Long comments that give excellent feedback

[8letters]

Most comments provide so little information that trying to learn something from them is a fool's errand. But occasionally I'll get a long comment that provides excellent feedback. Today, I got an anonymous one:

I give it a 4 1/2. It is an excellent story, but certainly not your best. There are a few clunky elements in the plot and character development, and some character traits/behaviors that seem to manifest out of left field, but after reading your story notes it is understandable. This ended up become a hodgepodge collection of starts and stops tying sex scenes together to fit into a preconceived notion. It ends up with some behaviors and events that feel forced. The mom suddenly becoming a "pseudo-dominatrix" for her first time, but then telling him to be careful because it's been so long since she's had sex seemed extremely out of character, especially considering the exposition regarding her past sex life with her cheating ex-husband. Sure it is plausible she could have been repressing her sexuality but it just came out of the blue. Similarly, the step mother's exposition of intentionally stealing the dad, yet getting upset at being called on it. The exposition/background stories are just a little too conflicting for the character traits each "mother" exhibits. And then there is the son; what is he exactly. Is he a manipulative little shit, or is he a sympathetic, caring guy? Or is cuckolding his absentee, unfaithful, undeserving father over a 6-8 week period of time under the guidance of an admitted ''homewrecker" enough to mature him from angry teenager to noble, young man.

The epilogue actually says a great deal with what isn't said. His father, after successfully having an illicit affair with his mentor's wife, suddenly gets "caught in the act" and ends up the victim in a murder-suicide. The cheating trophy wife lives, but her husband, the mentor kills his long time friend, then kills himself, and conveniently, our "hero" just happens to know it legal to marry your step relations in their state. Almost painting a suggestion that the protagonist arranged the dispatching of his father. And conveniently, the Dad left the business 50/50 to his "Pre-nup Trophy Wife" and his cuckolding son, as if the make certain they would end up together.

Overall, conceptually great story elements. Finely crafted sex scenes. Excellent premise. Characterization just needs some work to make it a more cohesive story.

Overall, I agree with the feedback. Normally, my MMC is a "good guy". This time, I decided to try to show the MMC going from being immature, selfish, dishonest and impulsive to a mature young man. From the feedback I've gotten, I had mixed success with that. Link to story.

 

[SimonDoom]

I find comments like that one to be uncommon, but I appreciate them when they happen. I appreciate having technical mistakes like misspellings pointed out, but usually they're just proofreading errors, so comments like that don't do a lot to help write a better story next time.

Comments like "Loved it!" are nice, but not helpful.

Comments like "Dad was still alive so I gave it a low score" are unhelpful for obvious reasons.

Comments about the way characters and plot are constructed, like the one you posted, are helpful. I think it's common for an author to get excited about a story concept without fully thinking through how successfully the story gets from point A to point B, or whether the characters make sense. I'm constantly trying to become a better author in this way. It's one reason why it's taking me longer to write stories now.