Long Distance Relationship(s)

[RowanMist]

I've looked around on the Lit forums, and I haven't found a thread about long distance relationships, so I figured I might as well start one.

I've decided to try posting it here, in the GLBT Chatter, because:
1. You guys are great!
2. I'm bisexual, so it will be reflected in my posts
3. I'm in a polyamorous relationship (and again the GLBT seems to be where this is most accepted)
4. Did I mention you guys are great?

So yeah... I've seen it work quite well for some people, and I've seen some people who are unable to do it. I'm currently, sort of, trying it out. Ok, so we aren't actually in a relationship, but it could easily happen, especially without the distance. Which is where my problem starts... We don’t have the possibility of seeing each other on a regular basis, so we won’t get to see each other until one of us has the time (and money) to travel and see the other one. So that means maybe in the summer. Also, since we’re both young and not yet completely independent of our parents, we would have to explain to them our relationship, which we haven’t talk to them about (sexual identity, lifestyle (i.e. polyamory), etc).

So my question is how do you deal with all this?

I’m also interested in all your experiences!

 

[Bandit58]

Do the parents really need to know all this yet? As it will be several months before you actually meet each other, you can just tell them you have a friend you chat to a lot, and that you'd like to maybe meet him/her in the summer. Right now you seem to be putting the cart before the horse as it were. My mother still doesn't know I'm in a BDSM relationship or that I am bi, and I'm 49 years old!

Long distance is hard. I've been in two, one didn't work, and I'm married to the other one (1st wedding anniversary today ). Communication, communication, communication. Email, text messages/phone calls, PMs, chat. Make a time each day and stick to it if at all possible, and please let the other person know if you aren't going to be able to talk to them at that time if something unavoidable crops up. There's nothing worse than waiting for someone to come online or call you and not knowing what is going on

If you have any other questions, feel free to ask

 

[emap]

Oh bad bandit beating me to it.

What she said actually.

Though your post did leave me with a question, what about this long distance relationship is polyamorous? Are you seeing someone nearer to your home or is he/she?

If your friend is seeing someone else there is no reason to tell your parents unless you are moving in with them, your friend and their other relationship. If you are seeing someone else, well I am kinda forced to ask, what about your current relationship do you not find fulfilling if any?

Not saying there is a poblem with your relationship if you have one, it's just usually when someone starts looking outside their relationship for things beyond a casual friendship there are problems in said relationship. Well also, sometimes there is no problem, they just have wanderlust. That is usually reffered to as a player, though certain people with wanderlust just want to have other lovers and just see it as sex.

 

[RowanMist]

Do the parents really need to know all this yet? As it will be several months before you actually meet each other, you can just tell them you have a friend you chat to a lot, and that you'd like to maybe meet him/her in the summer. Right now you seem to be putting the cart before the horse as it were. My mother still doesn't know I'm in a BDSM relationship or that I am bi, and I'm 49 years old!

Long distance is hard. I've been in two, one didn't work, and I'm married to the other one (1st wedding anniversary today ). Communication, communication, communication. Email, text messages/phone calls, PMs, chat. Make a time each day and stick to it if at all possible, and please let the other person know if you aren't going to be able to talk to them at that time if something unavoidable crops up. There's nothing worse than waiting for someone to come online or call you and not knowing what is going on

If you have any other questions, feel free to ask

Thanks for your input!

The reason parents might need to know is that we're still living with them. So If I leave, I would need to explain (at least partially) where I'm going and who I'll be with. And the receiving parents would need to know who this person is that will possibly be staying with them too. Of course, parents can be circumvented, but it can get a lot more complicated.

I agree entirely that communication is the key! The only problem is that we don’t have the same schedule, so it’s sometimes hard to be able to talk everyday. But we do as often as we can!

 

[RowanMist]

Oh bad bandit beating me to it.

What she said actually.

Though your post did leave me with a question, what about this long distance relationship is polyamorous? Are you seeing someone nearer to your home or is he/she?

If your friend is seeing someone else there is no reason to tell your parents unless you are moving in with them, your friend and their other relationship. If you are seeing someone else, well I am kinda forced to ask, what about your current relationship do you not find fulfilling if any?

Not saying there is a poblem with your relationship if you have one, it's just usually when someone starts looking outside their relationship for things beyond a casual friendship there are problems in said relationship. Well also, sometimes there is no problem, they just have wanderlust. That is usually reffered to as a player, though certain people with wanderlust just want to have other lovers and just see it as sex.

We both have an other partner that is close to each of us.

The reason I’m in a polyamorous relationship is not that my first is unfulfilling, but rather because it’s a very strong relationship. I just have a lot of love to give! Just like you can have many close friends, I can have many loving relationships. These relationships are NOT based on sex or on the fact that a relationship is unfulfilling in any way.

Communication (again) is the key. Everyone involved is aware of the other relationships!