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I get you. I don't know exactly what you're looking for, but I could have written your post. The only exceptions being the parts about London, the penis, the wanting to control, and I'm a software engineer not a desk engineer.
Ooh software. Do you understand Dreamweaver >.<
A brave post. Feeling for you. Best wishes in having your dilemma(?) resolved.Strange how life is . I live in a lonely old cottage right by the sea in N wales. Circumstances dictate that I live a life style that people see me as almost a wild woman, unconventional, no time or money for fashion , fancy clothes , often food , My life is real , sometimes raw , but not always by choice. I have my dreams of being protected , loved by a gentle man yet find myself married to a drunk at 27. I sometimes wash dishes at a local hotel but also have a history degree and am far from stupid . How different we are yet how similar