Litsters In History.

[breakwall]

Just for fun...

Ishmael as Captain of the Titanic.

Right away the crew knew something was wrong. The tremendous bang and the sickening shudder of the deck beneath them caused a muted panic amongst the guests. Once 2nd Officer Rogers got word from the engine room that the ship was taking on water, he made his way at once to the bridge and alerted the Captain.
"Nonsense," smirked Capt. Ishmael. "This is the Titanic, boy. The ship is fine."
Just then an urgent plea came from the engineers to send men below decks to fight the fires in the boiler room.
"Well," said the Captain with a grin, "if there's a hole in the ship, I guess the water will put the fire out."
Appeals to First Mate A_J proved just as fruitless. "If the Captain says the boat is fine, then the boat is fine. Isn't that right, sir?" A_J looked up to the Captain with an ingratiating smile. The Captain nodded and patted the First Mate on the head.
Another sailor burst in and announced that the ship was beginning to list severely to the port side.
"The port side?" the Captain sneered, "You mean the left side, don't you sailor?"
"Er, yes sir, I suppose so, sir."
"Tsk tsk. Don't tell me you've bought into this left-leaning liberal agenda." The Captain turned to the crew assembled on the deck, "You are ALL so full of bullshit! If it was up to you fucktards, we'd all still be in the harbour wasting money and time on more lifeboats."
"Exactly," said First Mate A_J, "you tell 'em, sir."

 

[lobito]

and me?

 

[Wrong Element]

I'm seeing Loving Tongue as Custer.

 

[breakwall]

REDWAVE spotted at the October Revolution, Russia.

October 24, 1917.

Reporter: We're here in St Petersburg to catch the mood of the average man-in-the-street here during this national revolt. Excuse me sir, may I have a moment.

(storefront explodes behind them, shattering glass onto the street)

Man: I suppose so.

Reporter: Can you give us your views on how the revolution is progressing?

(mob runs past, brandishing fiery torches shouting Proletarian slogans)

Man: Wonderfully! The people are marching through the Winter Palace shouting Power to the Soviets! The Bolsheviks have the government on the run! Comrade Lenin is ushering in a new era!

Reporter: And how are the average people responding to this uprising?

Man: They are uniting for the good of the motherland! The people march arm in arm, a true workers paradise is on the horizon! Every one is rolling up their shirtsleeves to forge a new nation! Oh, except for that guy...

(points to man sitting on the ground in the middle of the town square, hunched over)

Reporter: Who's he?

Man: I have no idea, but nobody will go near him.

Reporter: Why not? Is he armed?

Man: Well, no. Not exactly. He just sits there with a foolish grin on his face and drool running down his chin...and, he's...well...

Reporter: He's....?

Man: He's...you know..."Strumming the Skin Balalaika"...

Reporter: Pardon?

Man: You know...Playing With His Puppet Regime...Stroking His Stiff Resolve...Pulling For The Little Guy...

 

[MWG]

Ooh, do me! Do me!

 

[breakwall]

and me?

You should post some, it's fun!

 

[breakwall]

Ooh, do me! Do me!

I did.

wait for it.

 

[lobito]

I'm too dumb. I'm practically illiterate and stuff.

 

[just pet]

These are brilliant

And do me

 

[breakwall]

MWG during the Reformation

A hush fell over the room as MWG was ushered in before Pope Leo X.

In his hands, the Pope held a copy of MWG's Ninety-Five Theses. He rattled it irritably as he talked. "Just what is the meaning of all this?" He asked.

"Meaning of all what?" MWG replied, her eyes wide with innocence.

"This, this treatise you've defiled the Wittenberg Church doors with. Ninety-five accusations, calling the church corrupt and guilty of squeezing money from the faithful. Ignorant and wicked you called the priests!"

"Is that in there? Well, I'm sure you could probably interpret it that way..."
"Interpret it? Number Ten, and I quote: Ignorant and wicked are the doings of those priests who, in the case of the dying, reserve canonical penances for purgatory."

"Oh, I just threw that in to be controversial. I didn't really mean anything by it," said MWG.

"And here: numbers 27 and 28. They preach that as soon as the penny jingles into the money-box, the soul flies out of purgatory. It is certain that when the penny jingles into the money-box, gain and avarice can be increased, but the result of the intercession of the Church is in the power of God alone."

"Uh-huh. And what's your point?"
"You are accusing the Church of being interested only in greed and avarice! Is this not blasphemy?"

"Is that what I said? I think that's taken out of context."

"Out of context? I'm reading from your own words here! Here you presume to know the powers vested in me better than myself: 'Therefore by "full remission of all penalties" the pope means not actually "of all," but only of those imposed by himself. Therefore those preachers of indulgences are in error, who say that by the pope's indulgences a man is freed from every penalty, and saved.' Do you deny that you are accusing me of overstepping my authority?"

"Well, now you're just putting words in my mouth," said MWG.

"Speaking of words, there is this matter of misspelling Christian throughout this document. There is no 'x' in Christian..."

Pope Leo looked down at MWG as she shrugged and smiled. He could feel another one of his migraines coming on...

 

[breakwall]

And do me

This is the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

 

[MWG]

Bahahahaha!

Breakwall, you amase me. You abso-fucking-lutely amase me.

That was perfect.

 

[Gilly Bean]

Very cute, though I shudder to think of what life might be like today, had those events actually taken place.

 

[just pet]

This is the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

You're easy

Luckily

 

[HeavyStick]

Do me.





Think Clockwork Orange meets Blackhawk Down.

 

[DreamWeaver]

Do me.





Think Clockwork Orange meets Blackhawk Down.

LOL

Clockwork Orange is a great movie

One of the first cult movies if I remember correctly

 

[breakwall]

Just Pet, Prehistoric Africa


Just Pet looked curiously down at the hunched over figures of the Austrolopethicus men as they plodded across the veldt in search of food. Occasionally they would rear themselves up to full height to peer over the high grass but soon would droop down, their knuckles brushing the dust beneath them.

Just Pet was a little more enlightened and felt that it was up to her to usher in the next phase of evolution for these poor hunch backed creatures.

Quietly she wandered up to one of the men. He looked up at her with little notice. She knelt behind him and placed her hands on his back. She took a porcupine quill from a small pile she kept wrapped in a leaf in her palm. She had sanded them smooth on rocks, removing any barbs.

Quickly she inserted the quill into the man's back. He yelped and turned to her with flashing, angry eyes. But the fierce expression changed suddenly to one of wonder. Working quickly she stuck more quills into him, and more, until he began to resemble a porcupine himself.

She let him rest there, the crickets chirping in the grass, the sun dipping slowly behind the distant hills...and then she extracted her quills, smoothly, one by one.

When she was done, he arose and in wonder and joy stood straight up.
The first homo erectus. (insert sexually gratuitous gag here)

 

[breakwall]

Do me.





Think Clockwork Orange meets Blackhawk Down.

Wouldn't that be...er...Apocalypse Now?

 

[breakwall]

I'm seeing Loving Tongue as Custer.

I've been working on his, but I just can't peg it.

Custer is good.

I also see him as the guy who left the back door at the Alamo unlocked....

 

[DreamWeaver]

Do me

Think Animal House and National Lampoon Vacation

 

[lobito]

Do me

Think Animal House and National Lampoon Vacation

I really don't want to read this... "Dreamweaver: Daddy says I'm the best kisser in all these parts..." YEUCK!

 

[Kain]

Hello Breakwall, hello Just Pet.

 

[just pet]

Home erectus...

heh

And now covered by insurance
Civilization can be very satisfying

 

[Wrong Element]

I've been working on his, but I just can't peg it.

Custer is good.

I also see him as the guy who left the back door at the Alamo unlocked....

I could probably do something, if my brain was operating more efficiently at this hour. I was thinking some LT/Custer commentary on the horror of the untamed natural West, and references to the cowardice of "Sitting Bullshit" and "Crazy Horseface".

 

[breakwall]

Hello Breakwall, hello Just Pet.

Hey Kain.
How goes it?