Lit Personals – an exercise in futility?

LTMMC

Really Experienced
Joined
Jul 19, 2020
Posts
251
I hope all my experiences over the last four or five months have been atypical. Or that I have been an exceptionally unlucky fellow. Why? Because no conversation that got started lately, including with what seemed to be very sweet women, got anywhere at all.

Most disturbing I found is that some of them seemed to take off alright in the beginning. Not all by far, but some of them. And that seems really disappointing; you feel you are on the same wavelength with somebody, and then pouffff! Now I am not naïve and believe that every two people who begin talking must end up in a virtual bed together and live on happily with one another from this point on. But it seems for some newly found almost-couples, that should in fact be happening.

Considering what some women and some men here look for is a very understandable yearning for meaningful companionships. Not limited to sex only. So how come I have been so unlucky? Could it be – maybe – because more women than I would like to believe are plain scared to jump into a relationship, when one seems within reach?

I recall two such situations – a long time ago – when a real-life meeting became immanent, after a lot of mails back and forth. Situations when I blamed the failure to continue on her getting scared, and in another case me getting scared. Scared of the possibility of an "illicit" meeting consuming too much of us; more than we were prepared to invest in each other.

But why should that happen with a virtual-only relationship? After all, no RL meetings are contemplated, only at best an exchange of love letters. Can that become scary really? I wonder what you all think about this question, which has been bothering me a lot?
 
Difficult

I would say that in general most of the relationships that are cyber only are destined to be relatively short term ( a few weeks to a few months). It is just so hard to keep it alive and working with chat/text and phone / video calls. I am sure there are some that are successful for years but they are the exception. Perhaps as friends but never in a nurturing loving and possible sexual relationship.

Depends on so many factors such as communication skills, trust of each other, honesty of those involved, what they want out of the relationship, is it giving you back what you need and want, etc. etc. etc.
 
I would say that in general most of the relationships that are cyber only are destined to be relatively short term ( a few weeks to a few months). It is just so hard to keep it alive and working with chat/text and phone / video calls. I am sure there are some that are successful for years but they are the exception. Perhaps as friends but never in a nurturing loving and possible sexual relationship.

Depends on so many factors such as communication skills, trust of each other, honesty of those involved, what they want out of the relationship, is it giving you back what you need and want, etc. etc. etc.

I appreciate your attempt to answer a difficult question I posed. Have you realized, btw. that the issue you addressed is something altogether different from the one I am facing?

Sure enough, virtual relationships are not for everybody. and as you mentioned, above-average communication skills are essential, when a relationhip based on words only is to succeed.

But I am talking about the phase before intimacy failing. A phase that exists for real-life relationships also just as well. And I am talking about two people who proclaim they both look for virtual sex. Maybe I simply have been rather unlucky only.

The only real help I see in your comment is: far fewer women tend to even want a virtual affair here, for the reasons you mentioned.
 
I like to get my jollies off and go my own way after a few hours that ok.... if I enjoyed it a lot I will reach back out to them
 
I think it really depends. A lot is hit or miss, meeting the right person in the right situation, understanding the limitations of a cyber relationship. I’ve had some that lasted years, some months, some days. I will say overall I have found good relationships here, but you have to just allow things to come naturally. Maybe you’re pushing too hard, expecting too much too fast?
 
I think it really depends. A lot is hit or miss, meeting the right person in the right situation, understanding the limitations of a cyber relationship. I’ve had some that lasted years, some months, some days. I will say overall I have found good relationships here, but you have to just allow things to come naturally. Maybe you’re pushing too hard, expecting too much too fast?

I've never taken out a personal ad looking for another person. I have posted in here, such as when I had a party for local Litsters.

I've had no problem connecting with people or making friends here. It just comes naturally.
 
Sometimes things just fizzle out. Sometimes the more you get to know someone the more you realize it’s not a great match for whatever reason. There are certain things I look for and if they aren’t there I am done with the possibility it can be more and try to steer it to more of a friendship.

It’s hard to find the right one. It takes a lot of patience and knowing exactly what you are looking for. Good luck to you.
 
I think it really depends. A lot is hit or miss, meeting the right person in the right situation, understanding the limitations of a cyber relationship. I’ve had some that lasted years, some months, some days. I will say overall I have found good relationships here, but you have to just allow things to come naturally. Maybe you’re pushing too hard, expecting too much too fast?

Dear slightly crazed, I thank you kindly for your remarks. I am sure what you wrote is right on the money: I have to allow things to develop naturally. And avoid pushing too hard.

All the best to you as well!
 
Sometimes things just fizzle out. Sometimes the more you get to know someone the more you realize it’s not a great match for whatever reason. There are certain things I look for and if they aren’t there I am done with the possibility it can be more and try to steer it to more of a friendship.

It’s hard to find the right one. It takes a lot of patience and knowing exactly what you are looking for. Good luck to you.

Thank you dear Longing Wife for your good luck wishes. And your message also was right on the money. I liked your second paragraph a lot; the essence I find of your message. My Good Luck wishes to you as well!
 
I hope all my experiences over the last four or five months have been atypical. Or that I have been an exceptionally unlucky fellow. Why? Because no conversation that got started lately, including with what seemed to be very sweet women, got anywhere at all.

Most disturbing I found is that some of them seemed to take off alright in the beginning. Not all by far, but some of them. And that seems really disappointing; you feel you are on the same wavelength with somebody, and then pouffff! Now I am not naïve and believe that every two people who begin talking must end up in a virtual bed together and live on happily with one another from this point on. But it seems for some newly found almost-couples, that should in fact be happening.

Considering what some women and some men here look for is a very understandable yearning for meaningful companionships. Not limited to sex only. So how come I have been so unlucky? Could it be – maybe – because more women than I would like to believe are plain scared to jump into a relationship, when one seems within reach?

I recall two such situations – a long time ago – when a real-life meeting became immanent, after a lot of mails back and forth. Situations when I blamed the failure to continue on her getting scared, and in another case me getting scared. Scared of the possibility of an "illicit" meeting consuming too much of us; more than we were prepared to invest in each other.

But why should that happen with a virtual-only relationship? After all, no RL meetings are contemplated, only at best an exchange of love letters. Can that become scary really? I wonder what you all think about this question, which has been bothering me a lot?

My suggestion is purely that , just a suggestion. Also a observation. As I read your signature panel , you are looking for a cheating online relationship. First glance , first impressions matter to whom ever crosses paths with it. Maybe clarification of what’ a what ....honesty. That works best.

Second , you have a writing talent , the role play section of the site has what you’ve described. Introduce yourself there , start a thread , .....that’s not real , so to speak , that’s not cheating emotionally or physically. That’s what you are hinting at as what you want so desperately. Unless you what to find another cheater and just can’t come ✍️ write out and put it to words.

http://forum.literotica.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10

U can also be any age or persona U want to in that realm , your writing abilities are the only limitations . If you want to be a swinger be a swinger. But don’t justify cheating by being sad that it’s just not working out for you.

:devil:
 
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Dear slightly crazed, I thank you kindly for your remarks. I am sure what you wrote is right on the money: I have to allow things to develop naturally. And avoid pushing too hard.

All the best to you as well!

Glad you found my thoughts useful. I do my best to treat my only friends/FWB/relationships the same way I do my in person ones. Most people (mainly women, but some men) would prefer to be “wined and dined” a bit...they want connection, conversation, familiarity, and most of all comfort, before they get into anything that has any element of seriousness. In the end, the slow burn relationships were by far and away the best. That long build up.....delicious. Best of luck to you!
 
Sometimes things just fizzle out. Sometimes the more you get to know someone the more you realize it’s not a great match for whatever reason. There are certain things I look for and if they aren’t there I am done with the possibility it can be more and try to steer it to more of a friendship.

It’s hard to find the right one. It takes a lot of patience and knowing exactly what you are looking for. Good luck to you.

Well spoken. When it clicks, it clicks...but if it doesn’t, then it just doesn’t.
 
My suggestion is purely that , just a suggestion. Also a observation. As I read your signature panel , you are looking for a cheating online relationship. First glance , first impressions matter to whom ever crosses paths with it. Maybe clarification of what’ a what ....honesty. That works best.

Second , you have a writing talent , the role play section of the site has what you’ve described. Introduce yourself there , start a thread , .....that’s not real , so to speak , that’s not cheating emotionally or physically. That’s what you are hinting at as what you want so desperately. Unless you what to find another cheater and just can’t come ✍️ write out and put it to words.

http://forum.literotica.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10

U can also be any age or persona U want to in that realm , your writing abilities are the only limitations . If you want to be a swinger be a swinger. But don’t justify cheating by being sad that it’s just not working out for you.

:devil:

This is one of the best things I've seen written on Lit in ages.
 
In my opinion? Unless all you are looking for is a cyber partner then yes it is near impossible to have a real relationship that is solely online.
 
I had a fantastic relationship that was entirely online/phone for a year, that started here. I actively finished it because we were getting more emotionally involved than was really tenable in our respective situations.
 
I do believe when people meet here online and are open with feelings and build trust together, then yes, it can not only work but creates something good together. That doesn't mean it's easy though.
 
A sincere thank you note

I find it very encouraging that ten different people posted their responses to my questions here. Thank you to those who gave and applied some of your effort to my problem; I truly appreciate that.

Most likely I am far too fixated on my problem: not having run into a woman yet, who thinks my way, who enjoys what I like to offer her, and who is looking for what I am looking for. The probability of this happening is extremely low, after all.

I'll try focusing on other matters more now, and I hope that this lady named Luck will motivate "my Ms. Write" to go on a search for ads like mine in the future, and that she will find me.

Thanks again very much to all who contributed with empathy.
 
I feel for you. Online is a scary and confusing place. And depending where you are on your online journey, you have acquired some online experience that will affect how you see things, and people.

My online journey started almost 3 years ago. I joined Lit to publish and had no clue people would end up chatting with me. I had been directed to the site by a friend and knew nothing about it. Next thing you know, I had droves of men messaging me and making me feel oh so sexy. This blew me away. I couldn't believe so many men could be attracted to ME. Eventually I realized many were just horny and would be attracted to just about anything. There's been an evolution in my online experience that has taught me a lot about myself and human nature. And as I meet new people, I see everyone is in a different spot in their own evolution. So it's a challenge finding someone who is in relatively the same spot in their evolution as you are.

And FYI, women get a lot of attention here, so if you want someone to connect with, you'll have to stand out. I suggest being as genuine as possible. Be the one who makes her laugh or who really wants to know how her day was. Don't just tell her she has nice tits. Every other guy out there is telling her the same thing. Be the one who gives a shit. And if it doesn't pan out, chances are you just weren't in the same spot in your evolution. Don't take it personally. And every experience will add to your evolution. It's a journey. Try to enjoy it🙂

Congratulations to you, Desiree, for having found that certain someone. I wish the two of you the best of luck in the future.

Thank you also for sharing with me your phase model of relationship formation. I had never looked at it this way before. Keep in mind though that sensible and intelligent women like you, are in a much more enviable position than men here.

But of course I recognize also your efforts, and your talents, as an author of highly believable erotic stories. I very much enjoy those of them that I read. Perhaps your huge popularity here had been driven far more by your writings than by your luck of being a woman. I am sure you deserve the very best for your future.
 
I had a fantastic relationship that was entirely online/phone for a year, that started here. I actively finished it because we were getting more emotionally involved than was really tenable in our respective situations.

Dear Kim, I thank you wholeheartedly for reading and understanding the latter part of my first post here. You are the only one who took notice of that.

I find it interesting that something similar had happened to you also. What a small world perhaps! I hope for you that everything is running well for you now. Cheers and best of luck for you in the future.
 
I’ve been on Lit a long time and have seen many things with online relationships, good and bad. I had one that lasted almost 10 years but I think that’s the exception. It does take a lot of effort to make it work; I agree with what others have said here, especially Desiree. You have to stand out - if you comment on a pic thread don’t say “nice tits, can’t wait to see more” :rolleyes:....and don’t sent a PM right away either. If she’s new, her PM box will already be full or yours will be lost in the shuffle. These things take time; while this a porn site I’ve never met a woman here that was ready to go to cyber sex or something else after 2-3 conversations. Be patient...:)

If you’re open to suggestions I may also say change the info on your signature line. Saying what you’re really wanting is a major turn off for a lot of women; yes, they know why we’re here but they don’t want you to be so obviously blatant. Put something in there interesting about yourself, giving folks an idea of who you are.

I don’t know where you post but if you have the time post on the threads (Playground, General Board, etc.). As you post people will get an idea of what you’re like and you’ll meet a lot of decent people here.

As other have said, be patient and you will find what you’re looking for. Good luck!
 
In my opinion? Unless all you are looking for is a cyber partner then yes it is near impossible to have a real relationship that is solely online.

Unless it evolves in a direction where both people intend to meet post-pandemic for anything ranging from short, steamy shenanigans to long lasting lengthy love.
 
I’ve been on Lit a long time ...... . Be patient...:)

If you’re open to suggestions I may also say change the info on your signature line. Saying what you’re really wanting is a major turn off for a lot of women; yes, they know why we’re here but they don’t want you to be so obviously blatant. Put something in there interesting about yourself, giving folks an idea of who you are.
.....
As other have said, be patient and you will find what you’re looking for. Good luck!

I really appreciate your effort posting here, mule. And I am open to suggestions, but not ones that do not make any sense to me. A woman not desiring a meaningful connection, like I do, is not a woman I want to meet.

And if you think about my desire for more than 15 seconds, it will occur to you that a connection is not just something I want. It includes a lot of giving from me to her just as well. It is a desire for mutuality, for giving and taking. A woman not in tune with this concept, is not a woman I care to get to know.
 
Unless it evolves in a direction where both people intend to meet post-pandemic for anything ranging from short, steamy shenanigans to long lasting lengthy love.

That is a different scenario than having an "online" virtual relationship.
 
Dear Kim, I thank you wholeheartedly for reading and understanding the latter part of my first post here. You are the only one who took notice of that.

I find it interesting that something similar had happened to you also. What a small world perhaps! I hope for you that everything is running well for you now. Cheers and best of luck for you in the future.

I think it was slightly different from the situations you outline. We weren't scared per se. Just that we were both married and neither of us wanted to compromise that. (Now I understand myself a bit, I know that loving more than one person at a time is entirely possible, and entirely right for me, but at the time I hadn't worked that out.) There was almost zero possibility of us meeting physically, for logistical reasons - to a large extent, that was what made the online/phone connection work so well, that we knew it couldn't possibly spill over into something physical, so we both told ourselves it didn't 'count' as cheating. Clearly that was a total fabrication, and the fact that I was cheating on my husband and spent most of that year not as engaged with my marriage as I should have been is the one thing I regret about the whole situation.
Things are different now. I think for the better.
 
I think it was slightly different from the situations you outline. We weren't scared per se. Just that we were both married and neither of us wanted to compromise that. (Now I understand myself a bit, I know that loving more than one person at a time is entirely possible, and entirely right for me, but at the time I hadn't worked that out.) There was almost zero possibility of us meeting physically, for logistical reasons - to a large extent, that was what made the online/phone connection work so well, that we knew it couldn't possibly spill over into something physical, so we both told ourselves it didn't 'count' as cheating. Clearly that was a total fabrication, and the fact that I was cheating on my husband and spent most of that year not as engaged with my marriage as I should have been is the one thing I regret about the whole situation.
Things are different now. I think for the better.

Thank you for your clarification, Kim. No two situationsare are ever exactly the same. I am glad things are diferent now for you now and better.
 
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