Lisa's Night Out story series

[hot_housewife]

New Story "Lisa's Night Out" part 1 of series

I have recently posted a new story in the BDSM section, titled "Lisa's Night Out ch. 01" and ch. 02 is waiting to be posted. This is my first story and a fantasy of mine. Would love to hear comments on the story and the ongoing series.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

The first thing you should do is post a link to the story. If you don’t know how, check out the FAQ section, but for now, here you are:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=113085

You can tell it’s a first story. While your enthusiasm comes through, you’ve got some basic problems with the writing:

(1) It’s not usual to have two different people speak in the same paragraph. The rule is, you start a new paragraph every time a different person speaks.
(2) More importantly, pick a verb tense and stick with it. You mix present and past tense not only in the same paragraph, but in the same sentence.

You’ve got some good stuff in here, some good detail, but the writing can be distracting, especially the verb tense business. Also, like I said, your enthusiasm comes through, so that’s something in your favor too. The reader can tell that this fantasy appeals to you, and that’s good.

It’s amazing how often this Big Mysterious Van fantasy comes up. Not that there’s anything wrong with using it—I’ve used it myself, so I’m not one to complain—but it’s almost like an archetype, like a rolling version of the infamous dungeons we always run into in BDSM.

---dr.M.

 

[fallon2]

Details

I sent you a pm but I also want to say that if you used more details from some of your own adventures that it would add even more credibility to your story. I liked it very much. Keep up the good work.