Long distance relationships?

[AlmostInnocent]

Do they work? Is there anyone here who is involved in a long distance relationship and able to make it last.

I am hoping that what I have in my life won't end anytime in the near future but I am kind of worried because he lives so far from me. I don't mean a two or three hour drive, I am talking about a plane trip or a days worth of driving in the car, halfway cross country. He has become such a huge part of my life and I adore him to pieces, probably more than he knows. The idea of not being able to be with him more than once every month or two drives me absolutely crazy. We stay in constant contact through instant messenger services, and of course our way of being intimate is phone sex which is better than any real sex I've ever experienced.

It is not an issue of being faithful, I know in my heart that I would never even remotely consider betraying him. I guess I am just worried about having that kind of distance between us. Worried about the possibility of not being able to keep our feelings alive across the miles. Worried that someday I may loose the best thing that has ever come into my life.

So if anyone here is involved in a long distance relationship and can give me pointers, even reassurance that it can work and work well, that would be greatly appriciated.


AlI

 

[ltnsfr007]

Do they work? Is there anyone here who is involved in a long distance relationship and able to make it last.

I am hoping that what I have in my life won't end anytime in the near future but I am kind of worried because he lives so far from me. I don't mean a two or three hour drive, I am talking about a plane trip or a days worth of driving in the car, halfway cross country. He has become such a huge part of my life and I adore him to pieces, probably more than he knows. The idea of not being able to be with him more than once every month or two drives me absolutely crazy. We stay in constant contact through instant messenger services, and of course our way of being intimate is phone sex which is better than any real sex I've ever experienced.

It is not an issue of being faithful, I know in my heart that I would never even remotely consider betraying him. I guess I am just worried about having that kind of distance between us. Worried about the possibility of not being able to keep our feelings alive across the miles. Worried that someday I may loose the best thing that has ever come into my life.

So if anyone here is involved in a long distance relationship and can give me pointers, even reassurance that it can work and work well, that would be greatly appriciated.


AlI

NEVER
Not a normal one anyways

 

[AlmostInnocent]

NEVER
Not a normal one anyways

well my relationship with him is FAR from normal so I would like to think we are the exception to that rule

 

[Trombonus]

I was in one for 2 1/2 years. It was rough but things were ok for us. To be honest, yes the relationship ended, but it really didn't have anything to do with the distance. Yes it was a big concern for us, but there were other things stressing our relationship.

I met her online in a Yahoo Group Chat Room, which is sort of like a chat room for a specific group of club members. Anyways, I'm in Cali and she's in NC, and we became fast friends. She was with someone when we first met, but that relationship ended and I helped her through it. Anyway, one day she told me she really liked me, and I had my concerns, but I asked her to be my gf. Of the two and a half years we were together we saw each other approximately 3 weeks. We'd talk on IM mostly, and the phone. Things were good, but she kinda went crazy on me. Like she became obsessed with getting me to marry her. We'd both just started college and I told her repeatedly that I wanted to wait until I was out of college, and we were living in the same state. It's sad when I think of it. If she hadn't pushed it so hard I more than likely would have moved out there to be with her. Anyways, one thing led to another and we ended up breaking up. In my heart I know that it was absolutely necessary for us to break up. We both needed to grow up and mature, and I know that experience definitely helped me in the long run. Now we hardly ever talk anymore.

Stay out of long distance relationships if you or your partner are not willing to eventually move into the same area together.

 

[cloudy]

They can work.

That said, one of you has to be willing to move sometime in the future for it to continue to work.

There will be LOTS of rough spots. There will be times you want to call it quits out of sheer frustration. But, in the long run, if the love you have for each other is real, it will work.

I'm going on six years in a LDR, and planning on moving there permanently by Christmas. (keep your fingers crossed)

 

[neonlyte]

I'm also a YES, but our circumstances are very different from yours, and we know it is only temporary. Besides which, we do spend about half the year together spread across the year.

I think you can stretch it just so far without making the committment to be together, after that, it snaps.

 

[rgraham666]

If I get one to work I'll let you know.

 

[AlmostInnocent]

We are just in the beginning stages of this crazy thing so we've not really discussed the option of moving. Right now that is not an option for either of us, he has his real life and I have mine. But he is coming to see me soon, and going to try to make another trip out for my birthday. I am planning to go see him in his home state in May or June and we are trying to make further plans for the summer. I know that eventually one of us would have to make the move, and that is what scares me because if we can't, well then I know what that would mean and it would tear into my heart and soul.

Cloudy I am so glad to hear that you can make it work, thank you for sharing.

Trombonus I am so sorry that it didn't work out for you but thank you for sharing your story.

All of you are great help, thank you so much for indulging me.


AlI

 

[Trombonus]

Trombonus I am so sorry that it didn't work out for you but thank you for sharing your story.

Sure thing. It was a life experience and I'm better off because of it.

 

[Munachi]

to this question (whether long distance works out) my question always is: when do you consider that a relationship "worked out"? most relationships end at some point, if at all, only one relationship in your life will last the rest of your life.

i did have a three-year long distance relationship (first year berlin-prague, the other two years berlin-US), and it had its difficulties, some of which were related to the distance, others not. it ended in part because of the distance - but the reason was also that the other one didn't put as much work into it as was necessary due to distance (at least that is my take on it, thinking back now) - but then, work is necessary in any relationship...

and it was, despite the distance, my longest relationship so far. even if you only consider the time we spent together (maybe nine or ten months), it was my longest relationship... it ended, it hurt when it ended, looking back i see a lot of problems - yet i don't consider the whole relationship unsuccesful or a failure. so, in that sense, it did "work out" for the three years it lasted.

(anyway, this isn't meant to sound angry... just the thoughts that came into my head...)

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I don't even think about people living over an hour drive from me as being date-able. That excludes New York City which is technically only 25 miles from me (it might as well be another country with the hassels I have to go through to get there).

 

[espeteroh]

Do they work? Is there anyone here who is involved in a long distance relationship and able to make it last.

I am hoping that what I have in my life won't end anytime in the near future but I am kind of worried because he lives so far from me. I don't mean a two or three hour drive, I am talking about a plane trip or a days worth of driving in the car, halfway cross country. He has become such a huge part of my life and I adore him to pieces, probably more than he knows. The idea of not being able to be with him more than once every month or two drives me absolutely crazy. We stay in constant contact through instant messenger services, and of course our way of being intimate is phone sex which is better than any real sex I've ever experienced.

It is not an issue of being faithful, I know in my heart that I would never even remotely consider betraying him. I guess I am just worried about having that kind of distance between us. Worried about the possibility of not being able to keep our feelings alive across the miles. Worried that someday I may loose the best thing that has ever come into my life.

So if anyone here is involved in a long distance relationship and can give me pointers, even reassurance that it can work and work well, that would be greatly appriciated.


AlI

I was involved one. I'm in Boston and she, at the time, was in Anaheim, CA. Every other week I flew out there. This went on for months but as a love relationship it was doomed. That was 1988 when it started. We're best of friends today albeit still at a great distance. I believe we did it backwards, the lasting relationship wasn't the one in particular we orginally desired but it's oh so much better.

 

[JamesSD]

Do they work? Is there anyone here who is involved in a long distance relationship and able to make it last.

I am hoping that what I have in my life won't end anytime in the near future but I am kind of worried because he lives so far from me. I don't mean a two or three hour drive, I am talking about a plane trip or a days worth of driving in the car, halfway cross country. He has become such a huge part of my life and I adore him to pieces, probably more than he knows. The idea of not being able to be with him more than once every month or two drives me absolutely crazy. We stay in constant contact through instant messenger services, and of course our way of being intimate is phone sex which is better than any real sex I've ever experienced.

It is not an issue of being faithful, I know in my heart that I would never even remotely consider betraying him. I guess I am just worried about having that kind of distance between us. Worried about the possibility of not being able to keep our feelings alive across the miles. Worried that someday I may loose the best thing that has ever come into my life.

So if anyone here is involved in a long distance relationship and can give me pointers, even reassurance that it can work and work well, that would be greatly appriciated.

Some people can make them work.

They're hard. I'll give my honest take on when they usually work and don't.

Good chance to Work:
A year or less.
There's a definite end point, when the two people will be living together.
Couple has been together physically in the same city for at least as long as the separation is, ideally twice as long.
Both parties see the relationship potentially ending up in a lasting commitment.

Often Don't work:
Indefinite, undefined time period, or two years or more.
Couple has never lived together in the same city.
Copule was only together for a short period before the separation.

I know there are other factors I'm not thinking of right now, but those are all big ones.

 

[Explaura]

I was in one.. for about 6 months.. We saw eachother about every other weekend.
Then I moved to where he lived.. Because it was my priority to be with him, above the things that were keeping me where I was. It was great, but the more time I spent, I realized that he wasn't who I had thought/hoped/imagined. It is soooo easy to create an illusion about someone, even if you do see them sometimes and talk to them regularly. When you are with that person every day and with them in group situations, you see them in a different light. I guess this can probably mean your relationship deepens, and you can have more reasons to love the person. For me, it was a slow disapointment. Just something to be aware of.

And yes. I think moving is vital. If it is that important to be with the person (which for me it is), you will make the choices neccesary to do it, no matter what. Your choices prove your convictions.

That said. I belive it is possible. So very possible. And I wish you lots and lots and lots of luck and happyness.

 

[matriarch]

I'm English, she's American, and almost as far away from me as could be, in Arizona. We met here, on Lit. We got together when we could, a holiday here, a long weekend there, but then the separation became too much......so I gave up my job, flew out to be with her and we've been together ever since. At the end of my 3 month visitor visa, she gave up her job and flew back to UK with me.

We did this back and forth thing a few times, whiles reorganising our lives, getting divorces, selling houses, applying for special visas, and finally, in August this year, we returned together to the UK, and 3 weeks later were married under the new Civil Partnership for same-sex couples law in UK.

Yes. Long distance relationships do work, if you want them to. For us it just became more important to be together.

 

[Guest]

if u love someone with your whole heart, distance is just another obsticle on your path of being together.

ofcourse LD relationships work. I had one for 7 years. She was in Japan for most of that time and I was in Scotland. We saw each other like every second month and mailed, im'd and phone the other times.

its a hell of a lot of work and it can be damn lonely. and if u want a future together u gotta think about how and where and do something about working towards that.

 

[Alessia Brio]

Ask me again in a year.

 

[TheEarl]

I'm dubious of long-distances myself. I know how difficult it's been to be separated from a girl I was deeply involved with, for even a month, and I personally think there'd be as much pain as pleasure. However, I've seen enough of them work on Lit to know that if there's enough will, there's always a way.

The Earl

 

[Elsie Grey]

I've had a couple and it was never the distance that ended it. My last one ended when he came home as I discouvered I could only cope with small amounts of him and seeing him 24/7 got to much for me! Only you can say whether it will work or not everybdoes circumstances are different.

Elsie

xxx