TheEternalBeachBum, great thread, man! You're asking an important question, which I believe is: why am I batting zero when trying to share an enjoyable sexual connection with women in the Literotica chat rooms? By starting this thread, in my mind, you have already separated yourself from the majority of criticisms about how men behave in chat rooms. You also wrote that you are starting with the assumption that you are the issue. That is a powerful approach because it allows you to still affect outcomes as you notice improvements that can be made. So, serious kudos to you, and consider this encouragement for continuing to pursue a solution. Too many guys are hesitant to start a thread like this, and many more shy away or feed into the distraction of combat when the criticisms pile in.
Having said that, the people who are criticizing you are playing an important role because they are challenging us guys to be better. This includes the criticisms that may be unfair at times. You're taking some of the heat that is due to the less thoughtful men out there so we can get to a better place with this discussion, and that stinks for you. But be aware that you have support here, and I am starting to believe that men and women are not as far apart as we seem in relation to our online "adult" goals. I have had positive, insightful discussions with some women about this recently, and those women have confirmed that they enjoy exploring sexually with a worthy male partner.
Alisunderstorm has an incredible approach to this, and it is even more effective coming from the female perspective. That is just further proof that you're pointing in the right direction, and should give a lot of hope to others with subpar results who are following this thread. She said she logs into the chat here once in a while to hang out, have a good time, and often play for the night if she finds someone compelling. Isn't that what we're looking for, too?? Please be aware that she is one of many women that is looking for that --- she just happens to be presenting herself in a fun, solution-oriented light. You don't have a problem with this because you are open-minded, but a lot of men and women could learn from her approach, as it would likely allow us to converge better on a shared goal.
You asked if your lack of results are due to a generational issue. That's a solid question, and while we could certainly debate how technology in recent generations has contributed further to instant gratification and lack of engagement with fellow humans, I don't think it's the core issue in this case. Most people still enjoy some form of pleasurable connection or exploration, and the internet still provides endless opportunities for this. It gives us basically-infinite resources combined with the creativity of our minds....kind of amazing potential for any generation once we find our way back to connecting. I have found that one intense, stimulating, memorable experience can get many people aiming in a more positive, cooperative direction. One of the tricks is making sure we are available to do this, and remaining consistent with our efforts (ie, don't go looking for that woman you had a deep, philosophical discussion with last weekend when you're already edging to a BDSM flick).
While I do feel there is more overlap than I used to in the general reasons men and women visit adult chat sites (yes, big differences still abound, too), they are definitely going about their search for online sexual connection or exploration in different ways, especially these days (with the initial novelty and guess-and-check aspect of chatrooms in the rear-view). However, that does not mean that we are unable to find common ground. The differences makes a lot of sense if we look at male-female dynamics in real-world situations, and assume that some instincts will naturally carry over to the internet platform. This is unfortunate in some ways because there's less pressure to commit to an interaction or "save face" online for both sexes, and we definitely see that playing out all the time in chatroom environments (ie, clicking the "X" sooner than you would in-person, etc). However, well-intentioned men like you who are willing to give-and-get have succeeded in real-time situations with the fairer sex when the initial outlook was gloomy, so I'm confident that we can navigate the online barriers to improve results here.
Anyways, good job getting your thoughts "on paper," and sharing them with the community here. There's a lot of solid minds on Literotica that can contribute to improvements. Stick it out, and feel free to reach out privately any time if you find your head spinning (I've been there).
Having said that, the people who are criticizing you are playing an important role because they are challenging us guys to be better. This includes the criticisms that may be unfair at times. You're taking some of the heat that is due to the less thoughtful men out there so we can get to a better place with this discussion, and that stinks for you. But be aware that you have support here, and I am starting to believe that men and women are not as far apart as we seem in relation to our online "adult" goals. I have had positive, insightful discussions with some women about this recently, and those women have confirmed that they enjoy exploring sexually with a worthy male partner.
Alisunderstorm has an incredible approach to this, and it is even more effective coming from the female perspective. That is just further proof that you're pointing in the right direction, and should give a lot of hope to others with subpar results who are following this thread. She said she logs into the chat here once in a while to hang out, have a good time, and often play for the night if she finds someone compelling. Isn't that what we're looking for, too?? Please be aware that she is one of many women that is looking for that --- she just happens to be presenting herself in a fun, solution-oriented light. You don't have a problem with this because you are open-minded, but a lot of men and women could learn from her approach, as it would likely allow us to converge better on a shared goal.
You asked if your lack of results are due to a generational issue. That's a solid question, and while we could certainly debate how technology in recent generations has contributed further to instant gratification and lack of engagement with fellow humans, I don't think it's the core issue in this case. Most people still enjoy some form of pleasurable connection or exploration, and the internet still provides endless opportunities for this. It gives us basically-infinite resources combined with the creativity of our minds....kind of amazing potential for any generation once we find our way back to connecting. I have found that one intense, stimulating, memorable experience can get many people aiming in a more positive, cooperative direction. One of the tricks is making sure we are available to do this, and remaining consistent with our efforts (ie, don't go looking for that woman you had a deep, philosophical discussion with last weekend when you're already edging to a BDSM flick).
While I do feel there is more overlap than I used to in the general reasons men and women visit adult chat sites (yes, big differences still abound, too), they are definitely going about their search for online sexual connection or exploration in different ways, especially these days (with the initial novelty and guess-and-check aspect of chatrooms in the rear-view). However, that does not mean that we are unable to find common ground. The differences makes a lot of sense if we look at male-female dynamics in real-world situations, and assume that some instincts will naturally carry over to the internet platform. This is unfortunate in some ways because there's less pressure to commit to an interaction or "save face" online for both sexes, and we definitely see that playing out all the time in chatroom environments (ie, clicking the "X" sooner than you would in-person, etc). However, well-intentioned men like you who are willing to give-and-get have succeeded in real-time situations with the fairer sex when the initial outlook was gloomy, so I'm confident that we can navigate the online barriers to improve results here.
Anyways, good job getting your thoughts "on paper," and sharing them with the community here. There's a lot of solid minds on Literotica that can contribute to improvements. Stick it out, and feel free to reach out privately any time if you find your head spinning (I've been there).
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