a period of 3 weeks when we couldn't see each other. it was torture and the longest period of time we've spent apart.

I definitely prefer it now he's living with me

 

[Belegon]

I never managed to pull one off. my three attempts at managing long distance relationships all ended in disaster. one in high school, two in college.

 

[oggbashan]

I had a long distance relationship when I was too young for Literotica but old enough for it to be legal in the UK.

I went to Australia for two years. During that time my girlfriend and I exchanged letters at least once a fortnight. We told each other about our successes, our failures, what had touched us.

At that time telephoning between Australia and the UK was impossibly expensive.

When I returned we met and found that we had grown apart. That was no great surprise to either of us. There were hints in our correspondence that we were not as compatible as we thought (after a whole 3 months) we were when I left.

She had put her current relationship on hold for a couple of weeks so that we could see if there was anything left of the spark there had been. There wasn't.

We remained friends for many years partly because we understood each other from our long correspondence. The love we thought we had had would probably have run its course in a few months. The separation delayed the inevitable break-up until it was the recognition that the passion had died long before.

Were we faithful to each other for those two years? What do you think?

Og

 

[cantdog]

Two frickin years? I should hope not.

It's not impossible, long-distance things. Just really low odds.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I've had long distance relationships in the past, and have been in one for the last few months.

My first LDR didn't start that way; we had been together for a year before we were separated during grad school. That worked well for me as I could have the whole week to concentrate on school work and then have the weekend free to be with him. The longing was really hard; I hated to even catch a glimpse of people walking around holding hands. Phone calls and letters helped, and when we did have visits, they were extremely passionate. But EL is right - distance does prevent you from getting too close. Maybe that's why it worked for me at the time.

More recently, I've ended up in LDR's with people that I've met while traveling for my job. I spent more time away than at home, so 'away' is where I met people. Those never lasted very long, though. It's very difficult to begin a relationship as a LDR because you're in an artificially constructed world. It's romantic at first, but then you realize you're not really a part of each other's lives, not fully.

My current relationship is a joy, but we've been friends for over 15 years and have only recently realized that we want to be together again. It's not the worst thing in the world for us to be 2000 miles apart right now. It's giving us a chance to take this a little more slowly than we would otherwise, and I think that's helping us absorb all these feelings that are welling up. We're both scaredy-cats about love, so maybe that's why this is ok.

Phone, email, and lots of frequent flyer miles is working for now. Passionate reunions along the lines of Svenska and her husband are fabulous. You end up clearing your calendar and are 100% focused on each other during the time you have (and squeezing in as much great sex as you can)!

But I can see that I'm going to have to make a decision about moving sooner rather than later - it's too hard to get the recommended daily allowance of hugs and kisses from afar.

 

[rgraham666]

I'm in sort of a LDR at the moment.

Since it's the closest thing I've had to a relationship in over a decade, I'm enjoying it.

Are we ever going to get together for real? Will our feelings last? I haven't the slightest idea. And I don't care.

I'm getting a chance to display a part of me that I rarely get to exercise. I get to be warm and loving and receive the same in return. I'm making her happy and enjoying myself.

What more could I ask for?

 

[LadyJeanne]

I get to be warm and loving and receive the same in return. I'm making her happy and enjoying myself.

What more could I ask for?

That's as good as it gets, regardless of distance. Enjoy, dearest!

 

[lucky-E-leven]

I certainly wasn't looking for love when I found it, nor was I eager to make such an intense connection over such a great distance. I think the only real benefits of falling in love via inernet occur during the beginning of the relationship. Being separated by the miles has given us the opportunity to really communicate. I already have one failed relationship to my credit and lacking communication was perhaps the largest contributor. Now the only way I can feel closer to her sometimes is to share a little bit more of myself, when I might not be inclined to do so if I could get a hug instead.

Another bonus is that you learn some of the mechanics of the way your partner communicates. When you're with someone face to face, you can read their body language and expressions and have a pretty good idea of what they're feeling/saying. Without that, you pay closer attention to the core of the person you're speaking with and learn of the deeper motivations behind the things they say. I find that oddly romantic and comforting because it makes constant talk during our time together pretty useless. We can just be.

It does hurt to be apart. It also makes the time you spend together very meaningful & rarely taken for granted. I don't think the distance has hurt our relationship at all, but I also hope that we're able to arrange/rearrange our lives in a way that allows me to be there for her every time I want to. I make it a point to be there when she absolutely needs me and that's been good for us, I think. We've learned how to determine our needs from our wants and rank them accordingly.

It's often an ideal situation in the beginning and a true test to see if you have what it takes to work that hard to stay together, if it's worth it to you or not. Complacency kills love faster than almost anything. There's no denying the reality of my feelings when I have to put so much effort into our visits and don't feel put out in the least.



~lucky

p.s. The true bitch of Long Distance Relationships is having kids that you can't support by attending recitals, helping with homework, separating catfights, listening with care, bandaging scrapes, kissing goodnight, etc...

 

[she_is_my_addiction]

Me - America

Her - Australia

 

[sweetnpetite]

Long distance flirting works much better



Long distance relationships work best if they are 'open' which only works if the people in it can be non-possesive. At least, that's my opinion. I'm one who needs to be held and so forth. I doubt I could sustain a full term, manogomous, long distance relationship. It's hard enough when you have to be away from each other for a few weeks or months occasionally.

 

[Liar]

I had a long distnce relationship going on for a year and a half with a girl who lived about 400 miles away. Which is not an impossible distance (a few hours by train, or something like that) if you have the means to travel. But we were both pretty much broke and could hardly afford the phone bills.

I wouldn't say it ended in a disaster. It was more like we called eachother less and less. And then when we finally met up again, we just took a look at eachother and nodded in agreement, knowing that we weren't really an item anymore.

#L

 

[Elsie Grey]

Well as you of all my friends should know I don't seem to be able to do anything else! I hate it when Jack isn't here but lots of experience has taught me coping mechanisms so I can survive in between him coming home each time!

Firstly, I try not to go for more than 3 weeks without seeing him. Secondly, I have a t-shirt of his that smells of him to cuddle (or wear!) at night. Thirdly, I make sure theres a huge calendar nearby to mark the days off on. Fourthly I try and keep really busy when he's not here (training 3 times a week and seeing my friends the other 2 nights does for the week and my weekends seem to fill themselves!) and lastly we text almost continuously and phone each other as often as we can as well as wirting to each other! That way we're almost constantly im communication so I don't feel like we're growing apart.

Also don't be afraid to cry, I cry sometimes when I really miss him, but one of my friends will normally be there for me, or I'll go do an erg or sometihing, sort my head out and feeling much more able to cope with it!

As they say 'Love conquers all'

Elsie

xxx

 

[Guest]

As far as the reality of keeping a relationship going strong, I don't know that it matters much whether it's a long-distance romance or a good friendship.

The brother I am closest to in the most basic ways of our core persona left the states in 1982. He lived in Japan for nearly 18 years then moved to Vienna, Austria several years ago. In those 23 years he's come home just a few times for perhaps a week to two weeks at a time (and needed to make the rounds of other family and friends). I never went to Japan but I've visited him in Vienna twice now, last saw him in Venice two years ago.

Anyway, before email (not all that long ago) we collected boxes of letters between us, writing an average of two to three times a week. I mean real letters, long letters, hours-to-write letters. We did it cos we needed to stay in touch, be close, know what we were thinking and feeling, going through, etc. We virtually lived through each other's joys and sorrows. We've continued the same correspondence in emails, and I've printed and saved every one.

Similarly, my oldest best friend moved to Australia some 20 years ago. Before that she lived in England for a few years. All that time we wrote constantly, consistently. In my letters to her one could read the story of my life.

My point? Communication is essential in human relations, the means can vary. As for romance or marriage via long-distance, hopefully it won't be as long-endured as twenty years for most.

Perdita

 

[herecomestherain]

The tyranny of distance brings it's own bittersweet blessings.