letter to HR- comments/advice wanted

[FloggingMolly]

Sorry for a boring topic but I wondered if you smart people could cast a critiqueing eye over this for me please.

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Dear X



Re: Your letter dated 29/10/10

I would like to ask for this probation extension to be reconsidered. After receiving your letter, I discussed it with my manager who informed me that it had been decided by Head Office because I had not covered additional hours and shifts. I feel this is unjustified.

My contract is 16 hours per week. In the 25 weeks I have now been in this employment, I have worked on average 21.72 hours a week, with some weeks at 30+ hours. This includes covering staff sickness and holidays, as well as staying late to help on busy days, process deliveries and allow other staff members to leave early due to sickness or family emergencies, sometimes at as little as ten minutes notice.

I have only been absent due to two days sickness, once in October due to high fever/suspected flu virus, and in August after abdominal surgery. I returned to work on the fifth day after my operation, even though advised by the hospital that it was reasonable to expect to need two weeks off, to help my team and ensure others did not have to cover my shifts. I have also attended work after being involved in a motorbike accident on my journey to the store. I am committed to my team and job.

Although not always possible, I do my best to be available to cover for other staff if necessary. I always work any overtime I am rostered for, even though I am only contractually obliged to work 16 hours per week, as I wish to be helpful and an asset to both my team and the company.

Any consideration that could be given to reviewing this matter would be greatly appreciated. My manager has expressed satisfaction with my work, I get on well with my colleagues, and the hours that I have worked prove that I frequently cover more shifts than my contract states.

Many thanks for your time.

Yours sincerely

Molly
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[the captians wench]

On strictly a literary note, the fact that every paragraph starts with "I" is a block for me. I would rework sentences to fix that.

My brain is shut down today, so I don't really have more right now.

sorry

 

[bhndblueyes88]

"as my manager told me that she has no issues at all with my work"....

This doesn't necessarily come off sounding like something professional and honest. It sounds a bit like you are "extending" the lack of dissatisfaction to make you sound better. Additionally, you want to keep anything negative about you as far from their minds as possible. I would rework this statement into a positive statement instead of anegative one. Something like "my manager has only expressed satisfaction with my work"

does that make sense? I have a tendency not to explain myself well and I have a feeling I'm doing so atm :/

As an additional thought, you might want to rework your sentances so they start with "I" less. It makes you sound 1) self centered (which, in this case, I think you should be, but that doesn't mean you want to sound that way) and 2) it gives a more "Ranty" tone, which makes them less likely to take you seriously.

 

[FloggingMolly]

The reason I'd had the 'no issues at all' bit was because it was a direct quote and therefore if it goes back to my manager, she can't try and twist it (she's like that).

Will definately try a rework for the I's.

 

[MisterSir]

My inexperienced eye suggests:

After receiving your letter dated XX/XX/XX, I am writing to request that my probation extension to be reconsidered. I have discussed the issue wth my manager, who informed me that it had been decided by Head Office because I had not covered additional hours and shifts. I feel this is unjustified.

My contract states that I am to work 16 hours per week. In the 25 weeks I have now been in this position, I have worked on average a little over 21 hours a week, with some weeks at 30+ hours. This has included covering staff sickness and holidays, as well as staying late to help on busy days, process deliveries and allow other staff members to leave early due to sickness or family emergencies, sometimes at as little as ten minutes notice.

I have only been absent twice, both due to sickness: on October XX due to high fever/suspected flu virus, and on August XX after abdominal surgery. I returned to work on the fifth day after my operation, even though advised by the hospital that it was reasonable to expect to need two weeks off, to help my team and ensure others did not have to cover my shifts. I have also attended work after being involved in a motorbike accident on my journey to the store. I feel this demonstrates my commitment to my team and job.

Although I cannot always do so, I do my best to be available to cover for other staff. I have worked all overtime I have been rostered for, as I wish to be helpful and an asset to both my team and the company.

In the light of the above, I would be grateful if this extension could be given some reconsideration. My manager has expressed great satisfaction with my work, I get on well with my colleagues, and the hours that I have worked prove that I frequently cover more shifts than my contract states.

Many thanks for your time.

Yours sincerely

Be specific with the dates if you can. It helps to have something like that to point to. Some of the above is stuff I thought was a bit clunky or didn't fit properly. In the second-last paragraph, it's changed to past tense to point out that hey, you've done this all already, it's not just a hypothetical. Hope you can use some of that.

 

[FloggingMolly]

MS, love yours! I think its always way harder to write something like this when you're emotionally involved, you know?

 

[bhndblueyes88]

The reason I'd had the 'no issues at all' bit was because it was a direct quote and therefore if it goes back to my manager, she can't try and twist it (she's like that).

Will definately try a rework for the I's.

Ahh! Well if it' a direct quote that's different. And since it is a direct quote, I would put it in quotations and notate it!! That way they know that's exactly what she said.

 

[buxxxom]

In addition to the corrections already mentioned, I'd add changing the words process and allow in the second paragraph to processing and allowing.

 

[VelvetSin]

Depending on how strict your corporate office tends to run, I would suggest adjusting the following sentence or removing it completely.

I returned to work on the fifth day after my operation, even though advised by the hospital that it was reasonable to expect to need two weeks off, to help my team and ensure others did not have to cover my shifts.

The company I work for has a specific statement in the employee handbook that states employees are not to return to work against medical orders. It is there due to a risk of (re)injury on company property that could make it a workman's comp issue. Inclusion of the above sentence should not hinder your specific request, but it may tweak some HR-types' noses to think someone was on the job against medical advice and may not put them in the friendly state of mind you're hoping for.

If circumstances are different across the pond, though, please disregard this suggestion. I'm not familiar with UK employment practices.

 

[where]

what's the contex? (if you can say). and i want MrSir to be my PA.

 

[FloggingMolly]

Well, I was told by the manager it was all head offices doing, and nothing to do with her, yet the assistant manager and supervisor both told me that the manager called head office herself and pushed for me to have my probation extended. Is that what you meantt by the context?

Re: return to work, the hospital said I could go as soon as I felt up to it, but that it could take up to two weeks before I did. Does that make sense?