Letters to the local authority.

[Octavian]

It goes without saying that most of us can write a competent letter. Spare a thought then for the housing department of the London Borough of Hackney. These are genuine extracts from letters that they have received.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
Can you please tell me when our repairs are going to be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother.
I want some repairs doing to my cooker as it backfired and burnt my knob off.
The toilet is blocked and we can’t bath the children until it is cleared.
The man next door has a large erection in his back garden which is unsightly and dangerous.
Will you please send someone to mend our broken path as my wife tripped and fell on it and she is now pregnant.
Our kitchen floor is very damp and we have two children and we would like a third so will you please send somebody round to do something about it.
I need money to buy special food for my husband as he is unable to masturbate his food.
I am pleased to inform you that my husband who was reported missing, is dead.
Sir, I am forwarding my marriage certificate and two children-one of which is a mistake as you will see.
Unless I get my husband’s maintenance money soon I shall be obliged to live an immortal life.
Please forward my money at once as I have fallen into errors with my landlord and milkman.
You have changed my little boy into a little girl. Will this matter?
In accordance with your instructions I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
I am very annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate.This is a lie as I married his father a week before he was born.
The toilet seat is cracked. Where do I stand?
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

No, I haven't made them up!

Octavian

 

[MathGirl]

Hur, hur

Dear Oc,
Oh, those are great! Some of them write almost as bad as DurtGurl.
MG

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Ohmagawd!

rofl
rofl
rofl

Those were almost as bad as the lady who phoned the support center of the company from which she had bought her computer, and complained that the screen of her computer had suddenly gone completely black, and she couldn't see to save the Word-file she was writing on.

After several attempts to help her, the support technician asked her to check if the cable between the monitor and the computer was securely in place, and she replied that she couldn't see anything, because the electricity had gone out, and she was sitting in the dark...

 

[Coralee]

Ohmagawd!

rofl
rofl
rofl

Those were almost as bad as the lady who phoned the support center of the company from which she had bought her computer, and complained that the screen of her computer had suddenly gone completely black, and she couldn't see to save the Word-file she was writing on.

After several attempts to help her, the support technician asked her to check if the cable between the monitor and the computer was securely in place, and she replied that she couldn't see anything, because the electricity had gone out, and she was sitting in the dark...

That computer story is probably true and is enough to give me nightmares. I just finished a job a support tech and if people could only hear some of the stupid things people call in about.

Example:
I'm not getting any picture on the screen.
Have you checked the connections?
Yes.
After 30 minutes of trouble shooting....Sir, could I just get you to look at the back of the PC and tell me where the monitor is plugged in....Guy looks and starts laughing....I think I found the problem Ma'am...thank you for your help and hangs up.

And many dozens more just like that.....gives me the shivers.

Coralee

 

[wildsweetone]

Our kitchen floor is very damp and we have two children and we would like a third so will you please send somebody round to do something about it.

and thus, the original meaning of 'Getting a man in' was born.

oh rats, there's a flipping story in that. grrrr like i haven't enough to do!


i haven't laughed so much for ages, thanks dear!

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Support Report

Costumer: "Hi, is this the support center?"
Support: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Costumer: "Rhe cup-holder on my PC is broken, and the warranty is still good. How can I fix this?"
Support: "Excuse me, did you say cup-holder?"
Costumer: "Yes, the one on the front of my computer."
Support: "You'll have to excuse me, I'm a bit confused here. Where did you get this cup-holder? At an exhibition of some sort? Does it have any brand printed on it?"
Costumer: "No, it came with the computer. I don't know anything about any exhibition. And the only thing it says on it is 4X."

At this point in time, the support center worker had to disconnect the costumer for a moment, because he couldn't take it any more. The costumer had used the CD-ROM disc-holder to hold his coffee cup, and now he had broken it...

And this man is allowed to drive and vote..?

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Computer Support "Should-I-Laugh-Or-Cry? - stories

The first computer the little company has ever had needs to be replaced. The new machine is in place, with all the programs installed. The secretaries have, as instructed, made safety back-ups on all the information that was on the old computer. Before they throw the computer out, they smash the hard disk to pieces, to make sure that no-one will be able to steal any kind of infromation about the company from it.
Now, they take out the back-up floppy disks with all the files, all the information regarding the company, on them. To be on the safe side, they have made double copies of the floppy disks. All the disks have been numbered and punched through and organized in two separate folders...

* * * * * * * * * *

The little company was having problems registrating orders. The support consultant asked them to send him a copy of the disk, so that he could see what was wrong.
After half an hour, he received a fax, with a copy of the front of the disk, along with a handwritten message: "The disk wouldn't fit into the fax, so we had to copy it before we faxed it to you."

* * * * * * * * * *

Costumer: "These floppy disks are so complicated!"
Technician: "What do you mean?"
Costumer: "Well, first you have to get them out of the box, then bend the metalstrip away, take out the little featehr, the two plastic wrappings, and then cut away the brown protective plastic. Just to get to one measily little disk!!!"

* * * * * * * * * *

A man calls his internet support center.

"Whenever I try to start Netscape, I get a message saying that the modem isn't responding, and that I should check the cables," he says.
"Okey... Have you checked that all the cables are securely fastened on the modem?" says the support center worker.
"About that," says the man. "What's a modem?"

The man had ordered an internet subscription (is that the word?), without realizing that he also needed a modem.

At least he had a computer. I heard about one guy who bought the internet subscription and the modem, and then went home to surf the internet. But he didn't have a computer...

 

[Coralee]

Customer: I can't get on the internet.
Tech: Who do you have your interent through?
Cust: What do you mean?
Tech: Well you need an internet service to get on the internet. Have you signed up with anyone?
Cust: Yeah it's (manufacturer's name)....I took the PC out of the box, set it up and tried to go on the internet.
Tech: Sir that's just the name of the PC, you need to sign up with an Internet Service Provider.
Cust: No it comes with the PC....it says it's internet ready!
Tech: Sir it's like this: you can have a phone and you can have a phone line...but without a phone company, you're not goin anywhere!

 

[jfinn]

It's not always the consumer who makes the mistake. A few years ago a friend of mine bought a well known brand of PC. He's was having a few problems with the installation, his registration number wasn't being accepted so he called support. Instead of getting the company though he got a porn service. Apparently the number for the company was correct, but instead of using an 800 area code, they'd used a 900.

When he finally got ahold of them they told him they'd thought they'd found all the PC's that had the wrong number. Obviously they hadn't. Oh yes, and they did reimburse him the 25 bucks it cost him to figure out the girl on the other end moaning "I'm cumming!" wasn't an overly friendly tech support person.

True story, I was there.

Jayne

 

[Pookie]

It goes without saying that most of us can write a competent letter. Spare a thought then for the housing department of the London Borough of Hackney. These are genuine extracts from letters that they have received.

<snip>

No, I haven't made them up!

Octavian

You promised me you would never post those letters I wrote! I thought you were my friend?

Pookie the functional illiterate.

 

[Octavian]

illiterate?

originally posted by pookie_grrl

Pookie the functional illiterate.

So your Mum and Dad weren't married, either!

Octavian

 

[Pookie]

Re: illiterate?

originally posted by pookie_grrl

So your Mum and Dad weren't married, either!

Octavian

Now you are just trying to be spiteful. They were to married. Just not to each other.

Pookie the errr .... ummm ...


EDITED TO ADD:

Apology to Octavian for making him think I was upset.

 

[Octavian]

Originally posted by pookie_grrl

Now you are just trying to be spiteful.

No, Pookie, I would never knowingly be spiteful to you. I was only trying to be funny.
Octavian

 

[Pookie]

Originally posted by pookie_grrl
No, Pookie, I would never knowingly be spiteful to you. I was only trying to be funny.
Octavian

Opps ... I thought I had a winking smilie in my last post.

My bad. I was just kidding around. Too many final exams to study for today. <sigh>

<going back to my room now>

Pookie

 

[Croctden]

True brillance

I once read a history paper that was made up of random sentences that teachers had received in their students papers. Columbus cursed the seven seas, Abraham Lincoln has been dead from 1865 until the present, etc.

There was one that was truly above and beyond all others, and I'll never forget it: "The sun never set on the British Empire because British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West."

God bless America. Right? Ehh? Come on people... oh never mind.