Letters to Santa.

[complicity]

I thought it was time to set something up for you all to help you get your letters to Santa. Sexy, funny, or genuine, it matters not. But remember…If you have been naughty or nice this year, been good or bad girls and boys, Santa knows and sees all, so remember to tell the truth. Yes I know it’s a bit early but before you all start going all “Bah… humbug” on me remember… you have to get them in or Santas helpers wont have time to pull their get their cocks out (randy lil bastards these elves) and get all your letters read in time.




Dear Santa,

Please could you get my lady an upgrade for her sex-drive. Her current one is ok but can’t keep up with the sexual awareness package that you brought me last year! I would also like a bigger cock (about 12 inch’s should do it), that’ll be a joint present for both of us! Oh... and a longer pointier tongue, just to lap up every last drop of cum, from my lady’s pussy. Oh yeah… and while were on that subject… this year would you please not fuck her and send her home drunk as a skunk? Last year on Christmas Eve she came home in a right state with cum running out of the crotchless knickers you gave her, and down her leg. She said that Santa had given her one (I assume an early Christmas present that is) for being really good. She knows that I believe in you, and said that she thought I wouldn’t mind, under the circumstances, me wanting to keep in you good books and all. Look, I’m all for rewarding good behaviour but please… sticky seconds from a fat old bastard who’s a few centuries old is not my idea of a good Christmas Eve fuck you old cunt. Go fuck Mrs Clause after the work is done! You degenerate old bastard!

Regards

Compicity

PS. Don’t suppose I’ll be getting the bigger cock this Crimbo now?




Merry Christmas to you all.

 

[complicity]

Here are a few letters that Santa has already replied to...


deer santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.
How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write?
I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
***********************

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year,
and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
**********************

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy


Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom,
who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get
you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with
those?
Santa
*************************

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree,
and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
Santa
**************************

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I give
them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where
I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking
myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing
money at the craps table.
Santa
P.S: Tell your mom she got the part.
***************************

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping,
do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
your house.
Santa
************************

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE
could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa
***********************

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass
kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

 

[complicity]

Awww... c'mon you lot!

Is there no one that believes in Santa anymore?

 

[complicity]

Obviously not!

Last bump, and then I’ll abandon the thread as a lost cause if there are no takers.

Seemed a good idea at the time too!

 

[Kiss Me]

Dear Santa,

I won't say I've been good, but I'm definitely deserving. I need a variety of things this year, so I hope you've got your list handy. More sleep would definitely be appreciated as would less crap on late night tv. Would you be able to add a few zeros to my bank balance? Two or three would be fine. There's some bills on the fridge I'd love you take care of as well, while you've got your wallet open. Could you also have a look in my wardrobe and replace all those clothes hanging in there with ones that actually fit? That would come in so handy next time I'm trying to find something to wear. Oh and if you wouldn't mind I'd like to upgrade the elves you left me for self-cleaning, self-feeding, self-entertaining, better mannered models? Plus the littlest one seems to have a random fluid leak I'd love you to take care of...... That's about all I need Santa, though feel free to do anything else you think would be helpful. The windows need a polish if you've got a free minute or two.

Love

Kiss

 

[Lloyd2004]

Well {{{{comp}}} since your giving I just need .........ummmm....
well I don't think I need anything.
Life has been pretty good to me, just a few good parties and all is ok.
Lloyd


P.S. {{{ Kiss}}} forgot to ask for a huge supply of goodies for the little kisses!

 

[Kiss Me]

Hi Lloyd, Santa will undoubtedly provide everything the littlest Kisses need.... unless they don't listen to the threats and bribes to improve their behaviour from upper management. It's the best time of year for the old "You better behave or ..." threat.

I heard a new one while shopping today which stunned me though. A woman in front of me told her 6/7 year old if he didn't behave Santa was going to shit in his stocking!!!

 

[Ammo44]

Hi Lloyd, Santa will undoubtedly provide everything the littlest Kisses need.... unless they don't listen to the threats and bribes to improve their behaviour from upper management. It's the best time of year for the old "You better behave or ..." threat.

I heard a new one while shopping today which stunned me though. A woman in front of me told her 6/7 year old if he didn't behave Santa was going to shit in his stocking!!!

I'll take coal instead!!!

 

[Joey3308]

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend,

BiLLy


Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa



Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa



Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane, do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

Santa



Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.

Santa



Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.

Santa



Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa



Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know When we're awake, like in the song?

Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.

I'm skipping your house.

Santa



Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

Timmy

Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that Crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa



Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love,
Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,
Santa