Litiquette VII

[Trekka]

Once you’re past a certain age — meaning, like, 20 — visible hickeys are a no-go. I’m not here for walking around with a purple spot on my neck or for making someone else walk around looking like they’ve been sucked on by a teenage horn dog.

However, hickeys left in private spaces can be very hot. I don’t mind having them on my chest or back. Even a spot that’s nearly visible, but still hidden is ok. Something like just inside my shirt collar. My favorite spot to leave a hickey is on the underside of her boobs. I don’t always do it, but sometimes it’s good to leave that mark.

This is the correct answer.

Teen Trekka might have spent an evening in a hot tub with a big kahuna trophy catch way back in the day. One of them dreamy popular dudes that the girls all swoon over.
Neck looked like a leopard the next day.

But I was a prideful leopard.
A complete leopard.
A leopard that had her BFF take photos of its spots, that I still have to this day!

 

[SMNaughtywife]

This is the correct answer.

Teen Trekka might have spent an evening in a hot tub with a big kahuna trophy catch way back in the day. One of them dreamy popular dudes that the girls all swoon over.
Neck looked like a leopard the next day.

But I was a prideful leopard.
A complete leopard.
A leopard that had her BFF take photos of its spots, that I still have to this day!

Find that pic! I wanna see.

 

[filt]

Hickies.

Personally, never really understood them. There are better ways of marking your territory if you wish to call it that.

 

[Corbal]

I hooked up with a guy once who had an actual Hoover for a mouth. It was the most bizarre thing because he wasn't sucking on my neck THAT fucking hard. I just remember getting up the next day and starring at the mirror in shock. I literally look like I had beaten.

Hickies on my face and lower jaw. About 20 on my neck, shoulders and back. The dude covered me in a hickey suit.

I was mortified. LOL.

CoverGirl didn't make enough concealer to cover them.
There was no spoon frozen enough to push the blood down.

I think I wore turtlenecks for about a week and the two on my face? Swore to my brothers it was from a car door slamming into me from the wind.

This is the price a whore pays.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Hickies are the “Camaro on blocks” of sexual acts. I’d HATE it if I had one. I would rather have a dickie (a hickie on mah dick).

I hooked up with a guy once who had an actual Hoover for a mouth. It was the most bizarre thing because he wasn't sucking on my neck THAT fucking hard. I just remember getting up the next day and starring at the mirror in shock. I literally look like I had beaten.

Hickies on my face and lower jaw. About 20 on my neck, shoulders and back. The dude covered me in a hickey suit.

I was mortified. LOL.

CoverGirl didn't make enough concealer to cover them.
There was no spoon frozen enough to push the blood down.

I think I wore turtlenecks for about a week and the two on my face? Swore to my brothers it was from a car door slamming into me from the wind.

This is the price a whore pays.

That’s called scabies.

 

[default24]

Find that pic! I wanna see.

Ummm, hell yes, ditto

 

[default24]

I hooked up with a guy once who had an actual Hoover for a mouth. It was the most bizarre thing because he wasn't sucking on my neck THAT fucking hard. I just remember getting up the next day and starring at the mirror in shock. I literally look like I had beaten.

Hickies on my face and lower jaw. About 20 on my neck, shoulders and back. The dude covered me in a hickey suit.

I was mortified. LOL.

CoverGirl didn't make enough concealer to cover them.
There was no spoon frozen enough to push the blood down.

I think I wore turtlenecks for about a week and the two on my face? Swore to my brothers it was from a car door slamming into me from the wind.

This is the price a whore pays.

Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's horny queen?

 

[SMNaughtywife]

Ummm, hell yes, ditto

I’m thinking you’re pulling down your pants for me to put a hickie right there on that sweet spot.
Licks my lips.

 

[default24]

I’m thinking you’re pulling down your pants for me to put a hickie right there on that sweet spot.
Licks my lips.

That's a good place to start, but the fun stuff is juuuuuust a little to the southwest

 

[Rapha_79]

I’ve never really understood the appeal of either giving or receiving a hickie. Or lovebite, as they’re more typically known this side of the pond. They’re what might be termed ‘a bit council’.

I’m not averse to a woman sucking me. I’d just rather the oral vacuum was put to use more productively.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

Happy Friday.

In my years here in Lit FantasyFuckland, I gonna say (IMO of course) there’s a good amount of unhappy married peeps here.
For what ever reason or pretext that’s invaded a couples lives, it’s not that where my question lies.

I should preface this by - I was reading an article about Esther Perel yesterday that got me thinking.

In Perel’s treatment of relational conflicts, there are no solutions, only paradoxes to manage. Her observations are studded with the seductive certainty of mantras. Sex “isn’t something you do, it’s a place you go”; love “enjoys knowing everything about you,” but “desire needs mystery”; and envy “is a tango between two people,” while “the dance of jealousy requires three.”
She believes our relationships determine the quality of our lives.

My question is, do you agree with this?
And why do you think more people don’t seek out marriage counseling?
Too much ball-breaking on the pride?
Having to admit wrong?
Or has one gotten use to the disfunction it’s easier to be a bobble head and tune out the other?

 

[Endless_Night]

Huh. Interesting article. It left me not entirely sure where the writer stands on the interviewee….

I would say that I definitely agree. Any relationship that includes a multifaceted intimacy is bound to be FULL of paradox.

As to why couples don’t see marriage counseling? No doubt it varies case to case, but if I had to choose one reason it would be: Having to admit wrong.

I don’t see most people as all that keen on taking responsibility for theirown actions, much less actively seeking to make amends. Plus, one of the many things Lit has taught me is that a surprising number of people don’t consider lying about extramarital sex to be a real lie.

I think, both those things considered, it’s much easier to go find alternate sources of sexual gratification than deal with their current situation.

Just my two cents.


Which may kill the thread.

 

[parker77]

Happy Friday.

In my years here in Lit FantasyFuckland, I gonna say (IMO of course) there’s a good amount of unhappy married peeps here.
For what ever reason or pretext that’s invaded a couples lives, it’s not that where my question lies.

I should preface this by - I was reading an article about Esther Perel yesterday that got me thinking.

In Perel’s treatment of relational conflicts, there are no solutions, only paradoxes to manage. Her observations are studded with the seductive certainty of mantras. Sex “isn’t something you do, it’s a place you go”; love “enjoys knowing everything about you,” but “desire needs mystery”; and envy “is a tango between two people,” while “the dance of jealousy requires three.”
She believes our relationships determine the quality of our lives.

My question is, do you agree with this?
And why do you think more people don’t seek out marriage counseling?
Too much ball-breaking on the pride?
Having to admit wrong?
Or has one gotten use to the disfunction it’s easier to be a bobble head and tune out the other?

relationships determine the quality of our lives...agreed. i lean on my mellow attitude
plenty to give, agree, sluff off the trivial and find fulfillment. too little time to live life otherwise.

 

[hotwords229_A]

I think human beings are way too complicated and paradoxical for the permanence of marriage. It’s a goal we all have, to meet that perfect someone, and we probably all know someone who has a great, long lasting relationship, but the odds are like . . . I don’t know, not good.

We want to find someone that we want to spend the rest of our lives with even though we all suffer from the grass is always greener-itis.

I think many times out of ten people get married because that’s what we’re supposed to do. It’s like getting out of high school and going to college even though you don’t know what the hell you’re doing or why you’re even there—most of the time. We get complacent and just go with it.

But then, I also think if you stick with a marriage long enough it all comes around when you get old. Even if you totally resent the other person at least there is someone there to take you to the hospital and pick up your meds. What a cynical (yet honest) thought!

Maybe getting married is like getting tenure. How hard is an employee really going to work if they know they can’t be fired? I think Kurt and Goldie did it right. Live together forever and never get married. It keeps you in the game.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

I listened to a some of her podcasts, the real conversations, struggles and pointing fingers with couples.
It was hard to listen.
Difficult in listening to the insecurity, walking on egg shells around each other, explosive tempers and really lack of communication.
How much a conservative upbringing plays into sex and the whole openness to exploration as one gets comfortable with themselves and each other.

Cute little “twirks” in the beginning of relationship are over looked and years later are now issues- mental health, control issues and irrational thinking.
It’s all funny in the beginning; the UFOs, conspiracy theories, OCD (I just like stuff “this way”) and what ever, but when it’s creating issues or comes into play with parenting how big of an issue it really is.

My brother divorced. Sister starting the process.
And coming from parents that divorced after 24yrs of marriage I initially thought “after that many years, what can’t you deal with anymore or get over? This person isn’t changing XYZ, so get over it.”
My thinking changed after a few years watching them rebuild their lives.
It doesn’t matter how many years together or married - everyone deserves to be happy in life. Fix it and stop complaining or get out. And of course I’m over simplifying it, I get that.
But hot damn, the fear isn’t in dying but not living.
That’s what I believe in anyways.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

I don't know how many people seek out marriage counseling; but I think that being a marriage counselor is probably not something most are prepared to do without having lived enough of a life to appreciate the complexities of relationships. it's hard to get to root cause from the middle of the fire.. and without root cause, you're working on symptoms.

I like the referenced passages and may read more. thank you

 

[tnman03]

The article was good but ambiguous. I believe its intent was to leave you to derive your own interpretation.

Marital counseling, as with any other form of mental health or addiction counseling relies on acceptance of the process and a sincere desire to work towards a successful conclusion. All it takes is one party who isn’t in for the win to fail.

I’ve been through marital counseling, the game playing and insincerity became apparent early on. I learned a lot which led me to learn more as well as grow more as a person.

So is it worth it? That depends on the couple. But giving it an honest try is a good idea.

 

[Endless_Night]

< But hot damn, the fear isn’t in dying but not living. That’s what I believe in anyways. >

This^. Happiness is a commodity that is all too often is exchanged for expectation, or duty, or obligation. A life without hope of happiness….

Surely, surely, it's worth some risk?

 

[Trekka]

Happy Friday.

In my years here in Lit FantasyFuckland, I gonna say (IMO of course) there’s a good amount of unhappy married peeps here.
For what ever reason or pretext that’s invaded a couples lives, it’s not that where my question lies.

I should preface this by - I was reading an article about Esther Perel yesterday that got me thinking.

In Perel’s treatment of relational conflicts, there are no solutions, only paradoxes to manage. Her observations are studded with the seductive certainty of mantras. Sex “isn’t something you do, it’s a place you go”; love “enjoys knowing everything about you,” but “desire needs mystery”; and envy “is a tango between two people,” while “the dance of jealousy requires three.”
She believes our relationships determine the quality of our lives.

My question is, do you agree with this?
And why do you think more people don’t seek out marriage counseling?
Too much ball-breaking on the pride?
Having to admit wrong?
Or has one gotten use to the disfunction it’s easier to be a bobble head and tune out the other?

I love Esther Perel.
Mating in Captivity is a good read. It reorganized how I think about monogamy in some ways.

So, yes, I agree that relationships play a huuuuge part in quality of life. They are rife with paradox, yup, on board there.

Been to couples counseling. Plenty. Never was resistant to it, and I’ve never had a partner that resisted either. Can’t answer why someone wouldn’t at least try. That doesn’t make sense to me.

Counseling sometimes helped. I learned from it... things I still use today. It had value. But. It couldn’t save what couldn’t be saved.

My parents have never been to couples counseling- married 40+ years. Sometimes they bobble head, yep, or fight like cats and dogs. They're both crazy, but their dysfunctions seem to mesh well!

 

[Dribble]

I have been to marriage counseling twice...well multiple times for each person. It doesn't work. People don't want the truth. They want what they want to hear and the fantasy and anything that deviates from that is "confrontational". There is only one way to resolve issues. Talk. Openly. Honest. Use it or lose it. If one person is unwilling or unable to do that...the ends are always the same.

 

[Trekka]

Oh lord SB
That Av tho!

 

[QuietCanadian]

Happy Friday.

In my years here in Lit FantasyFuckland, I gonna say (IMO of course) there’s a good amount of unhappy married peeps here.
For what ever reason or pretext that’s invaded a couples lives, it’s not that where my question lies.

I should preface this by - I was reading an article about Esther Perel yesterday that got me thinking.

In Perel’s treatment of relational conflicts, there are no solutions, only paradoxes to manage. Her observations are studded with the seductive certainty of mantras. Sex “isn’t something you do, it’s a place you go”; love “enjoys knowing everything about you,” but “desire needs mystery”; and envy “is a tango between two people,” while “the dance of jealousy requires three.”
She believes our relationships determine the quality of our lives.

My question is, do you agree with this?
And why do you think more people don’t seek out marriage counseling?
Too much ball-breaking on the pride?
Having to admit wrong?
Or has one gotten use to the disfunction it’s easier to be a bobble head and tune out the other?

Super late to this party, but I do find this interesting. And on the surface, at least, I agree. Definitely about the relationships and human connection. Being seen and heard without judgment is wonderful and I believe healthy relationships where that is present make life better. And usually that's not from one relationship (and I don't mean this in a monogamous or non monogamous way, but in general.) Relationships (all) can be tough, too. We all evolve and we don't all evolve the same way or the same speed. Confronting that in a long term, friendship, relationship and/or marriage can be really tough.

As for why people don't seek out counseling or therapy. I don't know. I think there's still a stigma around it (there shouldn't be, checking in and learning about yourself is a very good thing). I think some are exactly as you've said, "I don't want to find out I'm the problem." I think it can be really uncomfortable and being vulnerable doesn't come easy for most even though those are two things I think we all need to be sometimes. And sometimes the hardest person to talk to about things is the one that shouldn't be, and in a couples counseling scenario, that's exactly who you will be taking to.

Also, as an aside, Trekka isn't wrong SB.

 

[Fermina_Daza]

I do believe our relationships affect the quality of our lives. When I was married, I came across an article that linked data to married couples living longer than single individuals. BUT unhappily married couples lived shorter lives. My prior “relationship” was a gaslit series of ups and downs, extreme conflict met with extreme happiness. It was the epitome of bipolar. Everything around me suffered - my work, my family life, my mental health.

My current relationship has had its own ups and downs, of course, but they have not been driven by the relationship. During this relationship, I’ve been more at peace with myself, closer to my child, found a new career. We did go to counseling briefly when needed.

I’m not sure I wholly answered the question. But I’m a firm believer in counseling.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

Quick one this morning.

Some of us can get a little crazy and jump on board on the wonder and hype of what all the cool kids are doing.

What was something you tried only because of the fear of missing out?
Like it, love it and want more or it?
Or hell no, never doing that again?

 

[hotwords229_A]

Quick one this morning.

Some of us can get a little crazy and jump on board on the wonder and hype of what all the cool kids are doing.

What was something you tried only because of the fear of missing out?
Like it, love it and want more or it?
Or hell no, never doing that again?

I’ve never been one to follow the crowd. I considered myself one of the cool kids in a group by myself. Some people pronounced it “loser”—I assume they were just Canadian.

I guess booze and cigars would have to be my answer. There was a moment where smoking cigars was the thing to do and I decided to try it. And although I look super cool smoking a cigar, the gross taste of “I feel like I licked the bottom of a used medical dumpster” the next day was enough to not continue my Freudian pursuit of coolness.

Alcohol also does nothing for me, tastes like crap and doesn’t enhance my greatness in the least. So I’m the non-alcohol guy at the party that makes everyone super uncomfortable because they think I’m judging them or recovering. Why is it so hard to believe that, in my opinion, it tastes like liquid hell?

Anyway, being the outcast is my version of cool, even though there seems to be an outcast group now, so I might have to do what everyone else is doing in an effort to be a nonconformist. The world is so confusing.