Light and rather tasteless relief

[scheherazade_79]

It's been tense in here for the last 48 hours, so courtesy of Viz's Profanisaurus, here are some terms and phrases that will bring sparkle to any erotic fiction writer's craft.



A

a bit more choke and she would have started exclam.
Humorous expression to be used after one has just launched a particularly loud and/or prolonged air biscuit.

Argosm n.
A joyless, spirit-sapping orgasm achieved using a catalogue.

arsecons n.
Of information technology, those computer keyboard symbols used illustratively to indicate the condition of an arse. e.g. Normal arse (_!_) Lard arse (__!__) Tight arse (!) Sore arse (_*_) Slack arse (_o_) etc.

audition the finger puppets v.
To be said of a woman engaging in solo sex. Synonmous with shuffling the Kit-Kat.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Ba


back door conquistador n.
One who enjoys a trip up the Cadbury Canal.

backfire v.
To fart; blow-off.

bacon bazooka n.
Penis; pork sword; the pink oboe.

barber's sandwich n.
A badly pruned muff, from its resemblance to a buttered bap inadvertantly dropped onto the lino in a hairdressers.

bargain bucket n.
An overemployed and overstretched vagina; welly top.

 

[nyte_byrd]

Ba
bacon bazooka n.
Penis; pork sword; the pink oboe.

BWA-HAHAHA!! Yep, those are exactly the kind of phrases I've been looking for to write a truly sexy story:

"Yeah baby, I'm gonna blow off your head with my Bacon Bazooka, and then you can fence with my brother's Pork Sword!"

Too sexy.

 

[SilencedNeeds]

 

[TxRad]

I've never heard of a lard arse before.

And who said the AH wasn't educational......

BTW: welcome aboard there Sn......

 

[australwind]

I've never heard of a lard arse before.

Must be a particularly "english" term of endearment....

 

[rgraham666]

bacon bazooka n.
Penis; pork sword; the pink oboe.

Thinking.

Yes.

I would rather have my eyes burnt out with hot pokers than use any of these terms in a story of mine.

Joking.

Mostly.

 

[Vermilion]

Must be a particularly "english" term of endearment....

tis. Lard = solid blocks of fat from animals, used for doing roast potatoes etc.
therefore a 'Lard Arse' is a person with a very fatty bottom.
We have some great insults.

 

[Stella_Omega]

barber's sandwich n.
A badly pruned muff, from its resemblance to a buttered bap inadvertantly dropped onto the lino in a hairdressers.

Off the subject, but- what the hell is a "bap" please?

 

[BustyLaTarte]

And "Cadbury Canal" must be the British "Hershey Highway." Ooh, I feel so...continental!

 

[SilencedNeeds]

 

[scheherazade_79]

Off the subject, but- what the hell is a "bap" please?

A bap is a soft round bread roll. If you stuff it with chips (fries) it becomes a chip butty

 

[scheherazade_79]

Be -


beef curtains n.
Of women's genitalias, those folds of skin known as the labia minora.

biddy fiddler n.
A fellow who prefers the company of ladies who are of sufficient maturity that they can ride the bus for free during off-peak periods.

big cock day n.
A day, quite possibly in spring, the arrival of which is greeted with the dawn horn, and throughout which the sap continues to rise. For example: 'As he wrestled himself into his shreddies, D'Arcy knew it was going to be a big cock day'. (Pride And Prejudice by Jane Austin) .

bum gravy n.
Diarrhoea; rusty water.

 

[scheherazade_79]

C

cafetiere, the n.
The motion of pushing a lady's head south against a certain amount of resistance.

camel's foot n.
Of leggings and tight jeans, those mounds and crevices generated in a ladies crotch when they are pulled up too tight. Also Camel's toes. See also Twix lips.

chapel hat pegs sim.
To describe large, erect nipples. As in "Phoarr! She had nipples like chapel hat pegs". Also pygmies' cocks; Scammel wheel nuts.

chase the cotton mouse v.
To have the painters in; flags out; surf the crimson wave.

chocolate starfish n.
Rusty sheriff's badge (qv); Bovril bullet hole

copper bolt v.
Very heavy or solid stool.

crab ladder n.
Any public hair which extends to the navel.

costume drama n.
The frantic behaviour of a woman who cannot decide what to wear for a party.

cranberry dip n.
A special recipe for hairy pie (qv) available only during rag week (qv).

curtain rings n.
Pierced labia.

 

[Aurora Black]

For example: 'As he wrestled himself into his shreddies, D'Arcy knew it was going to be a big cock day'. (Pride And Prejudice by Jane Austin) .

I must have missed that part.

 

[Aurora Black]

chase the cotton mouse

BWAHAHA!

 

[scheherazade_79]

E

Eartha Kitts rhym. slang
The shits. A form of diarrhoea accompanied by deep, throaty flatulence.

F

finding a peanut in a kebab euph.
Descriptive of the difficulty encountered when a gentleman attempts to locate the wail switch during foreplay.

fist of fury n.
Of a gentleman with a restricted wank window, for example whilst his missus has just nipped next door for a cup of sugar, a mindlessly violent act of self abuse carried out in a sort of masturbatory red mist. An armbreaker, bishoprage, power wank.

forget-me-nots n.
The final notes in a Chinese singing lesson (qv); droplets which form a tiny but embarrassing wet patch on your trousers.

 

[scheherazade_79]

G

gentleman's relish n.
A polite term for jizz (qv), as might be used by society folk at a tea party.

ghost shit n.
Stool or dump of which there is no trace when you stand up and turn round to admire it. Compare crowd pleaser.

Glaswegian salad n.
Chips.

gusset typist n.
A woman who wanks. Also gusset pianist. As in "I've heard she plays the gusset piano". Also to indulge in a spot of Australian DJing.