Limericks

[TWB]

Anyone out there know any good (sexual) limericks?

I will start with this one (for my 200th Post):

I once knew a man from Iraq
Who had holes down the length of his cock
When he got an erection
He played a selection
From Johann Sebastian Bach

 

[Moridin187]

These are my favorites

There once was a woman named Alice
Who used a dynamite stick as a phallus.
They found her vagina
Up in North Carolina,
And the rest of poor Alice in Dallas.

There once was a man from Peru
Who fell asleep in a canoe.
He dreamed of Venus,
And played with his penis,
And awoke with a handful of goo.

There once was a chap from Southall
Who's prick was incredibly small.
With a measuring rod
They found it was not
More than four-fifths of five-eights of fuck all.

There was a young man of Ghent,
Whose tool was so long that it bent.
To save himself trouble,
He put it in double,
And instead of coming, he went.

 

[TWB]

A gross one:

I once knew a woman from Aberdeen
(whose vagina wasn't kept very clean)
All the semen would dribble out
of her smelly old spout
which she scraped up and ate with saltines.






Gives me the willies every time I hear it. . .

 

[lazarus UK]

There was a young harlot of Kew,
Who filled her vagina with glue,
She said, with a grin
"If they'll pay to get in
They can pay to get out again too!"

 

[lovetoread]

Go here for some,

Peterbilt has posted some nice ones.

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=54230

 

[Dillinger]

There was an old man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

---------------------------

A couple who lived in Montclair
Liked to make love on the stair.
On the forty-fourth stroke,
The bannister broke,
And their son was conceived in midair.

---------------------------

There once was a fellow named Gene
who invented a fucking machine.
Concave and convex
it could please either sex
and it played with itself in between.

---------------------------

There once was a woman from Wheeling,
Who had no sexual feeling
'Til a man named Boris
Rubbed her clitoris
Now they're scraping her off of the ceiling.

---------------------------

A woman from North Carolina
Strung fiddle strings 'cross her vagina.
With proper-sized cocks,
What was sex became Bach's
Toccata and Fugue in D Minor.

 

[garyblue]

Complained a young thing from Morocco
My husband just eats steak Delmonico.
If God didn't intend
It be eaten by men,
Then why does it look like a taco?

All I can say is--thank God it doesn't look like an orange.

g

 

[TWB]

Once a man visited lit
who had touched never a clit
his eyes popped out
when he read about
all the things one could do with a tit