Life of Riches

[HiddenParadise]

I would like for you out there to read this continuing story line and let me know what you think. I would like constructive criticism along with any possible questions you may have. I appreciate your assistance and hope that you like what I have written. The title of the series is "Life of Riches" as it says at the top and as of now there are only three episodes (one of which I just submitted and is now pending). Thank you. ~ HiddenParadise.

Episode 1
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=189219
Episode 2
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=189661

I hope those links work. I'm not very good at forums.

 

[msboy8]

Why are they in that first room? The story needs to be set up, IMHO. You don't say that they are in a cafe until they leave.

"She began shifting her hips back and forth, grinding herself against him as her moans soon became screams of pleasure and pain. She was in complete heaven as her vagina felt every inch of his girth rubbing against her sides."

You need to explain why she's feeling pain. Is he extraordinally large? Is she a virgin?

There are a few words misspelled, changing their meaning. A good idea would be to send you stories to an editor before you submit them. Keep writing.