Long Distance Relationships

[horny_boi]

Hello how is everyone today?

I am in a long distance relationship at the moment. ( long distance as in other side of the world )
It has been like this for about a year and will probably be another year before we will be together again

we love each other very much and are dedicated to each other that is not an issue.

But recently that 'spark' has been fadeing. talking on the phone has happened quite rarely ( once a month maybe? compared to atleast once a day previously) and talking on the internet/e-mail conversation has been quite dull .( also less frequently keeping in contact that way )

The entire situation has affected me emotionally very badly. But i can ignore that until we can be together again.

My problem/question, Is there any way for us to spice up our relationship together from this distance?
Is there any thing we can do together activities or something over the internet? ( she doesn't use lit and i would be too embaressed to ask her to come join She thinks im too horny as it is )
Advice,tips or anything on how to make long distance relationships easier/work is much appreciated also.

 

[CelticFrog]

I have a question for you.

You say that you would be too embarrassed to have her come join lit. But what about forwarding her a link to one of your favorite stories? Or just one that looks like something you'd like to do with her? I don't know if she's much of a reader or not, but in general I would expect that if you pulled up one of the romance category's stories it might be a good lead-in to a more fuck-related one down the line.

I am not surprised to see that the spark is fading after a long time apart. That doesn't mean that it is dying, but in my opinion you're both just frustrated with being apart and sometimes the reminder that you are SO far apart hurts. Military deployments and extended unaccompanied tours can do that, too.

The last paragraph came from the simple sentence that said to me that you are confident in the stability of your relationship. This is good too. Once again using the military (okay, so it's the best example I have) as an example, there are definitely two types of marriages/relationships here. The first and best is like what you describe; faithful partners who can become depressed and frustrated about the distance. Then there are the &#%^#% rassafrassum stupidhead bullshit ones that when the spark kinda dulls a little bit the @%^@$%# (gr) one left behind (or the one who left) go out and try to find a spark elsewhere. I see a lot of that happening right now. I hate it.

SO. You are confident that your relationship is like the first and best one. This is happy and good.

So what do you do?

Take a look at the things you've been writing or saying lately, and what you've received. Is it kinda depressing, WAY lonely sounding, a lot of I miss you and not much else?

Has the humor in your correspondence been lacking? Are you both just sounding bored/frustrated/whathaveyou? Tell some jokes. Or something.

Can you rhyme? Have you ever tried? What about writing a stupid pick me up poem (even on paper and mail it) so she can keep it with her?

Do you guys have anything resembling a decent photo editing thing? Even paint could work for this.
PLAY TIC TAC TOE. Or catch the monkeys (need an original game to be able to scan it in first, generally)
Those kinds of games I used to play with my best friend in highschool after he moved across the state. GOD, it was fun. And I'd always do my move in band class, since that's where we always used to play them when he was still there.

What about playing internet games together?

Or writing a story (doesn't have to be erotic, can be totally random) together... line by line. You send her one line, she continues the story with another line, and so on and so forth.

Ummmm...... Send e-cards?

*sigh* I can't think of anything else yet.

Ang

 

[Bobmi357]

Long Distance relationships are pretty hard to maintain for any great length of time if you don't periodically meet to renew the feelings you have for each other.

However, you are in a far better situation today than I was in back in the very early 90's in my LDR. Back then we didn't have the internet to use, we met on an online gaming system and every thing about that system was primitive compared to today.

Have you tried voice conferencing thats available in programs like Yahoo's Messenger? Or the Voice/Video conferencing thats also available? Costs for a webcam have dropped significantly for a ballcam these days. For less then 200 bucks, you can both have a video camera/voice hookup and no long distance phone charges like I had to deal with (do you know what its like to have a phone bill over 1000 bucks for a single month??!?!).

I won't say any of these things will bring you two any closer, but it will help bridge the gap that is growing right now.

More importantly I'd suggest trying to find a way of hooking up together somehow. Its not always possible, nor can it be done cheaply, but if you both value the relationship, you will try to make it happen even if only for a few days.

Long distance relationships are harder than regular ones, especially if you're trying to remain faithful to each other. There is so much local temptation to deal with, and yet a long distance relationship can work if both people put their minds to it. I think the best thing is if both people consider the distance a problem and work together to resolving that problem.

In my case my wife was in the same country as I was. Yours sounds a lot more complicated. While you didn't make it clear, you made it sound like she might be a citizen of another country. So one topic of discussion you need to work on is WHERE you're going to be once you hook up for good. Working on that little problem and building up the anticipation for when you are together may be your only option for now.

 

[horny_boi]

CelticFrog
( I will try to anwser everything you said )
Firstly, I would be too embaressed to send her stories from lit, She would tease me and i would NEVER hear the end of it
I've looked over previous correspondance and its been quite positive( some fights recently but they have been resolved ). But quite often seem very distant in the way it was written

I will try your idea and write a poem for her and write it in a nice hand made card in shape of a heart
I send her e-cards quite often but as with normal e-mail she hasen't replied. only conversations on icq
as for internet games? do you have any suggestions? the 'classic' games kind of bore me ( java/flash games such as www.jippii.com )
thanks for your suggestions though i'll try them out!


Bobmi357
we both have webcam and mic however she can't always use them ( several computers and family often use the one with webcam and mic )

Long distance relationships are harder than regular ones, especially if you're trying to remain faithful to each other. There is so much local temptation to deal with,

True. They are much harder however being faithful is not an issue, we are both mature and commited.
as with the advice to fix the distance problem, that problem is out of both of our hands unchangeable.
Thank you for the reply. You have given me a lot to think about. ohh i do know about the 1000bux phone bill ( mine was only 600 but i am only 18 years old so that was a lot )

 

[cricketbug]

My 3 1/2 cents

Hiya...

Having been in a LD relationship myself, I fully understand what you're going through. When I was dating my now-husband, we were about 12-14 hours away from each other... I know that was hard, I can't imagine 1/2 a world.

Let's see... Cards and little fun surprise gifts in the mail, just because. Even though you may be able to pick them up at your $1.00 store and mail everthing for (usually) less than $10.00, it's fun.

One thing we did...corny as it sounds... but we had "date night" where we met in a set chat room that our friends (in another state) monitored. It was hard talking on the phone for both of us due to work, phone schedules, work schedules & family.

Maybe a pre-paid phone card? Stories or poems (erotic or not) work great, so do a traveling journal: ie. you write in it one week, mail it to her, she writes in it for a week, sends it back. Homemade CD's or tapes (if you're still in that scene) are ALWAYS a plus.

PM me if you want more ideas or just to chat!

"the bug"

 

[horny_boi]

i also have another question, which might be a lot harder.
It is our 3 year anniversary very soon, and i was wondering how i might be able to celebrate it? as i can not be with her i can't offer all my love in a very special day so i was wondering what kind of gift (or anything else? )could posibly substitute for it?
thanks again for everyones advice

 

[Ylvie]

X

 

[deliciously_naughty]

Ok, I'm probably going to get flamed to hell and back for saying this, but....

You're 18, and it's your 3 year anniversary? So you got together when you were 15?

Honestly, if things are starting to fade, it's more likely that the relationship is ending. You're 18. You should be out dating as many people as possible instead of getting too serious.

People change significantly between your age and 30. Hell, between 20 and 22 I changed significantly. And people that I know who were in incredibly serious relationships during that period regret it immensely because they either ended up divorced in their 20's or woke up one day and were 25 and had only had one relationship.

I'm not saying dump her, but I am saying that a ld relationship is difficult under any circumstances, much less two very important years where you're going to go through a lot of changes (like going to college and such). Give it some thought.

Beyond that, should you want to continue it, the suggestions here are very good.

----DN, who isn't trying to be bitter, but rather trying to be the voice of experience...been there done that...lots of heartbreak

 

[horny_boi]

deliciously_naughty I am not mad, and I appreciate your views and comments ! Believe it or not I agree with you ! for MOST people.

I have had many relationships before her, Been a player didn't like it! simple
yes i was very young, 14,15 but i am not like MOST people,
I had a very troublesome past, gangs,drugs,etc thats a story for another day though
Point is, I love her, and she loves me,
maybe I am stupid to ignore your advice and that of all my friends,
but love makes you do stupid things right?
sometimes have to just get burned before you learn.

We have a strong relationship. I don't have a doubt in my mind that could happen. I appreciate your advice but if it does happen i will just have to deal with it.

thanks and keep the comments coming !
I was thinking of singing her a song over the phone? or is that a bad idea?

*edit*
possible songs :
Azn Dreamers - Angel From Above
98 degrees - I do (cherish you)
Joe - Bedroom ( if things turned that way. . . )
Babyface - Reason For Breathing
Ginuwine - I Love You More
Andy Lau - I Miss You (chinese song)
Anyone Care to Suggest Any Others?

 

[oo0_boo_0oo]

singing? depends what ya gonna sing!

 

[oo0_boo_0oo]

perhaps a song that is close to the two of yours hearts might work...

 

[Zergplex]

Zergplex Says

Ok, I'm probably going to get flamed to hell and back for saying this, but....

You're 18, and it's your 3 year anniversary? So you got together when you were 15?

Honestly, if things are starting to fade, it's more likely that the relationship is ending. You're 18. You should be out dating as many people as possible instead of getting too serious.

People change significantly between your age and 30. Hell, between 20 and 22 I changed significantly. And people that I know who were in incredibly serious relationships during that period regret it immensely because they either ended up divorced in their 20's or woke up one day and were 25 and had only had one relationship.

I'm not saying dump her, but I am saying that a ld relationship is difficult under any circumstances, much less two very important years where you're going to go through a lot of changes (like going to college and such). Give it some thought.

Beyond that, should you want to continue it, the suggestions here are very good.

----DN, who isn't trying to be bitter, but rather trying to be the voice of experience...been there done that...lots of heartbreak

Not a flame but more of a responce to what you said. I am 20 and I have been dating my darling since I was 18. She was my first relationship, and hopefully my last. Not everyone desires to go out and date lots of people 'just for the experiance'. Thinking of dating someone I couldn't see myself spending my life with just makes me quesy. I have always associated sex with intimicy, intimicy with friendship & love, and friendship and love with marriage. While this track may take years to reach the marriage section of if at all, I can't even contemplate a relationship unless I could see myself with that person in 10 years.

Maybe I will end up unhappy in 5 years thinking that I could have had experiances with so many more varied people.... but I doubt it

I am also in a long distance relationship as well and I do agree that it creates lots of problems no matter what your age. Your relationship needs to be strong to hold up to it, and most people at 18 arn't mature enough to handle that kind of a relationship. HB sounds like he has a handle on the relationship (or is stubborn enough not to listen to advice ^_~) so good luck man,

-Zergplex

 

[CelticFrog]

You know, horny... The more you post on lit, the less I think you're really interested in actually remaining faithful to your girlfriend, much less keep a 'spark' going.

Hm. Let's see.

hmm.. dont know about you all, but im just looking for sex

odd, considering you posted that in December and you say you're coming up on three years.

i love it too
i dont really like to masturbate

okay, well... fine. but then you say THIS:

Its so sad to admit. . . . Longest I have gone without is about just under a week ! so frustrating because i know some people who can go without for months!

If you don't like to masturbate, then don't do it.

haha you have some qualifications there . . .
i must be blind or stupid but i missed it What are they qualify for?. . .
Curious if i should post my qualifications?

If you truly love your girlfriend and are intent on staying faithful, then why are you considering posting your qualifications?

Looking for a girl with sexy and seductive voice to talk either phone or mic with some program!

This is in THIS THREAD which, ironically, you are the only poster in. And you're basically fishing for phone sex. Now, if phone sex and/or cybering is the only way you and your girlfriend have 'sex', then this is definitely cheating.

oh im so sorry sheath!

Oh you do not want to hear me right now then cause i assume i have an aussie accent and oh i am soooooooooo willing

Yet another example of how you are soooooooooo willing to flaunt your disregard for a relationship.

I could go on. But I won't, because anyone that wants to see just how full of shit you are presenting yourself to be can do a search of your posts.

It does no good to pretend you're kidding if you PM these people and say you really DO want them and you weren't kidding. Just makes you look even more like a liar.

It's too bad that the stench of a troll is slowly beginning to manifest itself around you. You almost had potential there.

No wonder you don't want to bring your girlfriend to lit. I bet she'd love it until she started reading your shenanigans on the boards.

Ang

 

[horny_boi]

CelticFrog
i do not see it as cheating as i have already discussed my posting here with her,
i have fun on the boards but it does not go any further than that, and when i wanted to make a audio story for lit before i posted i asked her first !

oh and besides that. . . i do not like to masturbate..but does not mean i can help it why do you think i was asking for tips/advice how to NOT do it?

so i have a question for you, why spend so much time trying to find out how commited to a relationship I am..that you barely know anything about in the first place? surely you have better things to do with your time?

you dont like me or my posts dont read them !

 

[CelticFrog]

Ironically, I was talking with one of my best friends and as we had the same concerns (I wasn't the one who initially brought it up) we did a quick recall in our heads and realized that very little of what you have said really correlates to what you claim to be attempting with your relationship.

I never said I didn't like you. Note I mentioned that you had potential and also that it was too bad about that going to waste.

In answer to your question, I actually spent very little time trying to 'find out' how committed you are to your relationship. Instead, I made observations based on your posting at lit and the mixed messages you're giving to more people than just me.

As a matter of fact, a few extra seconds here and there in between sentences with my best friend, answering email, doing research for work, working, really -- that didn't detract from my time at all.

What we know about your relationship is what you've told us. And we form our opinions around that. And the jist of what I've gotten from merely reading more than one thread on this board is that you aren't even sure of what you want other than you want to do whatever trips your fancy without guilt.

That doesn't seem to me like someone who's in a committed relationship.

Look back on what you've written from an outsider's perspective. You will likely see that you are posting from two different worlds.

Just my observation.
Ang

 

[horny_boi]

you aren't even sure of what you want other than you want to do whatever trips your fancy without guilt.

That doesn't seem to me like someone who's in a committed relationship.

Look back on what you've written from an outsider's perspective. You will likely see that you are posting from two different worlds.

I type whatever i like here because i don't HAVE to feel guilt, its harmless fun,
I love my girl, I like having fun on lit,
too much off topic talk if there is anything else you'd like to add pm me.
back to the topic,

I believe this thread is closely linked to what i mentioned in sheaths thread for abuse resources.
I feel my mood has been the problem with the relationship. As i have been quite content this past week (happily posting at lit, new advice and knowledge of myself suprisingly did help!) has increased my confidence also,

it has also helped, our relationship is starting to brighten again!! despite all the hardships of distance. I posted her a love letter and a card i spent 5 hours making to her, and she wrote a letter to me and will post it tomorrow!

Thanks again for everyone who has offered advice, also thanks to everyone at lit for helping me understand myself a little more, not to mention all the great times!