Light Bondage for Beginners

[Davenport]

Firstly if this is in the wrong forum...forgive me ...this is new to me...

My question:

Want to play....need pointers for light role play with Hubby...want him to be the Submissive ...again the emphasis is on 'light fun'

Can anyone point me in the right direction...

Thanks:

 

[AttentionWhore]

Davenport,
Try the BDSM board, especially the library section there.

 

[fsumusic1981]

Light fun, eh?

Have you talked to him about this yet? That'd probably be a good place to start...

Maybe try spanking. Lightly at first.

Peace

 

[DuckLover]

BDSM board is a great place for more in depth info from people who are experts in this area.

That said, light bondage is much more common than many people believe. The first key to having fun with it, like everything else, is good communication with your husband. Get his consent to try something new and exciting and let him know that he can call it quits at any moment. Then, try some of these fun, light bondage activities:

-- 'psychological' bondage-- no actual ropes or cuffs, just willpower. Tell him he has to sit on his hands or hold them behind his back; basically he isn't allowed to use his hands even though physically it's possible. Then you do whatever you want: dance, do a striptease, masturbate; give him head, kiss him, fuck him. If he moves his hands, you stop and back away. It's brutal on the receiving end, being teased like that, knowing it's possible to reach out but not being allowed to. This technique was my first experience with bondage. Lots of fun and totally safe for both of you.

-- quick-release handcuffs-- you can buy these at most adult toy store (metal) and many kids toy stores (plastic, look in the police dress up area). They will restrain his hands and/or secure them to some immovable object (bedpost?) but he can easily open them by pressing a release button on the cuff. Still very safe, but one step up from willpower. The cuffs allow him to pull against the bonds in a delightful way.

Once you're both comfortable with and enjoying these methods, then you can start to consider using ropes or real cuffs. Taking that step requires a lot more trust because the person tied up cannot get themself free.

SAFETY TIPS--

1) NEVER leave a person who is tied up alone. The risk to them if something happens (fire, earthquake, police at the door) is far too great.

2) Always have a 'safe-word' when beginning BDSM play. This is a word other than "no" or "stop" that means 'stop what's happening right now! This isn't fun anymore" The most commonly used word is "RED", but you can use anything the two of you prefer ("artichoke", "grandmother", etc). Many times during BDSM play, your partner may say 'no' or 'stop' as part of the scene and be perfectly happy for you to continue. Therefore, having the safe-word provides a indisputable method of stopping the action before anything bad happens.

Have fun!! (And be sure to tell us how it goes!)

 

[Etoile]

Actually, as somebody who frequents the BDSM board and comes over here pretty often too, I recommend that people interested in light bondage, and role-play, ask over here. The BDSM forum is a lot more geared toward lifestylers and hardcore heavy bondage and can be overwhelming for many beginners.

 

[Limbhugger]

Guess it depends on your definition of "light bondage." That could range from a session of teasing, denial, and taunting to binding wrists with neckties and open hand spanking.

I think Ducklover hit on a good point with the "psychological" side. Pretty much how it all starts.

Here is a really good website you might find useful. It may a little deeper than what you are looking for but you should still be able to pick out applicable bits of info.
http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html

Hope this helps. I have some other stuff but would need to more to know if any of it applies.

 

[BoundThySelf]

I have had a little experience but like you am still a novice. If you would like to share ideas and experiences, send me a message.

 

[Vixandra]

Never bind someone too tight, either. Always always make sure there is still cirulation at the end of the limb you've bound and check it periodically ( I prefer 15 min or so) to make sure there still is circulation.
Be careful of leaving marks either from your form of bondage (handcuff marks on wrists) or from "punshiment" (laticed stripes from a belt on the legs). These can result in a concerned person calling the police saying you're abusing you're s/o. Not a good thing.
Light bondage- I'd recommend a pair of fur lined hand cuffs or, as I prefer, a set of leather cuffs with D rings on them lined with faux fur. The cuffs can be picked up at any Spencers' or adult store. I got my leather cuffs at a Reinesance Faire though I'm sure you could find them online.
Safety must come first- part of a Dom/me's job, not matter how serious the play. The sub's safety is the responsibility of the dominant and the dom must be in control of the scene to prevent injury. Safe words are a must too, as others have said.

 

[Etoile]

Thanks for the reminder, Vixandra - your post about restraints reminded me about silk scarves.

Do not use silk scarves to tie somebody up. They are very easy to make too tight (especially if the sub is struggling they will tighten up) so you can't get them untied in an emergency. If you must use them, have scissors ready and be prepared to cut them if you need to (so don't use Grandma's heirloom scarves!).

 

[herecomestherain]

Got to confess we're just staring to explore so I'm not very experienced in this area but I'm good at research and there sure is a lot of info out there. You do need to sieve through it and personal recommendations can save you a lot of time.

Limbhugger's,

Here is a really good website you might find useful. It may a little deeper than what you are looking for but you should still be able to pick out applicable bits of info.

http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html
This is a great, well thought site. Lots of info. Nice find LH.

This is a FAQs that dates back a few years but is a good basic overview.
http://www.asstr.org/files/Collections/nifty/information/alt.sex.bondage-FAQ

Juliette at http://www.sandm.com/p/23.html has a nice approach to sharing info.

As Limbhugger said it might all be too much info but at least you get the whole picture and have lots to explore! Have fun.

 

[Limbhugger]

Got to confess we're just staring to explore so I'm not very experienced in this area but I'm good at research and there sure is a lot of info out there. You do need to sieve through it and personal recommendations can save you a lot of time.

Limbhugger's,
http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html
This is a great, well thought site. Lots of info. Nice find LH.

This is a FAQs that dates back a few years but is a good basic overview.
http://www.asstr.org/files/Collections/nifty/information/alt.sex.bondage-FAQ

Juliette at http://www.sandm.com/p/23.html has a nice approach to sharing info.

As Limbhugger said it might all be too much info but at least you get the whole picture and have lots to explore! Have fun.

Well thanks rain, that is a great site. Alas I can't take credit for discovering it as a very wise lady introduced me to it.

I look forward to browsing the links you've posted as well.

 

[ghosst_K&H]

How about trying the old "If I win, you're my slave for the night" gambit? This may be a way to test the waters, but make sure you gamble on something you're sure to win

I wouldn't recommend using handcuffs in any kind of bondage, the risk of damaging the nerves in the wrist outweigh the thrill of restraining your partner. I would recommend silk scarves, or stockings for the first time you tie him up, down, or any other position you like

Go for it, who knows, you may find yourself becoming more Dominant and him more submissive over time

 

[Hamletmaschine]

One thing you might try is something really light, like tying him down with thread or string that he could easily break. If you want him to submit, he has to do it voluntarily, anyway, and this can be a powerful experience, for both parties, and not in any way dangerous.

You have to explain what his punishment will be if he breaks the string, of course.

 

[Vixandra]

One thing you might try is something really light, like tying him down with thread or string that he could easily break. If you want him to submit, he has to do it voluntarily, anyway, and this can be a powerful experience, for both parties, and not in any way dangerous.

You have to explain what his punishment will be if he breaks the string, of course.

Very good idea, may have to try that!

 

[DuckLover]

Never bind someone too tight, either. Always always make sure there is still cirulation at the end of the limb you've bound and check it periodically ( I prefer 15 min or so) to make sure there still is circulation.

A good way to check is to attempt to squeeze two fingers under the binding. If you can get your fingers in there, the person's circulation should be fine. (Assuming they have normal, healthy circulation to begin. Avoid bondage with anyone with Renaud's Syndrome.)

Another good way to check circulation (and the method used by paramedics) is with capillary refill. Capillaries are the tiny blood vessels at the surface of the skin. Check by squeezing the end of the finger or toe so that the skin under the fingernails turns nearly white. When you release, the skin should turn pink again in 3 seconds or less. The amount of time it takes to say "capillary refill" is a good guide.

 

[freddyandeddy]

We began our experiences with a blindfold and a healthy imagination. From there, we progressed to light spanking (with a flogger and riding whip) and now we're trying the gag ball and leather cuffs. It's been a really fun time so far (kinky and naughty for a shy couple like us).

 

[Etoile]

I'm glad to hear you two are having so much fun!

 

[Limbhugger]

One thing you might try is something really light, like tying him down with thread or string that he could easily break. If you want him to submit, he has to do it voluntarily, anyway, and this can be a powerful experience, for both parties, and not in any way dangerous.

You have to explain what his punishment will be if he breaks the string, of course.

That is actually a killer idea!

The mental is always better than the physical.

 

[Etoile]

That is actually a killer idea!

The mental is always better than the physical.

I like the idea too, but there is DEFINITELY something to be said for being able to struggle against one's bonds

 

[uproar]

Using rubber bungees (the ones used to hold loads on car roofracks) to restrain is good.

They are quick to release, strong enough to struggle against and elastic to give the person restrained something to pull against.

Strange, but it works for me.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Interesting, and strangely practical. You could even post this in the handy-dandy household tips thread.

Makes me wonder if you're the same guy who posted the 'why don't they just use duct tape?' thread. And I say 'guy' advisedly. (btw, ever see a show called 'Red Green'? It's a Canadian take-off on those home repair shows, much of it involving unusual uses for duct tape -- nothing like here though.)
Ya know, there could be a whole 'hardware stuff for bdsm' thread -- bet there's some highly effective nipple clamps to be found at yer average Home Depot.

Anyway, you are all highly creative, and I love the idea of using what's available at-hand for play with a greater feeling of spontaneity. One of the things that made me shy away from following my bdsm proclivities further, was distaste for the equipment, and for what seemed to be a fetish and focus on it over the people involved, that I thought I saw in the community (certainly in the pics you see online). You guys have given me a different perspective.
We always just used stockings, or even long sport socks if a bondage mood struck one of us, as we're not much for preplanning (now I know to be careful of those stockings). Never thought of looking in the garage!

 

[Etoile]

Ya know, there could be a whole 'hardware stuff for bdsm' thread -- bet there's some highly effective nipple clamps to be found at yer average Home Depot.

Actually, I'm pretty sure there have been threads along those lines in BDSM Talk! You might check the Library over there (it's a sticky thread) to see if the threads are still around.

And yes, do stay away from silk as a restraint...it's just too dangerous. Sure, the chances that something will happen are slim, but why take the risk at all?

 

[Davenport04]

Thank you guys...sorry it has taken me so long to reply...had problems with my sign on....some people have emailed me at the Davenport address but I can't access... so I was not able to be respond....so I have had to change my name to Davenport04...so if anyone has emailed the other address please email this new one and I promise to respond ...

Again appreciate all the great words of wisdom...watch this space....

 

[AGivingTree]

Mmm... I'm not into bondage, but even I have to say that the idea of being tied up with silk scarves, string, or even just psychologically, and then being artfully teased is delectable.