Let's Talk About... Outing The Players

[Wild_Honey_66]

**PLEASE NOTE: this is a discussion thread, NOT a big reveal thread.
If you want to name names, go start your own thread.
Kthx errbody.

To begin: in light of recent events, it seems a good time to start a thread where we can discuss and debate the pros and cons of outing the accused like calm, rational adults. These situations tend to be complicated, ugly, and painful, and almost always end up unearthing a surprise or two.

I think it's better to have a place to think out loud about these matters and to ask for and receive wisdom and input from others, than to go rushing headlong into any decision in the heat of the moment that might end in regret somewhere down the road.

Please, please, let's keep this civilized. If you feel yourself beginning to lose your temper, put down your phone, close your laptop, whatever. But get away for a while and come back later. Agreed? Good.

Okay, let's get started by coming up with a working definition for 'player,' shall we? ...

 

[PaulieJay]

I'm confused (& maybe this thread isn't for me) not sure what the recent events are, but if "outing the players" means what I think it does, wow I was thinking of creating a post like this

 

[PrettyLilPussy]

May I ask for a definition of Player as it relates to this thread.

1. So I can try to sound smart.
2. So I can make sure I'm not one.

Ok thanks!

 

[OldUncleJack]

Mmm..this thread won't cause any drama!

 

[LostGirlTink]

Just a reminder in case anyone needs it, I'm the friend that will help you move bodies.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Mmm..this thread won't cause any drama!

Hush it, mister.

The drama is already out there like the proverbial elephant that nobody wants to discuss, so they just post passive-aggressively on the Dear Litster thread and nothing gets resolved. Normally it's just part of the Lit landscape and I go along my merry way. But this happens to be an important issue, relevant to a lot of people for more than the obvious reasons.

So, better, I think, to address it head-on. Thoughts?

 

[PaulieJay]

May I ask for a definition of Player as it relates to this thread.

1. So I can try to sound smart.
2. So I can make sure I'm not one.

Ok thanks!

Bingo lol

 

[OldUncleJack]

Hush it, mister.

The drama is already out there like the proverbial elephant that nobody wants to discuss, so they just post passive-aggressively on the Dear Litster thread and nothing gets resolved. Normally it's just part of the Lit landscape and I go along my merry way. But this happens to be an important issue, relevant to a lot of people for more than the obvious reasons.

So, better, I think, to address it head-on. Thoughts?

Mmm..not sure.. I'm thinking I'll just hunker down in your cottage and play my guitar!

 

[FortybutNice]

I’m also interested in the definition of ‘player’. Is there any particular etiquette on Lit regarding playing with or flirting with more than one person? I haven’t reached that stage with anybody and may never do, but I would hate to hurt anybody’s feelings. It must be difficult to regulate, since we’re all from different countries and presumably had different upbringings.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

I'm confused (& maybe this thread isn't for me) not sure what the recent events are, but if "outing the players" means what I think it does, wow I was thinking of creating a post like this

Welcome back. Hope everything is cool with you.


They are upset with dudes that lie to them, sneaking around telling them they are the only one and behind the scenes having other women. You won't have that problem, because you're straight up. A lot of them have been ghosted and played, they have been grouping up together, talking about it in pm and probably outside of LIT.

 

[PrettyLilPussy]

It's not just guys but it is all lies.
I try to be up front and honest. I expect the same. If I feel like someone is being sneaky - which is completely unnecessary- then I pull back.

 

[ydahecnot]

I hark back to my post on another thread about outing stuff from PM world, in general, not being good for a message board.

Beyond that, most of us are here on the down-low. In light of that, the concept of Lit fidelity is kinda strained. I savor the moments I have with a woman here, and don’t know and don’t care who else she may be talking to. Others’ mileage may vary.

Yes, it would be hard to argue that what Ronster did and what Ravi and his incarnations did shouldn’t have been outed. But considering making outing a more acceptable thing risks the board being filled with breakup recriminations, regardless who may be at fault and whether Lit infidelity was truly an issue. It could lead to people being tarred who do not deserve it.

In short, in general it is best to be an adult, settle things in PM land and move on to the next adventure

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I'm confused (& maybe this thread isn't for me) not sure what the recent events are, but if "outing the players" means what I think it does, wow I was thinking of creating a post like this

Hey Paulie! Stick around and join in the convo.

May I ask for a definition of Player as it relates to this thread.

1. So I can try to sound smart.
2. So I can make sure I'm not one.

Ok thanks!

Just a reminder in case anyone needs it, I'm the friend that will help you move bodies.

Hi girls!

I'm thinking a player is different than a man-whore (or woman whore) in that the latter are open about the fact that they are involved with multiple partners. They may be discreet, but they don't purposely deceive any of them into thinking they're being exclusive, or that they their intentions are different than what they actually are. How is that for a start?

For example, Uncle Jack may have at one time had a busy social schedule, but to my knowledge, he wasn't a player.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

**PLEASE NOTE: this is a discussion thread, NOT a big reveal thread.
If you want to name names, go start your own thread.
Kthx errbody.

To begin: in light of recent events, it seems a good time to start a thread where we can discuss and debate the pros and cons of outing the accused like calm, rational adults. These situations tend to be complicated, ugly, and painful, and almost always end up unearthing a surprise or two.

I think it's better to have a place to think out loud about these matters and to ask for and receive wisdom and input from others, than to go rushing headlong into any decision in the heat of the moment that might end in regret somewhere down the road.

Please, please, let's keep this civilized. If you feel yourself beginning to lose your temper, put down your phone, close your laptop, whatever. But get away for a while and come back later. Agreed? Good.

Okay, let's get started by coming up with a working definition for 'player,' shall we? ...

The issue I have with us people choosing sides, without hearing both sides of the story. Many times I see one person hurt publicly posting about it, many people take their side without knowing what the other side of the story is. Me myself I always wonder what's the other half of the story.



Players as far as ladies on LIT are lying guys, who secretly have other women and ghost them to move on to the next conquest

 

[ydahecnot]

I have never ghosted; when I have broken up, I have explained why. On the other hand, I have been ghosted a few times

 

[FortybutNice]

So it appears that plain decency and honesty is what’s generally seen to be acceptable behaviour? Personally, I have no problem with users warning others that they have been lied to by somebody but I would expect the person outing another to be sure of their facts first. Sadly, there will always be people taking sides, whatever we try to do to avoid it - that’s human nature.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I hark back to my post on another thread about outing stuff from PM world, in general, not being good for a message board.

Beyond that, most of us are here on the down-low. In light of that, the concept of Lit fidelity is kinda strained. I savor the moments I have with a woman here, and don’t know and don’t care who else she may be talking to. Others’ mileage may vary.

Yes, it would be hard to argue that what Ronster did and what Ravi and his incarnations did shouldn’t have been outed. But considering making outing a more acceptable thing risks the board being filled with breakup recriminations, regardless who may be at fault and whether Lit infidelity was truly an issue. It could lead to people being tarred who do not deserve it.

In short, in general it is best to be an adult, settle things in PM land and move on to the next adventure

First of all, did you read my OP? We're discussing here, we're not outing.

Secondly, I don't think any of us are referring to someone having an occasional lapse in judgement. We're talking about folks for whom this is their standard MO. People are getting hurt, lots of people, and sometimes - as with pete - that damage is being done offline. I think that qualifies as big enough to at least justify a discussion.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I’m also interested in the definition of ‘player’. Is there any particular etiquette on Lit regarding playing with or flirting with more than one person? I haven’t reached that stage with anybody and may never do, but I would hate to hurt anybody’s feelings. It must be difficult to regulate, since we’re all from different countries and presumably had different upbringings.

I think as long as you're being honest with your partners, and everyone is consenting to however you choose to run your private affairs, you're good!

Its lies and deception we're concerned about here.

 

[lacandy]

Just my two cents here...but if people aren’t naming names - and I don’t know that that would do anyone any good if we did because the person involved with them would rationalize that it must have been the other person who was crazy because he/she is always so attentive and caring and truthful... until that person does it to them - isn’t this just going to be more passive aggressive innuendo like Dear Litster or What are you thinking (note: I’ve posted my share of woe is me in both of those places so not judging)?

I like that you’re trying to quell the uprising, Honey...just don’t know that this will be any different than what we already see?

 

[makemewet69]

I think I need to find the Dear Litster thread because I’m totally lost.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I have never ghosted; when I have broken up, I have explained why. On the other hand, I have been ghosted a few times

I dont have enough fingers and toes to count how many times I've been ghosted, or given an exceedingly brief breakup memo that either didn't make any sense, or left me wondering, 'What the hell just happened?!

Definiely not my happy place.

 

[beachbaby179]

So here's my two cents (my, my - the change jar is filling up fast). I'm really not sure how I feel about it. As sunshine said, there are certain people who just need to be run off with torches, for all the pain they cause. But in general, this is an adult site, and we're all adults, capable of making our own decisions. Most of the time, the players make themselves known. And anyone following them will see for themselves.

I got a pm one time from a very well meaning woman, letting me know that someone I was flirting with in the threads was a 'player'. I found this very amusing, because generally if I flirt with you in the threads, you're a good friend. Very rarely do I flirt publicly with anyone I'm involved with - because when it ends, (and 99% of the time it does) that can get messy and uncomfortable. I've seen it time and time again.

So back to the topic - this is an anonymous, sex-centered forum. It's bound to attract people who like to see just how much they can get away with. Anyone with half a brain should know that exclusive doesn't mean exclusive - it probably could mean "exclusive if you don't count my wife". Should they be outed for that? I don't think so. Should we pine for them? In private, maybe (if they were THAT good). But move on, people. They'll burn themselves out in time.

ETA - there are exceptions to everything I've said above - I don't mean to start arguments - and I know several couples who have met here and moved it to RL and on their way to making it permanent. God bless them - but it's rare. So to expect it is foolish.

 

[ydahecnot]

First of all, did you read my OP? We're discussing here, we're not outing.

Secondly, I don't think any of us are referring to someone having an occasional lapse in judgement. We're talking about folks for whom this is their standard MO. People are getting hurt, lots of people, and sometimes - as with pete - that damage is being done offline. I think that qualifies as big enough to at least justify a discussion.

But this discussion is possible groundwork for making outing seem more justifiable in more instances. If you just wanted to define a “player,” outing shouldn’t have been in a thread title.

Personally, Dear Litster is perfectly fine for venting

 

[Deacon_Voss]

So here's my two cents (my, my - the change jar is filling up fast). I'm really not sure how I feel about it. As sunshine said, there are certain people who just need to be run off with torches, for all the pain they cause. But in general, this is an adult site, and we're all adults, capable of making our own decisions. Most of the time, the players make themselves known. And anyone following them will see for themselves.

I got a pm one time from a very well meaning woman, letting me know that someone I was flirting with in the threads was a 'player'. I found this very amusing, because generally if I flirt with you in the threads, you're a good friend. Very rarely do I flirt publicly with anyone I'm involved with - because when it ends, (and 99% of the time it does) that can get messy and uncomfortable. I've seen it time and time again.

So back to the topic - this is an anonymous, sex-centered forum. It's bound to attract people who like to see just how much they can get away with. Anyone with half a brain should know that exclusive doesn't mean exclusive - it probably could mean "exclusive if you don't count my wife". Should they be outed for that? I don't think so. Should we pine for them? In private, maybe (if they were THAT good). But move on, people. They'll burn themselves out in time.

ETA - there are exceptions to everything I've said above - I don't mean to start arguments - and I know several couples who have met here and moved it to RL and on their way to making it permanent. God bless them - but it's rare. So to expect it is foolish.

This is truth. If it doesn't make sense, or you disagree, you really shouldn't be playing in the Playground. This is not the place to be looking for true love and happily ever after. I'm not saying it hasn't happened, but the odds are obviously very slim.

 

[done_got_old]

Mmm..this thread won't cause any drama!

I wouldn't think of outing anyone, even those on my ignore list. My opinion of people isn't important. Waiting on Karma!